Inevitable and Only(75)

Elizabeth and Rotem were deep in conversation. They looked serious. Probably Rotem was asking about Elizabeth’s mom … I didn’t want to intrude, so I perched on the back of Josh’s couch and listened to the music.

So far, no one had asked us about our sudden middle-of-the-night appearance, why we’d arrived unannounced, or where our parents were. Somehow, I didn’t think they would. This was Ahimsa House: the doors were always open, the teakettle was always full, there was always an extra bed or pullout couch for someone who needed a place to sleep.

True, it was more chaotic than I’d remembered. There were kids running around, toys and books all over the floor, a sweet-smelling incense mixed with the more acrid smell of a roomful of people who may or may not have been wearing deodorant. But it was still Ahimsa House, the place I’d grown up. Granny was heading toward us with a plate of what looked like oatmeal–carob-chip cookies.

Josh had switched from Bach to folk songs, and then a few pop tunes people requested. I’d never seen Josh take requests before—I didn’t even know he knew those songs. People were clapping and singing along and Josh glowed like the varnish on his instrument. He only knew this place from the stories I’d told him. And yet, he looked like he belonged here. As if we’d never left.

I pulled out my phone to take a picture and saw that I’d missed a call. From Zephyr, just a few minutes ago. As I stared at the phone, frowning, it started to buzz again.

I stood up and made my way into the kitchen. It was warm in there, and quieter. I answered the call. “Hello?”

“Cadie! God, I’m so glad you answered. I thought maybe you were ignoring my calls.”

I didn’t know what to say. Why was he calling me? To tell me how angry he was that I’d kissed him? Or how angry his girlfriend was?

“About tonight,” I started. “I’m really, really sorry.”

“Sorry?”

I wasn’t sure if he was just repeating my last word, or if he hadn’t heard me, but I kept talking, before I lost my nerve. “Yeah, of course, I don’t know what got into me. I was a total idiot. Can we just forget it happened?”

He was quiet for a moment. “Okay, if that’s what you’d like. But I think you might want to hear what I have to say first—”

“No, please,” I interrupted. “I’m sorry, I know I shouldn’t have done it, I just met your girlfriend, I’m a jerk. Please, just forget about it.”

“But that’s what I want to tell you. Cadie, I broke up with her.”

“Because of me? Did she find out? Zephyr, I’m so sorry—”

“Cadie, listen to me. I broke up with her tonight. I called her right after I got home from your place. I didn’t want to do it over the phone but—we both knew, we couldn’t keep going like that. The long distance wasn’t working, we’re both too busy. We’ve been fighting constantly for, like, a month. And besides, Ava already told me she could see that we, I mean me and you, obviously had—you know, chemistry or whatever, on stage. We had a big fight about it last night. And I admitted it, that I had, you know, uh, feelings for you.” I’d never heard Zephyr stumble around verbally like this before. “Cadie? You still there?”

Something was soaring in my chest, and I almost thought I wouldn’t be able to speak in a normal-pitched voice. “I’m here,” I managed.

Chemistry or whatever … you know, uh, feelings for you. It wasn’t exactly the most romantic or eloquent line ever written. But I’d take it.

And yet—no, I couldn’t, I didn’t deserve this. “It doesn’t feel right. We shouldn’t have, you know, done that while you were still—with Ava.” Why was it so hard to say kissed out loud to Zephyr? “I didn’t mean for that to happen. It doesn’t feel like the right way to do this.”

“Hey. Look. Good people make mistakes, okay? I don’t feel good about the way it happened, either. I mean, kissing you was not part of the plan for tonight, believe me. But that doesn’t mean I’m not glad it happened.” He paused. “Did that make sense? What I’m trying to say is … I am glad. I wanted it, too.”

Good people make mistakes.

Like Dad?

And then, the weirdest thought of all: Maybe I’m not exactly who I thought I was.

I cleared my throat. “Well. Technically, I kissed you. So it’s really my fault.”

He laughed. “The first time. But I definitely kissed you back.”

I felt myself blushing and was glad he couldn’t see. “So. Um. What does this all mean?”

“It means …” He took a deep breath. “I’m asking you to give me a fresh start. Because I want to make a plan where kissing you is part of the plan.”

“Oh!” was my brilliant (inevitable, only) response. “Like what?”

“Well, I was thinking we could begin by catching the last Virginia Woolf next weekend. Unless you’re sick of it. They’re also doing a whole show of ten-minute one-acts down at Single Carrot Theatre that I want to check out, and there’s a new musical opening at the Round House called Improvica! that sounds so terrible it might be awesome, and—”

“Yes,” I said. “All of it. That all sounds great.”

He laughed again. “So, Friday night? Pick you up at six?”