Girl Crush(72)

“People have custom closets, why is this so strange?”

“A jogging trail…with a lighted path? That’s called a street.”

I shrugged.

“And you only want windows on the west side of the house?”

“That way we have a view of the sunset every night.” It seemed logical to me.

“That doesn’t mean you can’t have windows on the other sides, too. Don’t you want to see the sunrise?”

“Meh. I can see that on the lighted jogging path every morning.”

“Good schools? We don’t have kids.”

“No, but quality educations are found in better neighborhoods.”

“Completely automated houses don’t exist in the price range you’re forcing the agent to stay within.” I didn’t really need to be able to turn down the AC remotely or turn on the lights from my phone, but it was just one more obstacle that stood in the way so I clung to it.

“We agreed no more than double the cost of my house. That way it’s equally ours.”

“You aren’t going to find a house with a multi-car garage that meets all of your expectations. And we only have two—why do we need anything bigger?”

“In case I want to restore a Mustang.”

“You’re not doing automotive restoration.”

“I might.”

“Giselle, babe…I’ll get you everything you’re asking for, but you have to give me some freedom on the budget.”

“But then it’s you buying the house.”

I closed the dishwasher and wiped my hands on the towel by the sink. He joined me and leaned against the counter. Part of him knew the insane list of demands just prolonged the process. But I wasn’t sure if my hesitation was not being able to contribute equally, or wanting more than just a deed to a house to bind us. I hadn’t shared either of those thoughts with him, but I was pretty sure Collier believed it all centered around the money. He’d been frustrated by other women’s desire to get into his wallet, but now faced the opposite dilemma.

“I don’t see it that way. I want to take care of you. Why won’t you let me do this?”

I shrugged before turning to him. My lips pecked his, and I reassured him, “We’ll find the right house when the time is right.”

As I stepped away, hopefully ending the discussion, he took my hand in his and pulled me back. “Is this about something more than the money?”

The thin line my pressed lips formed said more than my silence. I knew he read the expression, but he didn’t force the issue before letting me go. Anything I wanted was at my fingertips, but I couldn’t pull the trigger.

Weeks passed, and we looked at every home in the price range I’d set. There was literally no other available property in the country for us to consider unless we spent more. I knew Collier was frustrated, but he had skirted the issue. Even Ronnie and Beck thought I was crazy for not taking him up on the offer for bigger and better. Thankfully, Roxie had my back. She was the only one in the pack who agreed that for it to be “ours,” I had to feel like I was an equal partner.

My confusion started keeping me up at night, and I was painting my nails daily trying to find comfort in color. I was going to need a recovery program if I didn’t get my shit together. With my friends on Collier’s side, I needed an outsider’s opinion. I’d thought about it all day with no solution and finally decided to seek advice in an unconventional way.

I parked in Mama Betsy’s driveway a little after six. Collier had a dinner meeting and wouldn’t be home until late tonight, and my friends all had their own lives. No one would miss me for a couple hours, and I hoped the woman who’d comforted me months ago could bring that same peace back.

She greeted me at the door, and the smell of freshly baked cookies lingered in the air around her. I didn’t wait for her to invite me in when I rushed her with open arms.

“Oh, sweetheart. You’re disjointed. I can feel it all around you. It’s so heavy.”

Mama B escorted me to her kitchen, back to the same stool I’d occupied when I’d come by previously. The familiar silver napkins sat next to a pot of hot coffee, and she offered me both before taking the seat across from me.

I didn’t tell her what was going on, but I didn’t need to.

“Are you moving?”

Her question surprised me, although it shouldn’t have—that was why I was here. I hoped she had answers for me that I couldn’t find myself. “Maybe.”

“I see boxes all around you. And a huge commitment.”

I didn’t want to make her words mean what I wanted them to, but it was hard not to force them into the circle I’d drawn around my expectations. “My boyfriend wants us to buy a house together.”

“He wants more than that.”

“I’m putting this huge obstacle between us, but I’m afraid standing my ground will tear us apart.”

“Giselle, do you trust him?”

“Of course.” There was zero hesitation.

“Then let it be.”

“I don’t know what that means, Betsy.”

The cookies she offered sat untouched next to my half-empty cup of coffee. She slid the silver napkin toward me. “Enjoy what he’s offering…without guilt.”