Fall Back Skyward (Fall Back #1)(112)
A soft smile plays on her lips. “Because he asked me to. My life was Cora and Joce. I couldn’t bring myself to raise the two girls on my own, and it’s not because I was afraid to do it. I needed help, a father figure who was around. We needed him as much as he needed us. I missed having a father to look up to while growing up. I didn’t want the same thing to happen to the girls. Besides, having someone to talk to, other than our daughters, was amazing. Josh’s health started deteriorating and I wanted to be there to take care of him.”
“Your brother did all that because he loved you,” she says and signs at the same time, something she always did when she got angry with me. Or to get her point across. “God, he was so terrified when we got home from the walk after I told him and we found my father shouting at my sisters. He didn’t even take a second to think about what he was offering. All he wanted to do was keep you safe. Keep me and the babies safe.”
Her body is shaking badly and tears are streaming down her face now. My resistance crumbles to dust.
Ah, f*ck it.
I scoot over on the couch and pull her in my arms. She wiggles, trying to shake me off but my hold on her tightens as I feel my heart break for everything she has gone through without my knowledge. Holding her, though, is like being home. Every piece of my heart glues itself together as her shaking body calms down with every soothing stroke of my hand on her back.
“I will f*cking kill him for hurting you.”
She raises her head and flashes me a wobbly smile, full of tears. Our lips are seconds away from touching and all I can think about is claiming that mouth over and over again. I need space and time away from her overpowering presence to think about this.
Snatching my beanie from the floor where it fell when I moved to comfort her, I shove it over my head and stand up. Panic flashes through her eyes before she averts them, hiding whatever is going on inside her away from me, which is okay. For now.
“I have to go.”
Her head jerks up and her legs straighten as she stands up from the couch. She nods, her fingers fiddling with the edge of her blouse.
I’m at a loss for words so I turn and stride to the front door, without checking to see if she is following me or not. I don’t need to, though. Her scent is like a blanket, surrounding me. I feel the familiar pull she’s always possessed when our bodies were close.
I turn around and stare at her, taking in that innocent look. Even after everything that has happened, she still looks like my Nor. The seventeen-year-old girl with freckles on her nose and wide green eyes. The girl that changed my world the minute she moved in next door.
The nervousness that surrounded her when I walked in through the door is gone now, replaced by acceptance.
Peace.
Even her shoulders have loosened a little. I can’t even begin to imagine how it would feel, carrying all that weight, full of secrets, on my shoulders. I search for the anger and rejection I’d been carrying around the past nine years, but it somehow dissipated between her telling me what destroyed us and now.
“Will you be all right?” I ask her, my hands shoved so deep inside my pockets I’m certain they will tear the fabric, just to keep my hands to myself and not end up grabbing her and doing everything I’ve wanted to do since returning back home.
“Will you be all right?” she asks.
My hand moves of its own accord, sweeping the hair off her shoulder to her back and wrapping my fingers around her neck, stroking the vein pulsing there. That little movement there eases the loss and anger that has been storming inside me all these years. Finally, I let out a long breath.
“I don’t know.” But, God, I hope I will be okay. I’m tired of being angry. I’m tired of holding back. I’m just tired and I want everything to be okay.
I need everything to be okay. “I just need some time to think.”
I tuck a lock of hair behind her ear, wrap my fingers on the nape of her neck and kiss her forehead.
I drop my hand and step back. “Goodnight, Snowflake.”
Those green eyes search my face, with uncertainty, and then subtly nod. “Goodnight, Cole.”
After leaving her house, I drive my car for hours and end up parking in front of my parents’ house. I need some time alone to think. I couldn’t do it with Nor’s tortured eyes on me.
I get out of my car and walk past the two-story house, heading for the gate in the backyard. I retrace the path that Nor and I walked on years ago until I reach the tree house. After flipping on the switch, I head for the wooden ladder, which has aged due to non-use. It’s chipped in places due to lack of maintenance. The solar panels and part of the roof hang low.
I grip the first step and hoist myself up, climbing up the rest of the way. As soon as my foot lands on the floor, dust motes rise, floating in the air. The interior looks smaller than it was when I was eighteen. Cobwebs hug the ceiling, tiny spiders crawling along the delicate threads.
I lie down and shut my eyes, remembering the last time Nor and I were here. I lose myself in that memory, embracing the comforting silence surrounding me, taming the anger raging through me.
My eyes snap open and I groan as pain stabs my back.
Fuck. How long have I been lying here? One minute I was reminiscing about the old days and the next I’d fallen asleep.
I glance at my watch and realize I’ve been here for almost two hours. Sitting up, I stretch to get rid of the kinks around my neck and back, and then climb down the tree and turn off the lights.