Hardcore Twenty-Four (Stephanie Plum #24)(33)

“Bummer,” Connie said.

“Yeah, it’s a problem on account of you don’t want to piss off a zombie,” Lula said. “Am I right?”

I pulled the rag off the car and tossed it into the back seat with the rotisserie chicken. “See you tomorrow.”

“Hope so,” Lula said. “Remember, in case they come to get you, you have to shoot them in the brain, so you should put some bullets in your gun.”

I gave Lula a thumbs-up, and I got back into the Lexus. Lula was right about the rag. It didn’t smell good. When you combined it with the chicken it was a total gag. I called Morelli and asked where he was.

“Home,” he said. “And I can actually spend the night here unless someone finds a headless body.”

“I’m on my way,” I said. “I have something to show you.”

“I have something to show you too.”

“We might not be on the same page.”

“Work with me,” Morelli said.

Ten minutes later, I walked into Morelli’s house, and Bob galloped in from the kitchen to greet me. He got to the middle of the living room and stopped. His nose twitched, hackles rose on his back, and he growled. The only other time I’ve heard him growl was when he stole a Virginia baked ham off the table and Morelli tried to get it back.

Morelli came up behind Bob.

“What’s going on?” he asked. “What’s that smell? Did you run over another outhouse?”

“I ran over a zombie.” I held the rag out for him to see. “This is what’s left of him.”

“What’s in the other bag?”

“Rotisserie chicken.”

Morelli grinned. “That’s a killer combination.”

“I thought you might want someone to examine the cloth.”

“And the chicken?”

“Dinner.”

“I like it,” Morelli said. “I’ll put the zombie attack dog in the backyard.”

I followed him into the kitchen and put the piece of cloth into a plastic baggie while he carved the chicken.

“Tell me about the cloth,” he said.

I washed my hands and set the kitchen table with plates and silverware, and Morelli brought the chicken to the table.

“I took some chicken to Ethel this afternoon, and when I stepped out of the double-wide I heard creepy growly moaning sounds coming from the woods. I looked into the woods, and I saw two sets of glowing red eyes that were attached to two bodies that looked human. The bodies were in shadow, and I couldn’t see any details, but it freaked me out enough to want to get out of there.”

“You were alone?”

“Lula was with me. We jumped into my car and took off. I was a short distance down Diggery’s road when this thing jumped out in front of me, and I bounced him off my right front quarter panel. I stopped and got out of the car, but the thing was gone. Lula was sure it was a zombie.”

“Did you think it was a zombie?” Morelli asked.

“It happened so fast that I barely saw it. Honestly, it could have been a velociraptor or a unicorn. Anyway, I got back into the car, and I was about to drive away when this man, for lack of a better word, came out of the woods and rushed the car. I’m no expert but it looked a lot like a zombie. Dirt-clogged hair, rotting skin, raggedy clothes. It grabbed the door handle, but I had the car locked.”

“And?”

“And I drove away. Fast. When I got to the office I looked at the car. There’s a dent and a gash in the right front quarter panel, and the cloth was caught in the ripped part.”

“And you think it was a zombie?”

“I think it looked like a zombie. And Lula said it smelled like a zombie.”

Morelli wiped his hands on a paper towel. “Let’s look at your car.”

We went outside, and Morelli walked around the Lexus.

“Ranger?” he asked.

“Yep.”

Ranger wasn’t Morelli’s favorite person for many reasons, not the least of which is my ongoing relationship with the man.

“Nice car,” Morelli said.

I nodded. “Except it has a dent in it.”

Morelli was on one knee, examining the dent and the torn fiberglass. “I don’t see any blood, but I’d like to have CSI go over this.”

“Sure.”

“And I’ll give them the cloth.”

“Do you think it was a zombie?”

“No,” Morelli said. “I also don’t think it was a velociraptor or a unicorn.”

“I need dessert. Do you have any ice cream?”

“Yes. Chocolate. Do you know what I need?”

“Yep,” I said. “I have a pretty good idea. Can I have my ice cream first?”

“As long as you eat fast.”





FIFTEEN


MORELLI SHOOK ME awake at six o’clock. The room was dark, and I wasn’t ready to start my day. It had been a long, satisfying, but exhausting night.

“I’m heading out,” he said. “I’m going to trade cars with you so CSI can take a look at yours.”

“They’re just going to look at the quarter panel, right?”

There was a beat of silence. “Something you want to tell me about the car?” he asked.