In a Book Club Far Away(24)

Sophie shooed Regina away by putting a hand on her back. She led Regina to the round kitchen table and gestured for her to sit. “When was the last time you went outside?”

“Friday! I went to work.”

“We mean, just to go outside. Go to the grocery store, the gym? When was the last time you cooked?”

She shrugged. “Are you guys stalking me?”

“Yes.” Sophie took a seat across from her and mimicked her position: arms crossed, leaning back. “It’s our job.”

“As what?”

“As your girlfriends, what else?” Adelaide entered with a bag of groceries. “Look, we even got you fruit in case you’re at risk for scurvy from hanging out in the dark, bless your heart.”

“Ha ha, funny.”

“Seriously.” Sophie leaned forward and held Regina by her forearm. The act was comforting, grounding. “What’s going on?”

“I…” A fresh round of tears bubbled under her eyelids. “I’m a mess.”

Adelaide knelt down in front of her. “It’s totally normal.”

Regina shook her head. They weren’t getting the full story. If they had known how she’d acted just days before Logan left, how she’d picked at the smallest things he did. That the morning he’d arrived after his all-night escapade, she’d actually packed up a suitcase and left it in the front foyer with an ultimatum that if he didn’t shape up, she was shipping him out.

“You might feel better telling us. There’s nothing that a good vent can’t fix,” Sophie said.

“You’re going to think I’m the worst.”

Adelaide took her other hand. “Honey, we’ve probably felt everything you’re feeling. There’s no judgment here, right, Sophie?”

“She’s right. No judgment at all.”

Now, tethered by both women, Regina forced out the emotions she’d kept inside for two weeks. “I have this feeling that I can’t shake.”

“What kind of feeling?”

“Feeling unsettled. Is this normal, during a deployment?”

“It happens,” Sophie said. “But here’s the thing. There’s no normal deployment. It all depends on what unit he’s with, what unit you’re in, and where you are in your marriage. It is what it is, and I think putting expectations on it won’t be fair to you or to him. I remember our first deployment together. Jasper and I were so green. We only got ten minutes on the phone a week to work out our kinks as new parents. The phone would simply hang up when the ten minutes were up. Now that was rough.” She half laughed. “So much was left unsaid.”

Regina gathered her courage. If Sophie was sharing, she could, too. Besides, this feeling in her chest was overwhelming; if she didn’t talk about it, she was going to scream. “If I… if I tell you both something, will you keep it to yourselves, for now?”

“Yeah, of course, anything,” Adelaide said.

“It hasn’t been right for a while, even before Logan left.”

“Oh no, don’t say that. You’re newlyweds. You’re getting to know each other,” Adelaide said.

“But shouldn’t we love each other more, then? Wouldn’t our conversations feel more organic, and shouldn’t we want to speak to each other the moment we’re apart?” Her chest began to burn with sadness. “And shouldn’t I be more sad that he’s away?”

“So you’re not sad because you miss him?”

“Yes, of course I am. I love him. I miss his company, and his presence. But I’m also relieved. It’s like my whole body has exhaled this huge sigh. I told you. I’m a mess.”

Adelaide shook her head. “Nope. You’re not a mess. It’s the deployment. It puts us in a situation where we’re literally emotionally frozen until they walk out the door, and once they’re gone and we finally recover enough to respond, they’re not around to support us. But you’re not alone. And you can’t keep yourself in this house. You can’t lock yourself in here.”

“We won’t let you,” Sophie said. “In fact, I have a plan. It’s something I like to do at every deployment. It’s called the SOS.”

“Ah, I get it now,” Adelaide said.

Regina looked between the women. “Get what?”

“SOS. It’s a simple text, three letters. If one of us types it, we come. No excuses.” Sophie looked at her intently, then her gaze jumped to Adelaide. “But this only works if we want to be there for one another, and if we’re open to being helped. We’ve got nine months together, and we can’t do it alone.” Sophie held out her hand, palm up.

“I’m in,” Adelaide said, placing her hand on Regina’s.

“You’re serious?” Regina gripped the two women’s hands, because she hoped against all hope that Sophie and Adelaide were serious. That she did, in fact, have friends; that she had these two people to lean on.

“As a heart attack,” the two women answered.

The three burst into laughter.

“Okay. SOS. Got it.” Regina sniffled.

“But you’re not off the hook yet.” Sophie eyed Adelaide.

“What is it?”

“Two things.” Adelaide stood and dug through the grocery bag. “A box of waffle mix. Because what’s better than waffles?”