Fight or Flight(98)

I still looked a little tired, but that could be explained away by traveling, and not the result of a broken heart. I didn’t want Stella to know about Caleb. I didn’t want anyone to know.

But that was not to be, because as I walked to work that morning I got a call from my uncle David. We’d kept in touch during his travels. However, my gut instinct told me somehow he’d found out. Not somehow, actually. My gut told me Harper had called him.

“Hey, you,” I greeted, trying to sound like I wasn’t dreading him asking me how I was.

“Hey, sweetheart,” he said, and I flinched at the underlying sympathy and concern in just those two words.

“I’m fine,” I said, wincing at how agitated I sounded.

“Hmm. Harper called.”

“Yeah, I guessed that.” I was going to kill her.

“She’s worried about you.”

“I’m fine.”

“You don’t sound fine.”

“I’m hurrying to work, that’s why.”

“Sure.”

“Uncle David.” I blew out an exasperated sigh. “How are you?”

“I’m good. We’re good. How are you since some asshole broke your heart?”

“I’d rather not talk about it.”

“Fearne and I were thinking about coming home a little early and—”

“Nope,” I said immediately, attempting not to feel anger but only gratitude that he cared that much. “Do not come home early because of me. I am a grown woman and a nonrelationship relationship I was in, unsurprisingly, did not work out. I am not going to wallow. And having my uncle, whom I love dearly for thinking so much of me, cut his travel plans short to come home and hold my hand is the equivalent of wallowing.”

He was quiet a moment and then he sighed heavily. “No wallowing.”

“No wallowing.”

“It’s just … Harper was worried that something this man said may have caused serious emotional harm.”

Harper’s concerns for me were similar to my concerns about how she would recover from Vince’s assault. I didn’t want him to change her. And she didn’t want Caleb to change me. Yet that was inevitable. However, as I stood frozen on the corner of Walnut Street and Beacon, I was hit with powerful determination.

“No.” I shook my head, staring dazedly around me. “I’m not going to let what he said undo all the good he did. He … my time with him … it woke me up, Uncle David. Nick made me afraid to trust people—he made me afraid to think about settling down with someone worthy and starting a family. But I want those things. As scary as it is to try to reach for them, as frightened as I am of someone hurting me again, I have to believe that there’s someone out there who will love me. I’ve seen it. I see it in you and Fearne, Jason and Gillian, Patrice and Michael, Stella and Iain—hell, even in Mom and Dad in their own weird way.”

“I’m glad to hear this,” my uncle said softly. “I worry about you being alone.”

I didn’t want to be alone anymore.

It hurt that the person I wanted to be with didn’t want me, and I could feel my throat tightening painfully with the emotion, but I breathed through it, searching for calm.

“Ava?”

“I’m okay,” I croaked out. “Or I will be. Eventually.”

He was quiet so long I thought we’d disconnected, but then he told me, “We’re all afraid of something, sweetheart. It’s up to us whether we stay and fight that fear … or whether we run and hide from it. I’m glad you’re not going to hide anymore. You have to promise not to hide anymore.”

“I promise.” I swiped at a tear that escaped, ducking my head, embarrassed I was getting emotional on a street corner.

He cleared his throat, as though uncomfortable with all the emotion. “Well, good. I know … I know I’m gone a lot, but you know I’m still here, don’t you?”

In all honesty, I’d let myself forget.

But I wouldn’t again. “I know. I love you.”

“I love you too. Fearne and I will be home in three weeks. We’ll arrange a dinner.”

“I’d like that.”

We hung up and I continued on to work, shaking a little with my epiphany. It was too much not to share with Harper, so I called her while she was in the middle of bossing a junior chef around at Canterbury. As I stepped into our building on Beacon Street, Harper left the kitchen to hear me.

“You’re mad I called David?” she asked, sounding confused.

“No, but a little heads-up would have been nice.”

“I just wanted to remind you that you had more than me who loves you. Like you reminded me that I have more than you.”

“I know and I get that. Actually, it was a good conversation.” I waved to Stella as I passed her office and headed for my own. “I realized something. I’m not giving up.”

Harper went silent. And then I could hear the glower in her tone, “On Caleb?”

“No.” I flinched at his name. “That’s over. You were right. Even if he does care about me, I couldn’t be with someone who would choose to inflict that kind of pain on me just to protect himself. No … I’m not giving up on love.” I paused, wrinkling my nose. “That sounded less cheesy in my head.”