Gentleman Nine(78)

He knew.

“Don’t say it. I already know what’s going on, and I just can’t bear to hear you say the words.”

No longer able to contain my tears, I cried, “I’m so sorry, Rory.”

Rory stayed at the opposite end of the room. He looked distraught when he said, “This past week—even before you got sick—you’d been completely distant. I knew you were thinking of him. I knew I was losing you for good.”

I tried to compose myself to best explain what I was feeling. There was no easy way to do it. I just had to spit it out, even though it hurt me.

“When you told me to explore other people, that’s what I did. And I found someone with whom I have a deeper connection, a connection that in retrospect goes way back. The reason why you left isn’t important. The fact is, you let me go long enough to realize my feelings for someone else—someone whom I’ve grown to love. I’ll always love you, too. I just can’t be with you anymore, as much as that hurts me to finally admit.” My voice was shaky. “I hope you can find it in your heart to forgive me.”

He was looking down. “I can’t look at you right now. It’s too painful. But I want you to know that there’s nothing to forgive. You didn’t do anything wrong. I just hope you made the right decision.”

There was a curtain serving as a partition between me and the empty adjacent bed. Rory disappeared behind there for several minutes. I didn’t want to imagine he was crying. And I couldn’t imagine how he was feeling.

His eyes were red when he reemerged. Rory slowly approached me and took both of my hands in his, kissing them firmly. “Are you gonna be okay if I go home?”

The fact that he even cared hurt my heart. “Of course.”

The level of respect I had for how he’d handled himself during this entire ordeal was boundless. My respect for him was boundless.

Nothing would ever erase the significance of the time we had together. Everyone who comes into your life serves a purpose to teach you in some way. Rory taught me how to love. And for that, I would be eternally grateful. I would pray every night that he’d find the kind of love he was so deserving of, the kind that would make him realize that what just happened between us happened for a reason.





CHAPTER TWENTY-SEVEN




* * *



AMBER



EIGHT MONTHS LATER




Since moving to Chicago, phone calls from Annabelle were always a welcome addition to any afternoon.

“Someone wants to say hello,” she said.

His voice was deep as he droned, “Hiiii.”

“Hi, Milo! I miss you!”

She came back on the line. “Wasn’t that adorable? He’s smiling, too.”

“You’re gonna make me cry.”

“I told him we were going to call Amber, and you know what he did? He pulled up an old Daria video on YouTube.”

“Shut up! That’s so funny. That’s the cartoon version of me.”

“I know! I remember you told me that.”

“Hysterical.”

Annabelle proved exactly how much of a true of a friend she was before I left Boston. Shortly after I was discharged from the hospital, it became clear that if Channing and I were going to be together, one of us had to move. Taking Christine out of the only environment she was familiar with was not going to help her ability to sustain her awareness. As heartbreaking as it was to think about leaving Boston behind, the decision was a no-brainer. Channing needed to be in Chicago. He was my home. I needed to move home.

But I refused to go until I could find someone trustworthy to work with Milo at night. It wasn’t my responsibility to find a replacement per se. The agency that assigned me to his case technically would find one eventually. But I didn’t trust that they would find the right person. I wanted someone who would stay for a while and really nurture him, someone who would care for him as well as I did.

During the weeks that I was still in Boston after Channing returned to Chicago, Annabelle could see how hard it was for me living away from him while I tried to get my ducks in order. She insisted that I let her be an interim replacement for Milo and that she would also work to find a permanent person. She pretended like she was welcoming the break from her kids in the evenings, but I knew working those extra hours was a sacrifice she was making for me. Since she had the same level of experience working with special needs individuals that I did, I was comfortable leaving him in her hands. So desperate to be with Channing, I eventually gave in, and thankfully, it seemed to have worked out really well. Eight months later, she was still looking after him, but it seemed to be purely by choice.

“He’s really doing okay?”

“He’s doing awesome. It’s a family affair up in here. He loves hanging out with Jenna and Alex. And they love him. They always ask me if he really has to go back to the group home. It’s sweet. The big question is…how are you? I miss my friend.”

“I miss you, too…so much.” I sighed. “Things here are…busy. Every day with Christine is full of ups and downs, but every day I realize more and more that this is where I belong.”

“Oh, I know you’re exactly where you’re meant to be.”

“It’s really nice getting to see my parents whenever I want, too. They’ve been coming over some nights and having dinner with us.”