Fall Back Skyward (Fall Back #1)(19)

I start to pace, my hands clenched into fists on my side. I hope we get to the hospital on time. I notice Cora waving to catch my attention from the corner of my eye. I stop and face her.

“Is everything okay?” she signs. I glance at Joce, sitting stiffly on the couch her entire focus on me.

What the hell do I tell them? I have no idea how much they know about Josh’s condition or what Nor told them. How do I tell them that the father they have known all their lives is dying? How do I break my daughters’ hearts without destroying mine?

Taking a deep breath, I walk to the couch and gesture for Cora to join us.

I clear my throat and then reach out and take each of their hands in mine. They don’t pull away so I figure they are okay with the contact.

“Do you know why your daddy is in the hospital?” I glance at their faces to gauge their reaction.

Joce nods solemnly. “Mama says he is very sick.”

I look at Cora. Gone is the bouncy girl I met half an hour ago. Her eyes fill with tears and her bottom lip quivers as she nods.

I feel my eyes burn with suppressed tears, imagining they have lived with this knowledge for a while now.

“Grandma Maggie called. Your daddy wants to see us. All of us.”

Their tiny faces brighten immediately and I have no idea how to tell them that Josh might be asking to see us for the last time. I just can’t do it.

Unable to hold back any longer, I slip both of my arms around their waists and hug them. “I think you two are the bravest girls I’ve ever met. Keep your heads up and keep on moving,” I tell them when we pull apart.

“Daddy always says that,” Cora says, wiping her cheeks. Her gaze moves over my shoulder. “Aunt Elise, Uncle Cole says daddy wants to see us.”

I shift my body to face Elise and I see Nor trailing behind her sister, the shadows around her eyes look darker.

“Yes, he does,” Elise signs, shooting me a grateful look. “Come on, little darlings.”

I drop my hands and the girls dash toward Nor. Her face transforms from worry to delight as she smooths the girls’ hair and then kisses their foreheads. She looks my way from over the top of our daughters’ heads, nodding subtly before turning and herding them out the door. Dragging my fingers through my hair, I stand up and follow, my feet heavy with trepidation.

We finally arrive at the hospital and rush to the waiting area where Mom, Dad and Nick are seated, focused on Dr. Heinemann as he speaks. Megs stands beside him, her hands shoved inside the pockets of her blue scrubs. Mom seems to have aged since I last saw her this morning. She’s holding Dad’s hand tightly. I don’t realize I’ve been staring in their direction for a long time until Mom stands up and walks toward me.

“I forgot to ask for your number. Josh was asking for you. Even weak with pain and drowsy from the medication they gave him, he kept murmuring your name over and over.”

I swallow hard and nod.

The doctor walks toward us and Mom stops talking, and faces the doctor with a hopeful look on her face. It breaks my heart to see her like this. Dr Heinemann looks grim, his lips drawn in a thin line. He starts to speak and I have to watch his lips intently so I don’t miss a word.

“He wants to see all of you but insists to speak to his brother first and then his wife and children.” He glances at me. “In normal occasions, we advise no more than two visitors at a time. But in this case, we’ll make an exception.”

I trail after the doctor, shoving my clammy hands into the pockets of my pants. We stop outside Josh’s room, and after the doctor advises me to keep the conversation between me and my brother light, he walks away.

Light? Is he kidding?

Shaking my head, I push the door open. The atmosphere has shifted since I was here earlier today. It’s heavier, as if death is hovering just around the corner, waiting to snatch him up at any time.





FIVE CRACKS. THERE ARE FIVE cracks on the ceiling. I could close my eyes and tell you exactly where they are positioned.

I’ve been lying in this bed for far too long. My only source of entertainment —when the pain becomes unbearable, when regret comes flooding in—is to focus on those cracks.

The nurse gave me a shot of pain medication before she left. My body feels lethargic. Painless. It’s finally giving up, though. I’ve been holding on for too long, waiting for Cole. Now, I can finally let go. I never knew a person could put death on hold by sheer will, but I think I succeeded in doing that. Or God somehow answered my prayers.

Whichever.

I’m grateful my parents and Nor contacted him when they did. I wanted to be the one to tell him I was dying. I wanted to talk to him before I left this world. Ask him to give Nor the benefit of the doubt. I never set out to hurt Cole. I never contemplated marrying Nor, until the day I stepped through the front door of her house and saw her father’s furious face so full of vengeance.

Yes. I wanted her the moment she moved in next door. I was twenty-one and a savvy flirt. I’d lie in bed at night and think about the girl with innocent green eyes, a dimple and a constant look of pain in her stare. Just looking into her eyes, I knew. The scars on her body proved it. I knew she’d had a difficult past. I wanted to protect her. Wipe away the bad and give her a clean slate.

I never did though. She already belonged to someone else.

My brother.

Nor was Cole’s from the second he laid eyes on her. The connection was powerful. Every time she walked into a room, or Cole’s gaze was on her, his face would soften and his lips pulled into a smile. Every time Cole looked at Nor, she’d bloom under his stare.