Fall Back Skyward (Fall Back #1)(70)

The darkness inside me is like a yawning chasm, eager to swallow me whole. I grip the phone tighter in one hand and scroll through my contacts again and stop on Cole’s name. I hesitate, because I have no idea how he will react when he sees me like this. He knows me as the strong girl who fought and is still fighting her demons. I think about calling Grandma, but I can’t let her see me like this either. And neither can my sisters.

I find Megs’ name and call her. It rings once but I disconnect it quickly.

Despite my deepest fears and the guilt ravaging my soul, the only person I want to see right now is the same person I’m afraid I’ll end up losing the minute he sees me in this condition.

No one else but him.

Cole.

My Cole, even though the reason for my breakdown involves our parents and whatever secrets lie between them. The weight of it is dragging me down. Every emotion inside me is flailing, searching for something to latch on to. I’m seconds away from reverting to that helpless little girl that found release inflicting pain on herself. Cole has never seen me at my worst, because the angels in me keep the demons at bay whenever he’s around me. He’s the only person I’ve ever admitted to about the things I’d gladly take to my grave, my truest fears and the fact that I’d harm my own father to stop him from hurting my family. To save Cole.

But am I ready to tell him about my dad and his mom?

I wipe my cheeks with the back of my hand and quickly shoot a text to Megs with shaking fingers.

Me: Please come and get me. Stuck in front of Wal-Mart.

I press send. I can’t bring myself to tell her the truth over a text.

Seconds pass. What if she doesn’t have her phone with her?

One minute passes. I know this because I’m squinting at the phone, waiting. Tears blur my eyesight. I hate how weak I am right now. I look like a junkie in need of her next fix.

My phone lights up as a text comes through.

Megs: On my way.

Five minutes later, the sound of tires on tarmac claim my attention. Megs’ Prius drives by slowly, her eyes darting out the window, searching for me. She spots me, reverses and slides into the parking space across from me. I managed to climb to my feet to wait for her. It’s enough that I look pathetic in the first place anyway.

She jumps out of the car, grinning. At the same time, Cole steps out of the other door and Simon too. I groan, inwardly.

Shit.

Megs’ grin disappears as she gets closer before dashing to my side with her arms outstretched ready to hug me.

“What happened, love?” she whispers as she hugs me tightly.

“I didn’t want him to see me like this.”

“You know how he is when it comes to you. I was about to leave when I received your text. He jumped in my car before I could stop him,” she says quickly.

Cole is zeroing in on us and he looks at me with shock and sorrow. I probably look like a complete mess.

He pulls me from Megs’ arms and envelops me in his. I close my eyes, letting the feel of his body soothe me. When I open them again, Simon is standing next to Megs, his hands shoved inside his Capri pants, speaking to Megs in a low voice.

Cole pulls back. He holds out his hand and says, “Keys.”

I blink at him, confused.

He points to my car. I nod and place them on his palm. He signs something to Simon, who nods and says, “We’ll see you guys later,” then takes Megs’ hand and drags her toward the car. Cole opens my car and jerks his chin for me to get in.

After telling Megs I will call her as soon as I get home, I get in the car. Cole follows me and slides in the driver’s seat. This Cole is kind of scary. He’s determined.

When we arrive at our neighborhood, instead of taking me to my house, he kisses my forehead and leads us to his. Nick is on the porch, playing race cars with a friend of his. After saying a muffled hello to them, we head inside the house. Maggie’s voice drifts from the kitchen. She’s talking on the phone.

Shit.

She is the last person I want to see today. I drag my feet on the carpet and Cole stops and raises his brows at me as if to ask “What’s wrong?” But I can’t tell him yet. I need a little more time.

Cole tugs me by the hand upstairs to the bathroom and locks the door. He turns on the shower, turns to me, and motions for me to lift my arms.

“I can undress myself,” I say quietly, but making sure he can read my lips.

He keeps his gaze on my face and shakes his head.

I sigh and take a deep breath, then lift my arms. He makes efficient work of undressing me and when he’s done, he nods toward the shower. I step inside and he pulls the doors closed. When I’m done I linger a bit longer, hoping Cole will eventually leave the bathroom. I finally give up and slide open the door. Cole is holding the towel out for me and wraps it around me, rubbing my body dry. He unhooks a T-shirt from his shoulder that I hadn’t noticed before and slides it over my head. Finally he leads me to his room, drops my hand and scrambles on his bed before urging me to go to him.

I blink back tears, and shake my head. “I’m sorry you had to see that.”

“I’m not sorry.”

Finally, the tears I’ve been holding onto fall down my cheeks. “I’m a mess, Cole. I can’t. . .” I suck in a deep breath. “I keep promising myself I’ll be better next time. God, I need to leave. You don’t want me like this.”