Here the Whole Time(26)

I immediately decide I want to be this girl.

“I can’t even believe we’re finally seeing each other,” Caio says to her, and then turns to me. “Because you know, Felipe, there are certain people who go to college, start dating, and forget about their friends.”

“So, Felipe,” Rebeca tells me, leaning on my shoulder, “there are certain people who don’t understand how hard it is to juggle college, a crappy internship, and a long-distance relationship. And that a lecture is the last thing I need right now, you know?”

I stand between them, not knowing if this is a serious argument or if they’re just joking. I also don’t understand why they’re using me to talk to each other. So I opt to say something sensible.

“Y’all, I’m hungry.”

Rebeca laughs and grabs my hand, which startles me, but I don’t let go because I don’t think that would be polite.

“I like you already!” she says.

Caio smiles at me as if he’s proud and relieved that I got Rebeca’s approval so quickly. I’m proud and relieved because Caio smiled at me and I didn’t throw up.

Together, the three of us make our way to the food court and stop at a place that serves the best burgers you can find for less than ten bucks. I order a bacon cheeseburger with extra bacon (just because), Caio orders a cheeseburger with spicy mayo, and Rebeca orders a veggie burger. When the waitress is done writing down our orders and is about to leave, Caio asks her to wait. He touches my hand, and I’m surprised because I’ve never been touched as much as I have today in my entire life.

“Felipe, do you want to split some fries?” he asks.

I say yes without a second thought.

While we’re waiting for our food, Rebeca tells Caio everything that’s happened in her life in the last few months. From what I gather, the two of them haven’t seen each other since Carnival in February. I listen attentively while playing with a straw to keep my hands busy.

“I still can’t believe my relationship with Melissa has lasted this long, because I swore she was going to break up with me after two weeks,” Rebeca tells Caio.

“Melissa is Rebeca’s girlfriend,” Caio explains to me. “They met during Carnival and two days later were already official.”

“The thing is, she doesn’t live here. She lives a few hours away, and I spent the first three months worried because she’s in a huge city full of good-looking people, and I’m stuck here for at least three and a half more years,” Rebeca says, this time looking at me.

“What a shitty situation.” I don’t know what else to say.

“But now everything is way better. We fight sometimes, because I’m an Aries and she’s a Scorpio, which is the worst combination of all time. But we make it work,” she says, and I just nod because I know nothing about star signs.

“Becky has always been really into astrology,” Caio tells me, and then turns to her with a challenge. “Try to guess what Felipe’s sign is. I love it when you try to—”

She doesn’t even wait until he’s done before blurting out, “Pisces, obviously.”

And I laugh, because she got it right.

“You see?” Caio slaps the table excitedly. “She always gets it right!”

“But … how?” I ask.

“You’d have to be a Pisces to get along with Caio the way you do—the right way. Pisces are nice. Caio is a Cancer, and you need all the patience in the world to put up with a Cancer. They’re half princess and half evil witch, if you know what I mean. You have to watch your back!” she says, whispering to me as if she’s sharing a secret tip.

“Hey! I’m right here,” Caio says, winking at me.

I feel my face go red because I really was not expecting a wink, least of all from Caio.

Our food arrives, we eat together, and everything is delicious. Caio and I take alternate turns when going for the fries, so our hands never touch, which is unfortunate. To be honest, I don’t even know what would happen if our hands bumped over the basket of fries, but I’ll admit I was hoping that it would happen.

When we’re done eating, we leave the food court and start walking aimlessly around the empty mall, looking at the windows of the same old stores. Caio and Rebeca go into a stationery shop, and I ask them to wait for me there because I need to go to the restroom.

I run to the nearest bathroom, duck into a stall, grab my phone, open my browser, and type, “Are Pisces and Cancer a good match?” Search.

I discover that, yes, they are, then leave the bathroom with a smile on my face.



As you might have guessed, there isn’t much to do on a Thursday afternoon in a small-town mall. We look at the window displays, and Rebeca tells us about how her internship at a publicity agency is torture and her boss is a full-time asshole. Caio tells us stories about a teacher who used to be Rebeca’s, too, and the two of them reminisce over inside jokes. I don’t understand much of what they’re talking about, but I’m smiling for most of it because it feels so nice to be in their company.

I’ll admit that I enjoy listening to the two of them talk about school, because I don’t feel like I have to participate. I can just be quiet and watch without seeming like a weirdo. Because, for the moment, my silence makes sense.