Here the Whole Time(24)

“That’s cool. Does she always give you a challenge? Do you get some kind of reward?” he asks, and he seems genuinely interested.

“I don’t get rewards,” I say, intrigued, because it has never occurred to me. I’ll suggest that in our next session. “But if you can help me, I’ll give you one.”

A steamy, passionate kiss, I think.

“Okay, I’ll help. What do I have to do?” He closes the book and sits on his bed to get a better look at me.

His gaze makes me feel anxious.

“I don’t know. The conversation needs to be relevant. And last at least ten minutes. Or however long normal conversations last. And it has to be during the day. In daylight. Those are the rules,” I say, still looking at the ceiling, because if my eyes see Caio in his pajamas, I might die.

“Okay. You can start talking.”

I’m suddenly under pressure, and I can’t get my thoughts straight. So I say the first thing that comes to mind. “I dreamed about you.”

Caio muffles a laugh.

It takes me a moment to realize that this sentence can mean a million different things. I start to explain myself, trying to seem as calm as possible. I tell him about my dream—the musical, the lyrics about breakfast, and the Power Ranger costumes. He laughs out loud at that last part.

“Which Power Ranger would you be?” he asks, changing the focus completely.

I’m happy for it, because I wouldn’t have known how to continue the conversation after describing that bizarre dream.

“I’ve never really given it much thought,” I say. “I would definitely never be the red one. The red ones are always boring.”

“I’d be the Pink Ranger, of course,” he says, striking a funny pose, with the tip of his right foot on his left knee.

Until this very moment, I never imagined this was a real pose that human beings could strike. Never.

“Then I’d be yellow,” I say, because my favorite color is yellow. And because I don’t know what else to say.

“And we would be BFFs!” He laughs and strikes another diva pose.

I laugh, but inside I feel the pressure of twenty buckets of cold water hitting me at once, because this whole “Pink and Yellow Rangers” thing reminds me that “BFFs!” is the closest I can ever be to Caio.

“Ten minutes,” he says, snapping his fingers and checking his phone.

“Huh?” I’m confused.

“The ten minutes are up. Twelve, in fact. Congratulations, Mr. Felipe, you’ve just completed your challenge!” he announces in a voice that, as far as I can tell, is supposed to sound like Olivia’s.

It becomes immediately clear that he’s never gone to therapy in his life, because he thinks therapists call their patients Mr.

“Yeah, seems like it,” I say, and decide not to correct him in this instance.

“But you don’t have to go quiet again. We can keep talking.”

“Yes, yes. Of course. We can. We can talk so much. The whole day. If you want to, I don’t know. If it’s not boring to spend an entire day just talking to me,” I say, getting lost in my senseless words.

“I have an idea!” He starts texting someone on his phone. “I’m talking to Becky, and she wants to meet you! Do you want to go out today?”

“Hmm, I don’t know,” I say, because I really don’t.

And also because I don’t really know how to process the information that Becky wants to meet me. Nobody has ever wanted to meet me of their own free will. I’m usually just a consequence in people’s lives. Never a choice.

“Please, let’s do it! I helped you with the ten-minute conversation, and you owe me a reward!” Caio goes for a low blow, using his abandoned-puppy face on me, and I say yes.

Who could say no to Caio’s abandoned-puppy face?

When I agree to go out with him and Becky, Caio jumps up to go shower.

“Thanks. Your place is great and all, but I can’t take being cooped up in here the entire time,” he says with a short laugh, then leaves the room.

I let out a deep breath and, as usual, start a mental list of all the things that could possibly go wrong today.



My mom starts jumping up and down with happiness when I tell her Caio and I are getting lunch at the mall. For real. She’s literally JUMPING.

“I have two commissions for paintings that I need to finish today, and all I need is a quiet house. Take your time. Have fun, boys!” she says, handing me her credit card and giving me a kiss on the forehead.

And she also plants one on Caio’s forehead, which I find funny. It seems like she’s really taking the whole “I got myself a second son” thing seriously. Today it’s chilly, and I love chilly days. I’m wearing a black sweatshirt with pockets in front, which is great because as soon as we get into the elevator, Caio and I both try to press the button for the lobby at the same time. He presses it first, our hands knock into each other, and I end up hitting the button for the second floor by mistake. I have no idea what to do with my hands.

I quickly shove them both in my pockets and Caio laughs, because when I do that, my elbow hits the first-floor button. I laugh, embarrassed, and feel my face go red, and the two of us appreciate in silence this never-ending elevator ride, stopping at every floor on the way down.