Fall Back Skyward (Fall Back #1)(17)

“I run it now. Grandma Phoebe passed away a few years ago.”

My fingers itch to tuck those strands of hair behind her ear. Pull her to my chest. Comfort her.

Instead, I tighten my hold on the wheel. “I’m sorry.”

She stares into my eyes for a few seconds. I can see questions locked in there, fighting to break free. It’s a wonder she hasn’t exploded yet with whatever she’s holding inside her chest.

“Why didn’t you reply to my letters, Cole?” Her eyes are bright with tears. “I don’t blame you for not wanting to have anything to do with me. I’d probably have done the same thing if I were in your shoes. . .” She pauses and inhales deeply. “I wanted them to know you so badly.”

I try and fail miserably to think of a suitable excuse. “I’m sorry. I was wrong to ignore the letters.”

Her features soften immediately and she lifts her hands from her lap and signs, “I’m not blaming you. I just need to understand. Please make me understand.” She stops and rubs her eyes with the heel of her hand. “I got the private mail box address you were sharing with Simon from his mom. She also gave me your home address. I wrote you letters, hoping to get a reply from you. But I never received any letters. Josh flew to New York to search for you, but when he got to the address, the landlord informed him that you had moved houses.”

I drag my fingers through my hair, tugging it back in frustration. I can’t bring myself to tell her how much I hated her and Josh. How much I craved her smile, her touch every night, and then hated her all over again in the morning. I would rather she thinks I’m a jerk, but I can’t hurt her like that.

I rub my forehead, feeling drained. “Tell me what to expect when we get to your house. Please.”

She shakes her head and quickly wipes the tears on her cheeks. “They think Josh is their father. I’ve tried so many times to tell them the truth over the years, but with every passing month, year I didn’t hear from you, doubts filled me. What if you weren’t interested in being part of the girls’ lives? How could I explain that to Cora and Joce? Your mother thought it would be good for them to learn ASL. She always believed you’d come back. I continued to send the letters, batting away at the fears though. I knew you received them. I made sure I sent them through certified mail to make sure they got to you.

“Maybe I’m selfish for not telling the girls the truth. I wanted them to grow up in a home where they felt loved and wanted. I grew up wondering if my father loved me and my sisters, or if he was living in regret for having us. Oh, God. you will never know how sorry I am for the way things turned out.”

Silence falls between us.

I understand what she is saying. I know where she is coming from and I know the truth in her words. Her father was a sad excuse for a DNA donor.

Fuck. I can’t think right now. So much has happened, misunderstandings and missed opportunities, which could have been easily solved if I hadn’t been so stubborn.

I turn my focus on the road as I back out of the parking spot. Her fingers touch my forearm. Fire ignites where her small hand is pressed to my skin, spreading all over my body. Rekindling the dark places I’ve hidden away from myself. It’s distracting. It’s dangerous. And right now unwanted, even though everything in me screams in need. Wanting more. Wanting less.

I shake her hand off and send her a quick glare. “Don’t touch me.”

I see her shrink away from me from the corner of my eye.

I sigh, cursing myself for the harsh words. Her touch combined with the way she looked at me in the hospital and everything she said has me on edge. My body is coiled tight, and even an innocent touch from her can set me off. I don’t need any kind of distractions right now. I can’t afford to tangle myself up in emotions that will only end up hurting me. Us.

By the time I pull up in front of the house, Nor has already dozed off in her seat. I study her face, so peaceful and carefree in sleep. Her mouth is parted and her eyes flicker behind the lids. A small frown appears on her head. Her lips move quickly, then stop before she settles back into sleep.

I shake my head to get rid of those stupid feelings balled up in my chest and focus my gaze on the two-story house. Clenching my hands around the wheel, I inhale deeply to calm my f*cking heart. I’m about to meet my daughters, who don’t know that I’m their father. SHIT. I understand Nor’s point of view, but it still hurts like a motherf*cker. I wish the girls and I were meeting under different circumstances.

I get out of the truck. After scooping her up from the seat, I adjust her in my arms, kick the door shut and stride up the little path that leads to the house. Every step, bringing me closer to my daughters. The door flies open all of a sudden. Nor’s sister, Elise ducks her head out, eyes wide when she sees me, followed by a huge grin. She pushes the pink dyed strands of hair away from her face.

Good to know she hasn’t lost her sunny disposition. Nor will definitely need her sister if. . .when Josh leaves us.

“Oh my gosh. Cole! When did you arrive?” Her entire body radiates joy. That smile disappears when she sees her sister in my arms. “Is she okay?”

I glance at Nor. “She’s f*cking exhausted. She needs to lie down for a few hours.”

Elise ushers me in. I follow her upstairs and down a hallway with polished wooden floors and walls painted in a soft pink, completely different from the floral wallpapered walls her grandmother had when I last visited this house. We enter a room, which I assume is Nor’s. A double bed sits in the middle of it and I stride forward and carefully lay Nor on top of the bed. I slip her shoes off, reach for the folded blanket at the foot of the bed and cover her petite frame.