Here the Whole Time(50)

“That’s what I was afraid of.”

“Afraid of?” She seems confused.

“If it’s that obvious to you, it must be obvious to him, too, Mom! And if he hasn’t made a move yet, then that’s definitely because—”

“Because he’s shy. Or afraid that his mother will find out. Or maybe he’s intimidated because you’re the handsomest guy in the world,” she interrupts.

“You’re my mom. It’s your job to say I’m the handsomest guy in the world,” I say, rolling my eyes.

“Son, look at me,” she says, turning in bed to face me. “You may think I’m saying this because I’m your mother. And you’re partially right, of course. I will always think you are the handsomest boy in the world, because I’m your mother. But beauty is not only here,” she says, running her hand down my face.

I don’t know if it’s the nice, warm bed, or if it’s my mom’s tender touch, but a tear escapes from my eye. A happy one, for a change.

“I’m so proud of who you are. Of the decisions you make, of how you face your challenges, of how you make me laugh even when my day sucks. You are my companion, son. And anyone who can enjoy your company is lucky. And I’m very happy that you trust me enough to tell me about your feelings,” she says, wiping my tear with the tip of her finger.

“Thanks, Mom. But I only came to you because I have no other friends,” I tease.

“Unbelievable! Get out of here.” She laughs and pushes me away.

Then we’re laughing and pushing each other, and it feels so good. I wish I knew how old is too old to lie down in your mom’s bed and talk. I hope there’s no such thing, because I want to be able to do this always.

“So, then, what do I have to do to … you know … get him?” I ask, a little embarrassed that I’m asking my mom for romantic advice.

“Why would I know, Felipe? If I were good at flirting, you wouldn’t be here right now, because this half of the bed would be taken,” my mom answers, raising her eyebrows.

“Mom!” I yell, embarrassed, because it’s so weird to imagine a dude lying here in her bed.

“It’s true, son. I gave up on dating long ago. Doesn’t mean I don’t get around every once in a while. I’m not dead, you know?”

“Mooom! You’re not helping!” I say, louder, because it’s even weirder to imagine that another dude has probably been here.

“Okay, I don’t know how to help. I haven’t had a lot of romances that have worked out, obviously, but I can help with the ones that didn’t. So you can learn from my mistakes. How noble of me!” She leans on her elbows and looks at me.

“Right, share your wisdom, Mom.” I adopt a meditation pose that makes no sense, but I think it is funny because my mom muffles a laugh.

“Okay, tip number one: Don’t fall for guys who are ashamed of telling their friends about you. They’re either assholes or married.”

Apparently, Caio has been telling Becky all about me, so one point for Caio.

“Number two.” My mom raises two fingers. “The guy might be the hunkiest in the whole world, but if you can’t talk to him for more than half an hour without wondering if you can die of boredom, that beauty isn’t worth much.”

Yes, Caio is handsome, but I’m never bored when I talk to him. Good sign, right? Best of both worlds. Another point for Caio!

“And finally, number three. This one is really important, so pay attention. Don’t fall in love with someone who doesn’t make you feel beautiful. I don’t mean it has to be someone who always tells you that you’re perfect and wonderful. Not at all. But when you feel good-looking just by being close to them, then, my son, it’s much easier. You wake up with bedhead, your face all crumpled, and yet you still feel handsome. Because you’re with someone who isn’t pointing out your flaws. Who doesn’t make you feel worse. Doesn’t point out that stretch mark on your butt that you hadn’t even noticed until that moment. Because the person who sees past the surface sees the best in you,” she says, proud of her wisdom.

I think of how I feel when I’m with Caio. Definitely not handsome. But pleasant, funny, and a little anxious. Anxious in a kind-of-good, kind-of-bad way. But handsome handsome … I can’t say I’ve felt that way yet.

“Is this advice based on fact?” I pry.

“Of course! Each relationship that goes wrong always teaches us a lesson. So far, I’ve learned three. Ricardo, Luiz Antonio, and your father. In that order.”

I’m shocked. “Luiz Antonio … my gym teacher?”

“Shut up, and let’s go have some breakfast,” she says, jumping out of bed.



I’m washing the dishes after lunch, Caio is drying them, and my mom is on a chair filing her nails like a baroness.

“It’s Wednesday! What’ll be our movie for Musical Wednesdays?” Caio asks, genuinely excited as he puts away a plate in the cabinet.

“Caio, please, don’t let my mom believe that these themed weeknights are cool,” I say. “You’re creating a monster, and after you leave, I’ll be the one left behind to deal with her!”

“Don’t mind him, Caio,” my mom says, standing up and putting her nail file away. “Even after your parents are back from their trip, you can always come here every Wednesday to honor our commitment to musicals. If you want to, of course!”