Girl Crush(73)

We talked endlessly about love and allowing the spirit to join with another. My mind drifted to a place where our souls existed as beings, not imaginary objects, and when I was able to see them merge, everything went quiet. The voices in my head stopped yammering, the doubt drifted away, and the warm sensation I got in her house filled me.

I glanced at the clock on her microwave and knew I had to say goodnight. “Can I come see you again?”

“My door is always open.”

She hugged me goodbye, and I went home.

Collier was there when I arrived and appeared slightly panicked when I came through the front door.

“Hey, babe. I was starting to get worried. Where were you?”

I didn’t answer his question. I just gave him what he wanted. “You can do what you want on the house. The only thing I want is to be with you.”

“Have you been drinking?”

“No, silly. Just thinking.”

“What changed your mind?”

I couldn’t put anything that happened at Betsy’s into words, and he’d likely think I was certifiable if I tried. It had been monumental to me but would probably be insignificant to anyone else. “I just want you to be happy. And keeping us from having something together just because I can’t match you dollar for dollar doesn’t make sense.”

“I want you to love the house, too. I don’t want to pick it out. This has to be a joint decision.”

“I know. You tell the agent what you think is important and how much we need to spend to get it, and I promise to be open to it.”

Two days later, we signed a contract on a gorgeous four-bedroom cottage on two acres. The house wasn’t over the top, but it was considerably bigger than what we currently had. West had found a carpenter who would customize the master bedroom closet to include an elaborate cabinet for my coveted collection of OPI which would be installed after we closed. There was a beautiful pool in the backyard with a hot tub that heated it, but it was nowhere near the size of the one in Collier’s old backyard. There were no running trails other than the miles of country roads that surrounded the land with no neighbors in sight. But it wasn’t the landscaping or the hardwood floors or even the fully automated features that sold me—it was the feeling I got when we were inside it…together.

Warmth.

And he’d felt it, too.

Everything happened far faster than I anticipated. A cash sale didn’t have to wait a month to close, and with an offer on my house, there was no reason to stay where we were. Collier paid movers to pack and haul our things, although I’d made sure to grab my nail polish on my own. It went with me, not on a moving truck.

I closed and locked the door behind me after the last box left my old house. This step was huge, but everything about it felt right.





17





It didn’t take long to settle into upper-middle class life. Our house became the group hangout—either Collier’s friends were here or mine or both, and often when we weren’t. I loved the sense of family and even more that they felt welcome here. But financially, I was stressed. I hated not contributing equally, and every time another bill came in, the strain got harder. When Ronnie, Roxie, or Beck came over, I felt like it was my responsibility to pay for the things they used or the food they consumed…and those bitches were eating me out of house and home. For thin women, they ate like men, and we won’t talk about the copious amounts of wine they chugged by the pool. I’d never realized what lushes they’d become.

“Babe?” Collier called into the house from the porch where he was grilling for our friends.

“Yeah?”

“Can you go run pick up some more beer? I can’t leave the meat.”

My shoulders slumped, and I let out a sigh. I hadn’t thought he could see me from where he stood…I was wrong.

“Elle?” He’d taken to shortening my name since we moved here. He didn’t want to call me Gizzy because it was Ronnie’s nickname for me, and he thought it had an “inappropriate connotation.” Truthfully, I loved that he had chosen something no one else used, but it also made it hard to be upset when I heard it. “What’s wrong?”

I shook my head. “Nothing. I’ll be back in a few minutes.”

Collier called over his shoulder to Parker to watch the food and then came inside, closing the door behind him. My forced smile did nothing to prove I was all right. His hand stopped mine when I reached for my keys. “Look at me.”

There was no way I could hide from him if he could see my eyes, and he knew it.

“Please,” he asked again.

I tipped my eyes to his and raised my head. He pulled me into him, pressing our waists together and flirting with his stare. His hips swayed from side to side, taking mine with them.

“We don’t keep secrets…so tell me what’s going on.”

I kind of had been keeping one though, but it was out of pride and not any desire to hurt him. My lips pursed as I tried to form the words I didn’t want to share. “I don’t get paid until next week.”

My statement meant nothing in his world. He didn’t live paycheck to paycheck and had no idea I had been. I’d never had tons of money to throw away, but I’d been comfortable before moving in here.

“Okay, you’re going to have to give me more to go on.”