Fight or Flight(96)

I hated him more than I had ever hated anyone.

Finally I dragged my gaze up to meet his, feeling lost and sick, and wondering how I was going to put myself back together again. Why was I so unlovable? “What was it Nick said? That I’m empty? Nothing to see here but a beautiful face.” My voice hardened with the bitterness rising up inside of me.

All I saw was my pain and rage. I didn’t see the way Caleb paled at my words. “Ava.”

I turned, needing to get out of there, to find someplace to lick my wounds. Someplace where I could find the strength one more time to not let Nick’s or Caleb’s treatment of me turn me into something cold and filled with self-loathing.

That wasn’t here.

I needed to be as far away from this man, whom I had trusted more than any man—I hated him!

“Ava.” I heard his footsteps behind me and I picked up my pace, throwing his apartment door open. “Ava!”

Instinct made me run to the elevator, my hands shaking as I hit the button. Thankfully, it binged right open.

“Ava!” I heard Caleb roar, but I wouldn’t look up.

“Shut the door, shut the door, shut the door,” I muttered in prayer.

It shut before he could reach it.

I heard the muffled shout of my name once more as the elevator descended.

I was in so much pain I was almost numb from it. Like my brain had frozen my pain receptors because it knew my body, my heart, couldn’t handle it.

The elevator doors opened and I walked out into the reception in a daze. Harper was waiting for me, sitting on one of the reception chairs, reading a magazine. Her head lifted at the sight of me and she stood, her smile faltering at my expression.

An overwhelming rush of love for her broke through the numbness and tears began spilling down my cheeks before I could stop them. Not wanting to have a public meltdown, I grabbed her good arm when she came toward me. “I need to go home,” I whispered.

Concern and fury fought for dominance in her eyes but she controlled both, taking hold of me to lead me out of the building. “What happened?” she asked as she searched the street for a cab.

“He said just because I was beautiful didn’t mean he could love me. It was Nick all over again.” I wiped angrily at my tears. “Why do men want me to feel worthless? What is that?” I laughed harshly.

“I’m going to kill him,” Harper growled with such menace I thought she might actually mean it.

Thankfully, a cab appeared before she could, and she waved it down. Just as I was getting in it, someone shouted my name.

Not someone.

Him.

I glanced back over my shoulder to see Caleb standing outside the building, his chest heaving like he was out of breath.

“Get in.” Harper practically pushed me into the cab. Then she yelled, “Burn in hell, dickwad!” before sliding into the cab beside me. “Mount Vernon Street. Now,” she ordered the driver.

He pulled away and I kept my eyes straight ahead, determined not to look back.

“He’s a liar and a coward, Ava.” Harper wrapped her arms around me as she spoke. “He loves you, I know it. But he doesn’t deserve you. A man who knows what you’ve been through, who knows what saying that to you would do to you, doesn’t deserve you. He chose to protect himself over protecting you and that is not okay. Do you understand? It’s not okay and you need to let him go.”

I nodded, feeling so dazed, it was a little like being drugged. I think I might have been in shock. “You’re right.”

“You are the smartest, bravest, kindest, funniest woman I know. No one can take that from you.” She gripped my hand tight. “You told me you were afraid I’d lose myself after what Vince did, and I’m trying really hard not to. And now you have to do the same. You can’t let Caleb shatter all the pieces of yourself you put back together after Nick and Gemma’s betrayal. Okay?”

I glanced up from our hands to hold her gaze. “Okay.”

“Promise?”

“I promise.” I took strength from her strength.

“We have each other. That’s more than some people ever get.”

“Damn straight.”

Our eyes were mirrors, reflecting back pain that we were determined to obliterate with our silent solidarity and gratitude for each other.





Twenty-eight


Caleb called.

Five minutes after the cab pulled away, my phone rang. Harper saw the gut-punch look on my face and promptly took the phone from me and blocked Caleb’s number. She then proceeded to give the cabdriver her address, in case the Scot decided to pay me an immediate visit.

I felt exhausted as we climbed the stairs to Harper’s place. My limbs were heavy, my eyes felt swollen, and all of my insides felt like they’d just suffered through an internal earthquake. It almost felt like the time when I was fifteen in the car with my mother when someone slammed into us in an intersection. For a while afterward my body still shook from the impact. That’s how I felt now.

My phone rang again in my purse and Harper shook her head at my wide-eyed look of panic. “It can’t be,” she said. “I blocked him.”

Fumbling for my phone, I winced when I saw it was Stella. I was not in the mood to take a work call, but I was also incapable of ignoring calls from my boss. “Stella?” I said, hoping I sounded normal.