Epoch (Transcend Duet #2)(78)

But … I am not her chance at happiness because she is not mine.

Morgan works her way to my feet and tries to climb up my legs. I pick her up.

“I lost him,” Swayze whispers.

I take Morgan’s hand and rub it over one of Swayze’s cheeks to dry her tears. Swayze forces a heartbreaking smile.

“Possibly.” I bop Morgan’s pointer finger on Swayze’s nose. Griffin didn’t kill Doug to get Swayze back. He did it to protect her, and he did it to let her go.

“But you’ll find a man who loves Swayze Samuels. And you won’t have to feel bad that he risked everything for you. And he won’t have to feel bad that he didn’t. Because he never has to know that at one point in your past, you needed someone to take the life of another human to save yours.

“Bury the past. Find a teaching job. And let happiness just … happen.”

Swayze is right. Some things just flat-out suck. And this is one. She needs to let Daisy go. I need to let Daisy go. The only way to really do this is to let each other go.

“Nate, why are you doing this?”

She’s breaking me, one tear at a time. But I don’t tell her that.

“Because I’m your friend.”

She shakes her head. “You could try to be a real boyfriend.”

I grin. “I could, but we both know that’s never been my gift.”

“This hurts. You’re hurting me.”

“No …” I press my palm to her cheek, tilting my head to the side. I adore this young woman. All of her. “I’m giving you an out.”

She sniffles. “An out for what?”

“To be Swayze.”

“Are you firing me?”

Yes. No. I bite my lips together. And then I do the right thing. “Yes. When school is out, I will let you go. Set you free.”

Her gaze wanders to the window. She blinks several times and swallows hard while giving me a slight nod. “I need to …” Her jaw shifts side to side. “I need to go.”

I nod as she returns her attention to me. She gives Morgan a half smile and hugs her before pressing her lips to my cheek, letting them linger for a few long seconds.

My eyes close.

Bye, Daisy.

“Safe travels,” she whispers over my cheek. Stepping back, she wipes her eyes and finds a bigger smile. “It still sucks that you’re not taking me with you.”

I chuckle. “And you still haven’t found a better word than sucks.”

She shrugs. “Bye.”





CHAPTER THIRTY-SIX





Two months later

“Tomorrow is your last day?” Dr. Albright asks.

It’s been forever since I’ve seen her in person. Once I stopped feeling like a failure for giving up on remembering the past, I decided it was time for one last face-to-face conversation, not as doctor and patient but as friends.

“Yeah. It’s bittersweet. Right now it feels more bitter than sweet. Nate and Morgan are family. I love them deeply. Like … I wonder if I’ll love my own child as much as I love her.” I chuckle. “That’s stupid, right? Of course I would. It’s just hard to imagine right now because she’s my—everything.”

“I’m sure you’ll still get to see her.”

I smile past the desolation. “Actually, I’m leaving.”

“Oh? By any chance …” She gives me a hopeful smile.

“No. I moved out of the house last month. I’ve been staying with my mom. I haven’t talked to his family for quite some time. My mom still has lunch with Sherri, but we don’t talk about it. To my knowledge, my mom still doesn’t know where he’s living. Sherri and Scott have been very respectful of his wishes. I think they know telling my mom would be like telling me. And over the past five and a half months, there have been many times I’ve wanted to get in my car and just … go to him.”

“And now?”

I rub my hand over my chest, not aware that I’m doing it until Dr. Albright’s gaze shifts to my hand. It’s possible I always do it when thinking about Griffin. My heart refuses to let him go. For the rest of my life, I could possibly have to massage this ache.

“I hope he’s happy. I really do.”

I rub my chest a little more. What we had was explosive and a whirlwind of mad love. Of course a part of him will always feel like a piece of shrapnel lodged into my heart.

“You’ve grown, Swayze. So much in such a short amount of time. You’ve reconciled your past. You’ve accepted the things you can’t change. And you’ve done it with grace.”

“Ha! I don’t know about that.” She doesn’t know that I went to Doug Mann’s apartment with a bottle of sedatives she prescribed me and a knife. She doesn’t know about the fit of jealousy I had over Apple sitting on my bucket. “But thank you. It means a lot coming from you. I admire you immensely.”

“Thank you, dear. So … where are you off to?”

“I don’t know.” I laugh. “I’ll know when I get there. Crazy?”

Her Cheshire cat grin makes me feel an odd sense of empowerment. “I think crazy is exactly what you need. Send me a postcard.”

I stand and we hug. “I will.”