Keeping Me (Spy Chronicles Book 2)(37)

“You are the most frustrating woman I have ever met.”

I’m only seventeen. And I don’t think I’m old enough to be classified as a woman. But I kind of like it when Bass calls me one.

“Did you know that in the summer in Florida, it rains every day at four p.m.? Like clockwork,” I say.

“I thought Florida was supposed to be the sunshine state.”

“Well, the sun shines every day, too,” I say. “But really, it rains quite frequently. And I miss it. I miss Florida.”

“I’ve only been to Florida once. Disney World, when I was seven.”

“I never got to go to Disney World. I wish I could’ve. My parents... kidnappers... took my fake stepbrother when I was eleven. They made me stay with our neighbor when they went. She had, like, five cats and her house smelled awful.”

“That’s just cruel,” Sebastian says.

He’s now standing in front of me.

“Maybe we can go,” I say. “After I’m trained. I want to go and spend a week there.”

“You want to go with me to Disney World?”

“Why not?” I ask. “It sounds fun.”

He doesn’t say anything for a full minute. Long enough that I think he’s not going to. I start to look back up at the rain when I hear his voice.

“In another life, maybe we would’ve gone together when we were kids,” Sebastian says. “If you hadn’t been kidnapped, and if my dad hadn’t decided that he liked money more than loyalty. It would’ve been fun. I have a feeling you were an awesome ten–year-old. But I guess we will never know for sure.”

“We shouldn’t let what happened then define what happens now,” I say. “I wanna go to Disney World with you. It doesn’t matter that we’re almost eighteen. I think it’ll be fun.”

“Why?”

“Because you’re my friend.”

“Serenity, why did you choose me to jump out of the plane with you?”

“I already told you. Because I trust you over everybody else,” I say.

“You could’ve jumped with your dad.”

I shrug. “Maybe. But I wanted to jump with you.”

“I don’t understand why though.”

“Because you make me feel brave,” I say.

“You didn’t even hesitate before jumping,” he says.

“I tried to talk you out of it. I pretty much begged you not to make me jump.”

“That’s normal,” Sebastian says. “If you tell anybody this, I will deny it. But I might have cried trying to get out of jumping the first time.”

“You cried?”

“Give me a break, I was fourteen,” he says. “But the point is that you’re not brave because of me. You are brave because of yourself. Maybe I give you a little extra courage, but that was all you.”

Maybe he’s right.

“I just didn’t want to chicken out. You were there. And my dad was waiting for us. And I feel like I suck at everything else, and I just wanted to do one thing right,” I say. “I want to be good at something.”

“You’re good at everything,” Sebastian says. “I push you because I know what it takes to motivate you. I know what to say to get you to run an extra mile when you’re absolutely exhausted. I know what to say to get you to fight a little harder and study longer.”

“But I’m not good enough,” I say.

“You will be, though. And when you can’t see that in yourself, I will be here to see it for you.”

His words make my heart stammer.

And I know that I shouldn’t have these feelings for him, but I can’t help it.

I guess I get why they call it a crush—because it literally hurts. Like the thought of not being around him crushes my heart and makes it hard to breathe.

“What are you thinking?” Sebastian asks me.

I look at him and resist the urge to hide. He’s looking at me with an intensity that I’ve seen so many times. But this time, it feels different. It feels like he’s looking through me instead of at me. It's like he knows exactly what I'm thinking. But he can't.

“I’m thinking that sometimes you make me nervous,” I say.

“Nervous? Why nervous?”

“I don’t know. Well, I sort of do,” I say. “It’s just... every day, I don’t know which Sebastian I’m going to get. The sweet guy who helps me train and jumps from an airplane, or the mean Sebastian who pushes me away and tries to make me think he hates me even when he says he doesn’t.”

“I do that,” he says, not trying to deny it. “It’s not just with you, but it’s worse with you because you’re the only person I’ve allowed myself to get close to since I came to Spy School. I just assumed that everybody was bad, like my father.”

“You don’t think I am, right?”

“No,” Sebastian answers. “You’re the most genuine person I’ve ever met.”

“Then why do you push me away?”

“Because maybe I’m scared that I’ll be like my father.”

“Sebastian, you could never do something as terrible as he did.”