Damien (Slater Brothers #5)(117)

My hand flung over my mouth.

“Oh, Da-Damien,” I stammered. “I’m so sorry.”

He clasped his hands tighter together.

“Before that happened, we were pretty inseperable, but after my parents died, I began to pull away from her, too. I loved her, or at least as much as a thirteen-year-old could love someone. She took my pulling away from her hard, and Trent was there with his shoulder for her to lean on. Two weeks after my parents died, I was having a really bad day, and Trent made the mistake of kissing Nala. I attacked him and beat the shit out of him. He became hostile and brought my parents into the fight, saying they deserved to be dead for what they had done. He wished I was dead along with them, and that caused Dominic to snap. It was the first time I saw him fight, and it scared me how hard and fast he could hit another person.”

My stomach fluttered with nerves.

“I was annoyed with Dominic for stepping in to defend me when I could do it myself, so I got him off Trent and intended to whoop him on my own, but he pulled a gun. If Nala hadn’t jumped on Trent’s back to distract him, he would have shot me. I saw it in his eyes, he was going to do it. I got the gun from him, thanks to Nala.”

He clenched his teeth together.

“When I think about that night, I can still hear Dominic plead and cry with me to throw the gun away because we weren’t our dad, and I wished I had listened to him. Because what I did ruined my brothers’ lives. I shot Trent, and when he hit the ground, he stopped moving. Blood was everywhere, and shit passed by in a blur after that.”

I began to chew on my nails.

“I knew what I had done would mean I would have to die. That’s just how it works, a life for a life. At the time, I was prepared to accept that. I felt so torn up over my parents, over the fact that I had turned out just like my dad, that I was willing to die just to escape everything. Ryder met with Marco, and I wasn’t dumb as to what it was about. If Marco killed me, he knew my brothers would retaliate, so they both discussed it until they reached a decision.”

“The life debt,” I concluded. “Morgan said your brothers started to work for Marco to pay off your life debt.”

“Yes,” Damien answered. “They cut me out of the deal to protect me.”

The resentment in his tone surprised me.

“You’re disappointed you couldn’t have a dangerous job?”

“No,” he answered. “I was disappointed that my brothers put their lives on the line to protect me and didn’t give me a chance to pay off the debt I brought upon us myself. That was the day I stopped being a brother.”

“What do you mean?” I quizzed. “You are a Slater brother.”

“On paper, yeah,” he said, “but inside, I don’t feel like one.”

“Why?”

“Because they don’t treat me like their equal,” Damien answered. “They treat me like the baby they were stuck with and had to raise. I hate it; I always have. Dominic is four minutes older than I am, and he was clued in on everything because he had a job for Marco.”

I didn’t know what to say, so I remained quiet.

“Anyway.” He cleared his throat. “I didn’t know that Nala was dead until we moved to Ireland and my brothers wanted out of their deal with Marco because they repaid the life debt and made Marco more money than Trent ever could. Marco wanted to keep my family under his thumb, so that night in Darkness when we were together, I was attacked until I fell unconscious. You were knocked out, too. Marco used us as bait to lure my brothers into his trap. It all went sideways for him. Trent admitted he raped and murdered Nala the day after I shot him. She came by looking for me and walked in on Trent being treated by a doctor. Marco couldn’t let her live after what she saw, so he let Trent kill her. He raped her, killed her, and then buried her in the grave that was meant for himself. She was ten weeks pregnant at the time; she had told me a few days beforehand, and I began to pull away from her because of that. I was terrified of having a baby, but it scared me more to love it in case I lost it.”

I began to silently cry.

“I didn’t know it when I was a kid, but I thought Nala’s dad packed her up and moved because I could never find either of them when I searched. I always thought she was alive and had our baby, and I was pissed at her for not allowing me to be apart of that. My parents’ death sent me into grief, but Nala kept me there, and because of her, I kept everyone at arm’s length. I was so angry with her … and all the while, I never knew that both of them were dead because of me.”

“Trent.”

Damien blinked. “What?”

“They died because of Trent, not you.” I sniffled. “You have to stop placin’ blame on your shoulders when it belongs on someone else’s.”

“Alannah—”

“No,” I cut him off. “You blame yourself for everythin’ that happened, but you were a baby. Fifteen years old. You had no control over what other people did, so stop blamin’ yourself. Marco tricked your family into workin’ for ’im. He is to blame for all of this, and Trent is responsible for killin’ Nala and your baby. Him, not you!”

Damien stared at me, and I knew it was difficult for him to do as I asked.

“You aren’t to blame.”

He blinked. “You don’t blame me for everything?”