Evidence of the Affair(8)
You did a wonderful job of cheering me up. I was laughing through my tears, and that is quite a gift. So, truly, David, thank you.
Sometimes, when I am lying in bed next to Ken and I can’t sleep, I feel so hopelessly pathetic. So unloved, so unremarkable. I feel like the girl at the party nobody wants to dance with.
There I am, hoping someone might choose me, while the rest of the world goes on dancing.
But lately I find that in those moments, I think of you.
I am not alone at the party. You are at this miserable party with me. And it brings a smile to my face to be standing next to you.
All my best,
Carrie
April 26, 1977
Carlsbad, California Carrie,
I’m glad to know I may have made things a tiny bit easier for you. God knows you have made all this easier for me.
In fact, I should admit that I called you the other day to check in on you, but I also called you because I needed to hear a warm voice. I needed to call someone I thought would want to hear from me. Talking to you on the phone these few times this week has been the highlight of my days. You are the very definition of a breath of fresh air.
Carrie Allsop, you are never the woman no one will ask to dance.
I will be here dancing with you for as long as we want to get groovy.
All right, that was truly lame. I’ll quit writing now before this really goes off the rails.
Thinking of you— Yours,
David
P.S. I realized who it is you look like. It’s Carly Simon. I told you I would place it, and I finally have. It hit me square on the head as I was going to bed last night.
It’s your smile and your eyes. Just like Carly Simon.
April 29, 1977
Encino, California
David,
Would you have any interest in meeting for lunch again? I could use a charming dining companion.
All my best,
Carrie
May 4, 1977
Carlsbad, California
Carrie,
I can get away on Monday the ninth, assuming that works for you. Let’s do the same place, same time.
Yours,
David
May 10, 1977
Encino, California
David,
What a lovely afternoon that was. I can’t tell you how wonderful it is to spend time with someone and feel like he is truly listening.
And I had such a great time going through those old records with you at the general store. And talking about books. (This is your reminder that you have to read Looking for Mr. Goodbar. And, of course, I will read Ragtime. I’m always true to my word.)
It was so nice to have such invigorating conversations. Ken never talks about that stuff with me. He mostly just complains about Carter and asks about dinner. As long as I agree with him and don’t overcook the fish, he doesn’t say too much.
But with you, I felt like I could talk, finally. Talk about anything and everything. I can’t remember how long it’s been since I felt that unguarded. Or maybe I should say carefree.
And what a pleasure you were to listen to as well. It has been a long time since I laughed that hard, since I was that interested in learning what someone had to say.
Delights can be hard to come by recently, so I truly cherish getting to laugh with you.
All my best,
Carrie
May 13, 1977
Carlsbad, California
Carrie,
“Delights can be hard to come by recently, so I truly cherish getting to laugh with you.” You took the words right out of my mouth.
How about next week? Friday work for you? Our same place?
Yours,
David
May 20, 1977
Carlsbad, California Carrie, I thought of you the entire way home from lunch. You have to be the most well-read, cultured, intelligent woman I know. I am stunned by your insights and your kindness.
I kept replaying the way you dealt with that rude concierge at the hotel. The way you spoke so patiently, with such optimism, to a person who was so curt. You approach everything with such a purity. How do you do it? How do you keep such a sincere heart in the middle of all this?
Sometimes I think mine might turn to stone any minute now, and yet every time I see you I soften, reminded of how you still choose kindness over anger at every step.
I am trying to be more like you, as best I can.
You are a wonder, Carrie Ann.
All yours, David
May 25, 1977
Encino, California David, Thank you for all your kind words. It seems as if you see me exactly as I wish to be seen. There is no greater gift than that.
When can we meet again? Are you free Wednesday the first? Lately, it does not feel enough to write.
All my best, Carrie
June 2, 1977
Encino, California David, I was lying in bed last night, unable to sleep. I was thinking about you and what you said yesterday about the ways in which you feel you stopped complimenting Janet.
I was suddenly overcome with the need to tell you something.
You do not deserve this. What is happening to you. I know that you sometimes wonder if you do. I can tell in the way you talk about not paying enough attention to her, the way you sometimes say the situation is complicated. All marriages are complicated. If I’ve learned anything in my adult life, I think it’s been that.