Hardcore Twenty-Four (Stephanie Plum #24)(31)

“I don’t suppose you have any weed on you?”

“Nope. No weed.”

I left him sitting under the tree, and I returned to Lula.

“How’s he doing?” she asked.

“He’s okay.”

“He see any zombies yet?”

“Nope. No zombies.”

“Well, they’re out there, sneaking around. I can feel them watching me. And I think they might be sending me mental messages.”

“What are they saying?”

“They’re saying . . . brains, brains, brains.”

I did a 360-degree scan. I didn’t see any zombies, and I wasn’t getting any mental messages.

“I need to get more food for Ethel,” I said to Lula. “Something inexpensive.”

“How inexpensive are you thinking? Roadkill? Dumpster pickings?”

“More like almost expired rotisserie chicken.”

“That’s still going to add up to money. If you could find a woodchuck on the side of the road it would last Ethel a couple days.”

“Are you going to pick it up?”

“Hell, no. You’re the one who promised to take care of Ethel. I’m not picking up no dead woodchuck.”

I pulled into a Shop and Bag and got six rotisserie chickens. Four for Ethel, one for me, and one for Lula.

“Those chickens smell delicious,” Lula said. “I’m having a feast tonight. I’m going to stop at the deli on my way home and get some potato salad and a banana cream pie.”

After buying all those chickens, banana cream pie would not fit into my budget. Roadkill for Ethel was looking more attractive.

I turned onto Broad, and saw Johnny Chucci come out of the hardware store and walk down the street.

“That’s him!” I said. “That’s Johnny Chucci in the blue shirt and jeans.”

I pulled to the side of the road and parked at a bus stop. Lula and I got out of the car, crossed the street, and ran after Chucci. He got into a silver Honda and drove away before we got to him. Lula and I ran back to my car and took off after him. He was in sight, with two cars between us. He turned off Broad and onto Liberty. He was heading into the Burg.

“When I get close enough I want you to get his plate,” I said to Lula. “Just in case we lose him.”

“I’m on it.”

I closed the distance between us, and Chucci suddenly turned into an alley and sped up.

“He’s onto us,” Lula said.

I was on his bumper. Chucci clipped a garbage can, and it flipped up and smashed into the side of the Lexus.

“Keep going,” Lula said. “That didn’t hardly do any damage.” She had her gun out and her window rolled down. “You want me to shoot him?” she asked. “I could shoot out his tires.”

Lula couldn’t hit the broad side of a barn if she was two feet away. She is the worst shot of anyone I know.

“No!” I said. “No shooting.”

Chucci made a hard left onto Myrtle Street and an immediate right into another alley. I stayed with him until he suddenly turned left into a backyard, raced between two houses, and came out on Clifton. I didn’t react fast enough to follow him through the yard. By the time I got to Clifton he was gone.

I drove around the Burg, looking for the silver Honda, while Lula called the plate in to Connie.

“Connie says the car belongs to Little Pinkie.”

I drove past Little Pinkie’s house. Car wasn’t there. I drove past the gym. Car wasn’t there either.

I gave up searching for Johnny and went to feed Ethel. The sky was overcast, and by the time we reached Diggery’s road, the sun was hidden behind the trees.

“It’s not nighttime,” Lula said, “but it’s dark enough back here in the woods that it’s spooky.”

I thought it was spooky in full daylight. It was like being in a second-rate goblin forest. It wouldn’t surprise me to find flying demon monkeys living in one of the yurts.

I parked in Diggery’s front yard, let myself into the double-wide, and arranged the chickens on the small kitchen table. I heard the whisper of a sound from the bedroom, and a chill ran down my spine. Ethel was on the move. Her head poked into the hallway, and at the same time Lula barreled through the front door and slammed it shut.

“They’re out there. The zombies are coming to get me. I got out of the car for a minute to stretch my legs, and I saw them. They were heading for the car, so I ran in here.”

I looked out the window. I didn’t see any zombies.

“I don’t even have my gun,” Lula said. “I left my purse in the car.”

“I don’t see them,” I said. “You must have scared them away.”

“Maybe they went invisible. Crack the window and see if you can smell them.”

“I can’t smell anything but rotisserie chicken,” I said.

Lula caught sight of Ethel oozing closer, hunting down dinner.

“Holy hell!” Lula said. “I’m caught between a giant snake and the zombies. I gotta get out of here. Give me one of those chickens.”

“What are you going to do with it?”

“I’m gonna give it to the zombies. They can have chicken brain.”

“These are supermarket chickens,” I said. “They don’t have heads.”