Damien (Slater Brothers #5)(113)

I sat on the floor with the kids and kept my focus completely on them. I could see Christmas decorations around the room, and it was a reminder that I hadn't even unpacked mine. After everything that happened, it just didn't feel like Christmas.

“Birthday boy,” I cooed to Jax as I tickled his sides. “You’re one today!”

He screamed, and everyone chuckled at his response.

When he kissed my face repeatedly, Dante said, “He takes after me. Definitely.”

I looked up at him and said, “Shut up, you.”

He grinned like a fool but did as ordered. Kane hunkered down next to me and placed my gift bag in front of Jax. Instantly, he tore into the bag, and it made me laugh for what felt like the first time in forever. I carefully took the portrait from him when he studied it closely and handed it to Kane.

“It’s just somethin’ I did,” I mumbled. “It’s nothin’, really.”

“Me arse it’s nothin’,” Gavin said from across the room. “It looks exactly like Jax. You’re so bloody good at drawin’, Lana.”

“He’s right, Alannah,” Kane said. “It’s beautiful. Thank you.”

I shrugged and looked back at the kids as everyone fawned over Jax’s portrait while he focused on the toys I got and ignored the clothes, while Georgie discreetly took his sweets, making me grin.

“You’re so pretty,” I told her and tugged at the pink tutu she wore. “The prettiest girl in all the world.”

She smiled at me, and the tooth that had cut through her gums a few months ago was longer now and had another two for company. I sighed, leaned in and kissed her, then Jax, before I climbed back to my feet.

“I have to go,” I said to no one. “I’ve a lot of work to do.”

That was a lie. I had completed the entire month’s worth of projects in the past two weeks because they distracted me from my life.

“Hey, wait a second,” Gavin said, crossing the room. “Look at me.”

I did and frowned. “What?”

“Are you okay?” he asked, leaning in, squinting his eyes at me. “Are you stoned?”

“I wish.” I snorted. “I just haven’t been sleepin’ very good, that’s all.”

“Are you sick?” he questioned. “You look like you’ve lost weight since I saw you last.”

I had, twenty pounds to be exact. A broken heart took away my appetite.

“I have, but I’m fine.”

Gavin stared down at me until I rolled my eyes.

“What do you want me to say?”

“I want to know what’s goin’ on,” Gavin countered. “Aideen said you had a fallin’ out with everyone, and I want to know why. I hate when people keep secrets.”

I laughed. “You’re the last person to talk about secrets.”

Gavin froze.

“Exactly,” I said, ignoring everyone’s eyes one me.

“What does she mean, Gav?” Harley asked his little brother. “You have a secret?”

Gavin glanced at his brother, then back at me and groaned.

“Yeah.” He nodded. “One I asked Alannah to keep even though she hated every second of it because it meant she had to keep it from you lot.”

“Don’t worry about them,” I mumbled. “They don’t share the same sentiment when it comes to secrets.”

“Alannah,” Bronagh said from my right, making me bristle. “Please, talk to us.”

“I have to go.”

“Not until Gavin says whatever it is you both know.”

I focused on Gavin after Dante spoke. “Go on, tell them.”

Gavin inhaled, then exhaled a deep breath and said, “I got a woman pregnant.”

As sharp intakes filled the room, I laughed, clapped my hand on his shoulder, and said, “Good luck, buddy.”

“I’m gonna redden your arse for this later.”

I walked out of the room shaking my head, and when I heard footsteps behind me, I calmly said, “Go away, Damien.”

“How’d you know it was me?”

Because I can sense you.

“Just had a feelin’ it was.”

He hesitated. “Please, talk to me. I miss you so much.”

I closed my eyes.

“Give me more time.”

“How much more time do you need?” he impatiently inquired. “Jesus, Alannah, I’m going fucking crazy without you. I know you are, too. I know you love me as much as I love you. I know you do, freckles.”

My heart pounded in my chest.

“You’ve lost weight, and I can tell by your eyes that you haven’t been sleeping.” He continued. “I hate that you are feeling this way because of me.”

“Not just you.”

“It’s all because of me,” he stressed. “Everything that happened is my fault.”

What does he mean by that?

My hands began to tremble.

“Damien, give me more time.”

“Okay,” he relented softly. “Okay, but please, take care of yourself if you won’t let me do it for you. I love you, Alannah.”

I left Kane and Aideen’s apartment then and hurried down to mine. I made it inside and closed the door behind me before I broke down and fell into a mess of tears. This was killing me. Feeling so dejected and ruined was killing me. I wasn’t sure how long I cried for, but when Barbara mewled from inside the kitchen, I pulled myself together and got on with my nightly routine. I fed Barbara, cleaned out her litter tray, then changed into my work clothes and got back to working on a new painting of Damien.