Fight or Flight(95)

“You’re in love with me.” I couldn’t hold back my emotion anymore.

He just stared at me. Giving me nothing.

So I wrenched the words out, hoping that he’d crack knowing what they cost me. “And I’m so in love with you,” I whispered. Sadly. My heart breaking because those words should be whispered in elation. Not in sorrow and regret.

Because he was making me regret them with every second that passed.

Especially when his eyes turned pitying again. “I dinnae. And I’m not going tae feel bad, because we agreed this was casual.”

“What happened to our friendship?” I seethed now. “Or is this the way you treat your friends?”

“I think we both knew that as soon as one of us lost interest in sex with the other that the friendship would die.”

So matter of fact.

So cold.

“I don’t believe you.”

His eyes lit with anger and I almost rejoiced at the sign of emotion. “Then believe this. I’ve got someone coming tae the apartment this morning.”

I felt like I might throw up. “Someone?”

“Aye. Someone, Ava. Someone who is going tae stick tae the rules.”

Liar.

“And who is this someone?”

“Jen.” He answered immediately.

Jen Granton? Yeah. He was lying. My nausea eased. “That’s a little pathetic, Caleb.”

Still, the thought that he might have started sleeping with anyone already made tears prick my eyes. I hated him for it. “You were just going to start sleeping with someone else without telling me this was over?”

For a moment he was silent and then he looked away, as if he couldn’t bear to stare at me any longer.

“Stop lying,” I said. “Jen isn’t on her way over.”

“If she was, it would be none of your business,” he snapped, striding toward me suddenly, looking furious, masking what I knew with certainty was panic. “We’re no longer each other’s business.”

I shook my head, frustrated that he wouldn’t just admit the truth. Caleb was usually so brutally honest that I didn’t know how to handle him like this. I had to make him admit that he loved me, but how? “Why would you want me to think you’re with her?”

“Maybe because I am.”

“Nah. You’ve developed champagne tastes, Caleb. You can’t go back to cheap wine.”

Something like admiration flickered in his gaze and he smirked. “Arrogance doesn’t become you, Ava.”

“Yes, it does.” I stepped into his personal space and watched him tense and glower instantly. “You want me right now.”

He put his hands on my shoulders and gently pushed me away from him, dropping his hands like I’d scalded him. “I dinnae know how tae make this any clearer. We’re done. You’ve forced the conversation so here it is. I dinnae want you anymore because you broke the rules. You think I didn’t know how you were starting tae feel after your tantrum about Carissa?”

“Tantrum?” I sucked in a breath at the word. “Screw you, Caleb.”

“You’ve done that.” He moved away, walking toward the window, his tone cold and sardonic. “Now find someone new tae do it with.”

“Stop this,” I demanded. “Just … stop! I know you’re scared. I’m scared. But we’ve found something amazing here. Don’t throw it away because of what she did. If I’m willing to be brave enough to give something real between us a shot, then shouldn’t you be too?”

He glanced over his shoulder at me, his expression shadowed by the glare of daylight from the window. Then he fully turned, strode back toward me, and his voice was as icy as his eyes. “I’ve tried tae be as diplomatic as I’m capable of here. Since it’s not working, here’s the truth. I could never love you, Ava. Is that clear enough? Never.”

Each word was like a knife slice through my skin, every inch of me seeming to burn from the pain. Some small spark of hope that was clinging to the belief that it was his fear talking died as Caleb drew his gaze down my body and back up again.

There was something in the way that he looked at me. Disdain he was trying hard not to reveal.

It reminded me of the way Nick had looked at me when he told me he could never love me like he’d loved Gem.

And that was when realization hit me with so much force I honestly couldn’t breathe for a second or two. Survival kicked in and I gulped in a huge gasp of air, not aware of Caleb taking a step toward me, only aware of the sudden glaring truth.

“You don’t see me as anything but a piece of ass,” I said softly, not seeing him, not seeing anything. “Just a pretty face.”

When he didn’t say anything, when he didn’t disagree, I tried to make him.

“Your jealousy? Your possessiveness? They meant nothing?”

“That isn’t love. It’s lust. Pure and simple. You’re beautiful and you know I’m attracted tae you. Aye, it made me possessive of you. But that isn’t love. Not like you want. And that’s why this needs tae end.”

He couldn’t have said anything worse. He couldn’t have killed the hope inside me any more proficiently. And in that moment my love turned to hate as quickly as a match striking tinder.