Faked (Ward Family #2)(63)

And I didn't want to let this slide because I was miserable too.

I missed Bauer.

I wanted to punch Bauer in the balls for acting like he had.

Yet I understood. He was a man with zero relationship experience, and not just that, but he wasn't raised in a way where he saw a healthy one modeled for him. Lia and I were young enough when we moved in with Logan, and by extension, Paige, that we knew how it was supposed to look.

We were raised in a home where we saw—day in and day out—love and respect, communication, and structure in the way that kids needed it. Logan was the foundation, the strong timbers that kept the house standing in place. And Paige, she was the walls, the roof, the windows. The thing that completed our family and made it safe.

"I messed up, C," Lia whispered. I'd heard her say it a thousand times in the last day. "And I'm sorry. I love you."

My nose burned, and my hand started shaking. But I pushed the highlighter forward until I felt her stand.

The stubbornness I was feeling was so deep-rooted, I wasn't even sure where it came from. To be honest, I wasn't even entirely sure what I wanted from Lia.

For her to rewind time, maybe?

From the corner of my eye, I saw her pause before she left my room.

"I-I didn't know how important he was to you. It took me by surprise. And," Lia sniffed noisily, "this is killing me, C. You can't shut me out completely. Yell at me, throw something at me, slap me, something! I deserve it."

All of a sudden, she was on her knees in front of me, and I had no choice but to look at her. Her face was wet. So was mine.

"I know how much this is killing you too," she whispered in a thick voice. "You're my best friend, and I can feel how awful it all is for you, and don't you think that's punishment enough for me? I know how much your heart is breaking because I can feel it."

"I …" I paused. "I'm still so hurt, Lia. Because it feels like you said something on purpose to mess it up for me."

Her face collapsed. "I swear I didn't."

"I know you keep saying that," I cried. I shoved my book aside. "But this is the first time I've had something that was just mine, and yes, I should've told him, and I would've eventually, but it was mine to tell him. Not yours."

"I know." She sniffed. "I'm so sorry."

I stood from the bed and paced my room. "And it's embarrassing, okay? I can't believe you knew I had a crush on Finn that whole time and you never said anything. Why didn't you tell me you knew?"

She shrugged her shoulders. "Because ... I don't know! I know the two of you so well, C. You're ... you're the same person. I love Finn, I do, and I love you more than anything in the entire world ..."

"But?" I crossed my arms tightly over my chest and waited her out. She didn't want to say whatever she'd been about to say.

Lia shifted from the floor onto my bed. She licked her lips, and I noticed for the first time that she had matching dark circles under her eyes. Looked like neither of us had slept the night before.

"But you would've been the most boring couple ever."

My mouth fell open. "That's so freaking rude," I whispered.

"No, I mean …" She rubbed her forehead. "Okay, I just mean there wouldn't have been any spark. No fire. You probably would have been perfectly happy, and sweet and blah blah blah, but Finn is the boy version of you." Her eyes pleaded with me. "Why do you think I get along with him so well? He's just like you."

Slowly, I sank into the chair in front of my desk and processed what she was saying. And Lia wasn't wrong. Finn and I had so much in common. It was weird, though, now, to try to think about him in a romantic sense.

Not just because of what Lia said, but because of what I'd experienced with Bauer—oh hell, would my heart ever not hurt thinking his name?—which was in an entirely different universe.

He was my opposite. Finn's too.

And as pissed as I still was that he'd stormed out the way he did, I couldn't help but look at my sister and try to put myself in Bauer's shoes. Like he said, the thought of him wanting anything with Lia that night, hoping he might cross some invisible boundary, it hurt. Oh, how it hurt.

"I shouldn't have ignored you," I whispered. "I'm sorry too."

She sagged in relief. "No, it's okay that you were upset. You had every right to be."

"Maybe I was channeling my inner Lia." I smiled. "I don't know where that stubborn streak came from."

My sister swiped at her face and laughed. "I know, right?"

I let out a sigh that came from so far down in my soul that Lia laughed again.

"I don't know what I'm supposed to do with all these," I motioned to my chest, "feelings."

Lia braced her arms on her thighs and leaned toward me. "Okay, talk to me. Tell me everything. I mean, maybe not like, sex details. But ... what happened while you were gone?"

Then she patted the bed.

My entire being settled back into place as Lia and I braced our backs against the wall. She curled her hand around mine with our legs stretched out straight onto my bed, and I unloaded for the next hour.

After a bit, she leaned her head on my shoulder, and I set my head on hers, and we fell quiet before I got to the scene in the driveway. I didn't even attempt to wipe the tears coming down my face during that part.