Fall Back Skyward (Fall Back #1)(71)

He scrambles out of the bed and grabs my shoulders. “I don’t care, Nor. Just come to bed. Let me hold you, all right?”

Those words breakdown the wall I’ve been erecting since I was in the shower. I fall into his arms and let him lead me to the bed. He gathers me in his arms. “It’s okay, Nor. I’m here.”

I lean back to look into his eyes. “I was standing in front of the shelves with razor blades. The urge to buy them was so strong. God, I’m weak.”

“You did not buy the razors. You won the fight.” He glances down at the red marks on my forearm where I dug the car keys in. “You stopped yourself. Don’t stop fighting, Snowflake. Fight whatever demons keep you awake at night. Just don’t stop fighting.”

Our lips are almost touching. I can feel his breath fanning the skin around my mouth. Sliding my hands to cup his face, I press my lips to his. A kiss seeking comfort. He kisses me back, softly at first and sighs under his breath, a cross between a moan and a groan. He cups my face with one hand, and wraps the other around the nape of my neck, pulling me closer. Holding me captive. I move and latch my legs around his hips momentarily disconnecting our mouths but not for long. His hand leaves my face, slides down my neck, the side of my breast and down lower. He lifts the edge of my dress and wraps his fingers around my lower back, holding me against his body.

A light blinks feverishly behind my closed eyes. I open them to see the little alarm light on the nightstand lighting up to indicate someone is knocking on Cole’s door. I scramble off Cole’s lap just as his mom walks into the room. My face is flaming as her gaze narrows on me and then her son.

“Staying within limits, okay?” She asks loudly at the same time signing. She has this rule that the boys can take girls to their room but never go beyond kissing.

Cole nods and looks at me, his face flushed and eyes dark. I can’t meet his eyes. I can’t meet Maggie’s eyes and not because she caught us kissing up a storm.

I swing my legs out of the bed and stagger upright. “I have to go,” I sign while saying the words out loud. “See you later?”

Cole moves from the bed as if to follow me, but I shake my head. His eyebrows are furrowed as he studies my every move. I know he’s looking at me because I know the feel of his eyes.





LAST NIGHT WHEN I CAME back home from Cole’s house, I came to a conclusion: I was going to have to talk to Maggie. My notebook is filled with a million words. I’ve been trying to get it all out. Music isn’t helping me as much as it did before. Yesterday’s near breakdown was my undoing and it made me realize that there was no way I was going to allow myself to go off the deep end. I wasn’t going to carry other people’s burdens. I was already carrying my own.

I have one mission today. I pretend I’m sick today so I can handle this.

Standing at my window, I watch Cole get into his car and drive away. Seconds later, a black truck pulls in front of the Holloway’s house playing loud hip hop music. Josh, with an overnight bag slung over his shoulder, dashes from the front door and waves to his mom who is standing on the front porch before he jogs toward the car. After a round of greetings, Josh gets in the truck.. Seconds later, it speeds off down the street and disappears around the corner.

I rush downstairs and out of the door. Two minutes later, I’m standing in front of the Holloway’s front door. I take deep breaths to calm my racing heart and quickly wipe the sweat now beading on my forehead.

Am I going to do this? Confront Cole’s mother about whatever I saw on her lawn? God, why does it feel like I’m about to cross a line, that I might change things exponentially? I spin around and climb down the steps, then stop and ball my hands into fists.

I can’t live like this. I feel drained all the time and if I don’t get to the root of this, I might relapse.

There is no way I’m going to let that happen. I have too much to lose.

Shaking my hands at my side, I whirl around and ring the bell before I can bail. I hear the sound of muffled footsteps coming toward me from the other side of the door. I hold my breath, waiting, and when the door opens, Maggie blinks, and her eyes widen slightly.

“Eleanor.” Her gaze darts over my shoulder before returning back to me. “Why aren’t you in school? Cole left—”

“Actually, I wanted to talk to you.”

Her eyebrows shoot up but she seems to recover fast. “I’m about to take Nick to school. Can it wait until later?”

I shake my head. “No, I just need a few minutes.”

She nods and steps aside, allowing me entrance.

Once inside, she gestures for me to sit on the couch but I shake my head. I’m too nervous to stay put in one place.

She clears her throat and raises a brow. Her hands are clasped in front of her tightly.

Right. My grandmother has a saying that goes something like, Choose your battles well. If you know you cannot handle it, then walk away.

I chose this battle. The only thing that terrifies me is that I have no idea which condition I will come out of it in.

Without further pre-empt, I blurt out, “I saw you and my father arguing on your lawn two weeks ago.”

Her face blanches and her mouth falls open then closes again. “What?”

“Are you and my father having an affair?”

She gasps, then sits down on the couch, dropping her face in her hands. “Why would you think that?”