Fallen Woman(46)

“I hurts.” Her voice was muffled by his neck, but the pain was evident.

“What hurts?”

“Everything.” The tears started back up, and with hers came mine. I knew I was reaching my breaking point, but I tried desperately not to crack around my children. The financial stress, the unemployment, Emmy’s illness, the kids always needing something, Miss Pearl being sick—it was just too much.

He turned to me. “Gia, she’s burning up. Why haven’t you taken her to a doctor?” The accusatory tone didn’t sit well with me in my already fragile state.

Before I could respond, Emmy sobbed in desperation. “Can you make it not hurt?” Her big eyes stared at him waiting for a reply.

“I can’t make it not hurt, sweetheart, but I can take you to a doctor.”

“But that’s what daddies do!” she wailed. “They fix their little girls.”

I started to correct her, to console her, to explain to her that Jase isn’t her daddy, but he started talking, and I went mute. “Daddies can’t fix everything, but they can help other people fix things when they don’t know how. I bet Mommy can get an appointment for you to see your doctor. He can help, right?”

I took in a sharp breath, closed my eyes, and counted to ten silently. He was about a nanosecond away from being cussed out. Instead, I opened my eyes when I finished counting and looked at Emmy. “Ems, can you sit by yourself for a minute so I can talk to Jase?”

“Is him leaving?”

“No, I’m not going anywhere. We’ll be right back.” He set her down and followed me outside. I was afraid she’d hear me if we went in the bedroom.

I lectured him in a hushed voice just outside the apartment door. “What are you thinking? I can’t take her to the doctor, Jase. You can’t make her promises I can’t keep.”

His confusion was obvious. “Why not?”

“Look, I don’t expect you to understand, but there’s more here than you know about.”

“I’d love to understand, but you won’t give me any information. I want to help, Gianna, but I’m walking blind here. If you need me to take you guys, get in the car and let’s go. If it—”

Interrupting the Good Samaritan, my voice got louder and louder. “I can’t pay for it, Jase! Dang. Not everyone has a bank account loaded with cash. I don’t have it.”

He cocked his head to the side and was quiet for an unusually long time as though he was debating the best way to approach the subject or possibly formulate a game plan, but there was nothing he could suggest I hadn’t already thought of. “Then take her to the emergency room. They have to treat her there. They can’t turn her away.”

“You don’t understand!” I screamed at him.

He roared back at me. “Then tell me! Tell me why I can’t take that little girl to the doctor so they can make her feel better. Tell me why you’re hiding whatever’s wrong with her from me. Tell me what you need so I can make it happen, Gia! Stop shutting me out!” He’d caged me against the brick as he hollered in my face and I slid to the ground when he finished.

Sitting on the concrete with my head in my hands, Jase squatted in front of me.

“She has to go to a specialist,” I choked out, unable to make visual contact with him. I felt his stormy gray eyes watching me intently but refused to meet them. “I owe them too much money. Until I pay down the balance, they won’t see her.” The hiccupping made my words difficult to understand.

“How much could you possibly owe a doctor’s office? You have health insurance through Faston, right?”

Slowly, I raised my head, glaring at him. I wasn’t angry with him, but he got the lashing because he was the one in front of me. “None of it’s covered.” I could tell by the bewilderment that raised his brow and the way his eyes went wide, he either didn’t believe me or couldn’t comprehend it.

“How’s that possible? We have fantastic insurance.”

“I doesn’t matter how great the insurance is.” He sat down beside me as if he expected me to start opening up. “It’s not recognized by the CDC as a disease, so only initial treatment like antibiotics are covered.”

“Gia, what is the it we’re talking about?” His voice was soft and soothing, and I wanted nothing more than to collapse into the comfort it promised, but that’s not reality.

“We’re going to have to have that conversation another time. Emmy’s inside alone and sick. I need to get myself together and go back in.”

“We can go through the details later, fine, but I need to know now what you need in order to get her in to see her doctor…today.” He wasn’t going to relent, and the actuality was, I knew he’d take care of it the moment I told him. I had to swallow my pride and accept the help he would offer for the sake of my daughter.

“Seventeen hundred dollars.”

“Wow. That’s how much you owe them?”

“No. That’s how much I have to pay them to get the account back in good enough standing so they’ll see her. The balance is another story completely.”

“Do they take plastic?”

“I’m sure they do.” I couldn’t take my eyes off the ground. I felt defeated as a mother, as a provider, and as an adult in general. These kids had been entrusted to me, and I failed them daily.