Gaslight (Crossbreed #4)(116)

“Did I not say you had to go deep to find it? I’ve been with a lot of women. I can’t exactly have an identifying mark on my body.”

“I’m just surprised you didn’t put it on your dick so you could show how big the bird gets.”

He shivered. “If it’s one place liquid fire doesn’t go, it’s there.”

“So you’d have no problem with a needle on your manly bits?”

“The needle would have hurt, to be sure. But I draw the line at liquid fire.”

Distracted by earlier events, I switched topics. “Do you think they’ll arrest me for killing those men?”

Christian raked his hair back. “Forget about all that. Has anyone ever told you how fetching you are?”

“Don’t do that, Christian. I’m in serious trouble. Maybe not with Viktor, but when the locals find out, they’ll probably bury me alive. What if those two men were in a pack? What if they were friends with a high member of the Council?”

He propped his head in his hand and looked down at me. “I won’t let that happen. You have my word I’ll protect you. Now, can we talk about something besides your death? I’m trying to bask in the afterglow.”

I pinched his dark nipple. “What are other Vampire women like?”

“Are you asking how you compare?”

I shrugged. “You once told me you like classy women, but I’m not sure if you were talking about in bed or just in general. Maybe I came along and piqued your curiosity. I cuss, my clothes have holes, I talk about murder postcoital, and I don’t take shit from you.” I made sure to say that with a smile. “I’ve heard about Vampire women and how sophisticated they are. I’m just curious how I stack up.”

His fingers brushed my cheek. “You’re nothing I ever wanted, and yet… you’re everything.”

“Christian, you never answered me before. Did I love you?”

His lips pressed into a thin line, and he looked away. Anger darkened his features. When he turned his gaze back, he looked more composed. “Do you trust me?”

“For reasons I can’t explain.”

“I can’t undo what your maker did to you. I can’t make it right, and he’s the only one who can restore those memories and whatever feelings you had for me. I’m not the one who can give you that answer. What do you feel in your heart to be true?”

My eyes dragged down to his Adam’s apple. “Do you think it’s gone?”

“Your heart?”

“No. My conscience.”

He stroked my hair, his expression grim. “I don’t know. You’re asking a man who might not have one himself.”

I touched the onyx ring on his finger. “Where do we go from here?”

He cupped his hand around my nape and kissed my forehead. “At first what your maker did angered me. Then I thought… maybe it’s for the better. But I want you, and there’s no denying it. Things that happened between us can’t be repeated in the exact sequence. Those conversations have to happen in the right place and time. Being with Keystone complicates matters, and I don’t want you beholden to me over a forgotten promise. We have to either start over or not at all.”

“It’s hard for me to trust a feeling that has no memory.” I nuzzled closer to him. “Does that throw a monkey wrench in your plan to possess me?”

“I don’t want to possess you, Raven. I want to know you. Your enemies are my enemies. Your pain is my pain.”

What was Christian’s version of love? Would it save or destroy me? He didn’t have to say those three words; I heard them in his promises.

I traced my index finger around the hard knot in his throat. “I wish I could say I was a hopeless romantic, but maybe I’m just hopeless. Would it be cruel to ask for time to see where this goes? I can’t love someone if I don’t know why.”

His embrace warmed me like a security blanket. “Aye, Precious. If there’s one thing I have, it’s time.”

“My memories have too many holes, so I need to make new ones.”

“Worry not, lass. I’ll fill your holes.”

Too tired to laugh, I yawned, drifting to a quiet space in my head. “Do you think I would have drowned in the ocean or frozen to death first?”

“Killer whales. That’s where I’d put my money.”

“Not sea lions?”

“Jaysus no. All they’d do is take a nip and swim off. But you don’t want to feck around with a pod of hungry orcas.”

“They don’t eat people.”

“Don’t they now? Orcas are the wolves of the sea. I once saw a whale eat a moose.”

“There would have been nothing left of me.”

He kissed my head. “They can’t digest bones.”

“I’m not sure what bothers me more—this conversation or how much you know about whales.”

“I get bored easily. I used to spend a lot of time at zoos and aquariums.”

I chuckled softly, the pull of sleep getting stronger. “Christian?”

“Hmmm?”

“Don’t take off the ring.”





Chapter 33