Keeping Me (Spy Chronicles Book 2)(40)

“Maybe,” Sebastian says. “I’m not telling you this to make you feel sorry for me.”

“I don’t feel sorry for you,” I say. “Your dad sucks. But you’ve had a good life. You have a mom and stepdad who love you. I’m jealous of it.”

“I’m just telling you this to let you know why we can’t... be anything.”

“What do you mean?” I ask.

“We will never be more than what we are now. Friends. I’m here to protect you,” he says. “But anything past that can’t happen.”

“You think I want to be more than your friend?” I ask.

“I see the way you look at me. And maybe you don’t think so, but you’re an open book.”

“That’s awfully presumptuous of you,” I say. “And I never asked you to be more than friends. In fact, you’re the one who told me that you want to kiss me, not the other way around. Maybe you think you can read something in my face, but you’re wrong.”

He’s right.

He’s so right.

But I can’t let him know that.

I understand why Sebastian Soto can’t be anything more than friends with me. It doesn’t make what he’s saying any easier, but I don’t want things to change. If I admit anything to him, he’s going to act differently. I don’t want things to be awkward between us.

“You wanted me to kiss you,” he says.

“So what? I’ve never been kissed. I was curious,” I say, shrugging my shoulders like it’s no big deal. It’s such a big deal, though. “But now I don’t want to. Obviously, you have some sort of feelings for me. I wouldn’t want to lead you on.”

“Is that right?” Sebastian asks, now smiling.

“Yeah.”

“Okay,” he says. “Just... um... do me a favor, and never tell Sander you’ve never been kissed. He’s the kind of guy who would do something about it.”

“I pretty sure he already knows. Besides, I wouldn’t kiss Sander.”

“Why not? I hear a lot of girls think he’s hot.”

“I see the appeal. He has pretty eyes. But I guess I’m not into him,” I say. “Besides, he wouldn’t kiss me.” Because he knows that I’m completely into Sebastian.

“I know when you’re lying,” Sebastian says.

“I’m not lying about not being into Sander.”

“Not about that,” he says.

“Then what am I lying about?” I ask.

“I want to know why you’re lying about it,” he says, not telling me. But I know exactly what I’m lying about.

“Look, just... whatever you think I feel for you isn’t important. You’re my friend and I want you to stay that way. I like training with you. And I do feel connected to you in ways that I don’t connect with other people. And the truth is, if I lost you, I don’t know what I would do. I’d rather be your friend than nothing.”

“You’re not going to lose me,” Sebastian says. “And that is a promise.”

“Can you forget about everything else?” I ask.

“I don’t want to forget,” he says.

And neither do I.

Sebastian and I are complicated. But the best things are always worth the pain. And he’s definitely worth it.





Wait.





It’s after three in the afternoon, but my dad hasn’t come back yet. Sebastian has been pacing the living room and I’ve just been sitting there, watching him. Waiting. Hoping that my dad’s okay.

I’ve checked my phone no less than ten times in the last two minutes. Like, somehow, if I stare at it long enough, I’ll hear from my dad.

“Are you sure he didn’t just go... I don’t know... grocery shopping or something?”

“He said he’d be back by eleven,” Bass says.

“Okay,” I say. “But he’s my dad. I don’t think anybody is going to mess with him.”

“Everybody wants him dead. I mean, not just my dad. Your dad has many enemies.”

“Is that supposed to make me feel better?” I ask.

“No. It’s supposed to make you scared. Because this is serious.”

It’s then that I begin to worry.

Sebastian is always calm. We were getting shot at and he was completely calm. But here he is, freaking out because my dad is a few hours late. Which worries me. Something bad must’ve happened, right?

“Let’s just remain calm,” I say. “We just need to....”

Breathe.

Which I seem to be forgetting how to do at the moment.

Sebastian drops to his knees in front of me and grabs my hands. “Just breathe, Serenity.”

Easier said than done.

I shake my head. “I... can’t.”

“In... out...”

I try, but it hurts my chest.

“Serenity! Listen to my voice, okay?” Sebastian says.

I can tell he’s trying to remain calm, but he’s not at all, anymore.

But Sebastian slowly fades away and it’s just me. It’s dark and I can barely breathe. It smells like cigarettes and mothballs and I am crying... screaming... pounding on the door until my fists are bloodied and bruised.