Gentleman Nine(76)
Rory rolled his eyes. “I bet you are.”
Shit.
He couldn’t have been more wrong. I took a moment to step back and gather my thoughts.
“Is that what you think? What kind of a person do you think I am? You think what happened to you makes me happy?” An unexpected flurry of emotion came over me in that moment when I noticed the true sadness and regret in his eyes. “I’m fucking devastated for you. You were my best friend at one time. I would never wish that on you. Never.”
We stood in silence just staring at each other, seeming to calm down with each second that passed.
“Yeah, well…” He kicked some dirt. “I still think she’d be better off without me. I just don’t know how to stop loving her.”
“You and me both.”
We continued to stand face to face.
“I guess, in a lot of ways, we’re right back where we started,” he said. “We both want her, and we both can’t have her.” Rory paused, looking up at the sky and then back at me. “I know you probably think I didn’t care about what I did when I broke the pact we made all those years ago, but I felt like a piece of shit for doing that to you. Not that it’s any consolation now.”
“As much as you did me dirty, I honestly can’t say I wouldn’t have done the same thing if it were you who went away and if she’d expressed an interest in me. So, I can’t hold you to a standard that I couldn’t uphold when it comes to myself. I actually forgave you in my head a long time ago.”
“So, if you forgive me, why did you look like you wanted to kill me earlier?”
“That was because of your second-guessing my current intentions. Maybe this would be easier for you to accept if you thought all she was to me was a revenge fuck. But I think at this point, we just need to understand that the one thing we do agree on is that we both want what’s best for Amber, and we both want her to be happy. None of us chose the situation we’re in now. It just happened. And ultimately, it’s Amber who decides whom she wants to spend her life with. If she chooses you, I’m not gonna interfere. And I expect the same from you.”
I wasn’t anticipating what came out of his mouth next.
“I lie awake at night praying she chooses me. And the other half of the time, I’m praying she doesn’t…because I’ll never be able to give her everything she deserves.”
It genuinely did hurt me to think about what happened to Rory. I couldn’t imagine having to deal with that on top of everything else. But I knew Amber. And if she believed Rory was the one for her, his not being able to have children wouldn’t deter her from wanting to be with him. Amber was naturally loving. I could easily see her adopting and treating that child like it was her own. Just look at the way she was with Milo.
“Don’t do that to yourself, man,” I simply said.
His hardened expression seemed to soften. “Where do we go from here?”
“We shake hands and agree not to make this more difficult than it already is.”
Rory held out his hand to me, and I took it. I didn’t know what came over me when I suddenly yanked him toward me into a hug. Then, we patted each other on the back.
“I’m sorry to hear about your mother,” he said.
“Thank you.”
“She was always so nice to me.”
“Yeah. She always liked you.” I grinned and joked, “She never was a good judge of character.”
He smiled. “Jackass.”
As we walked back into the hospital, Rory turned to me and said, “I wasn’t thinking I’d be heading back in here unscathed. You disappoint me, Lord. I was expecting at least a bloody lip.”
“You hurt Amber again, and I’ll be happy to deliver that and more. No matter how this story ends, I will always have Amber’s back, which means you’ll have to watch yours.”
He smacked me hard on the back. “Same goes for you.”
The nurse who’d scolded us earlier was watching us like a hawk when we returned to the floor. Assuming our position in front of the narrow window on Amber’s door, we could see through the glass that she was no longer sleeping.
“Looks like she’s awake,” Rory said. “I was gonna go down to the cafeteria and get some coffee. You want anything?”
I knew he was intentionally giving me time alone with her, and I appreciated that.
“Nah. I think I’m just gonna go on in and let her know I’m here.”
He nodded once. “Alright.”
I watched as he walked toward the elevators. I’d come to Boston hoping to make things right with Amber. I never expected to make peace with Rory.
I guess holiday miracles do happen.
CHAPTER TWENTY-SIX
* * *
AMBER
Blinking my eyes open, I had no idea how long I’d been sleeping nor what day it was. The grid-like squares of fluorescent light on the ceiling were giving me a headache as was the smell of the hospital itself, a mix of antiseptic and flesh.
That feeling of dread whenever I thought about my current reality started to seep in as I became more coherent.
The meds they were giving me were working but not fast enough. Grabbing for the remote, I turned on the television and blankly stared at the news program that was on. The bed adjacent to mine was empty, and for that, I was grateful.