Crush(16)

“I’ll be there as soon as I can, baby,” I whispered.

I knew what she’d said, but I hoped I could end this fast and I more than hoped she’d take me back once I did.

I had to or else I might just crumble.

As it was, I stood here feeling emptier than I ever had in my life.

When I walked back to my building, all I could think about was her face—the hope in her eyes that I’d see things her way and the purse of her lips when I refused. I didn’t want to hurt her. I just couldn’t give in to her because every time I looked into those green eyes, all I saw was the blood and violence that I’d cause if I stayed in her life.

Once I was in my apartment, I was more determined than ever to bring this to an end. I sat thinking long and hard about the best way to keep Elle safe. Since killing Tommy was no longer an option, I needed some way to both undermine his leadership and sever his ties to the Blue Hill Gang, while at the same time making sure he was locked up for the rest of his natural-born life.

Undermining his authority meant the members of the gang would no longer respect him. I knew that would be easy to do. It wasn’t like they actually respected him anyway. Severing ties meant no one on the outside of his prison walls would give him the time of day, even if he tried to give them orders. That wouldn’t be as easy to do. Allegiance ran thick in the Blue Hill Gang. My grandfather had instilled that long ago but still, I believed it could be done. And putting Tommy away forever—well, that was a dream I hoped would come true.

The best starting point I had was Lizzy. If only I could find her, then I could figure out what she’d been up to. Find out what kind of relationship she had with Tommy. Who she worked with. Why she did what she did. I knew in my gut she was just the middleman. And I knew from watching the videotape at the hotel that Tommy was very involved, and not in the way he had told his old man. Whatever had gone down wasn’t a passing venture. That was the key to bringing Tommy down. Uncovering his involvement and exposing his lies.

What were Lizzy and Tommy up to?

What was their endgame?

How could I find out?

As if a light bulb had just clicked on, I knew where to start—at the top, and then tracing the steps all the way down.

I pulled out my phone and called someone I was hoping could help me get to the top. Help me find out who the source was. Even knowing this didn’t guarantee anything but it would be a start. One I hoped would open the can of worms.

The line picked up. “You son of a bitch!” James, my best friend for as long as I could remember, answered in his most typical fashion.

“Hey, man, long time no see.”

“Where the hell are you?”

I moved from the sofa to the window in the place I reluctantly called home. The place I never got to show to Elle. “I’m in the city.”

“Let’s get together.”

“I can’t. I’m headed back to Boston, but listen, I need your help.”

“Yeah, yeah, anything—you know that.”

My voice trailed off as I spoke because I knew he was going to jump to the wrong conclusion. “I need the name of someone in the inner circle who has Boston connections.”

“That’s easy enough. Off my head I can think of Theo Lake, Duncan Scott—”

I cut him off. “Who uses,” I added.

“Okay,” he dragged out the word, “but I have to ask, what for?”

“I’m hoping to find out who his supplier is.”

James stayed silent for a few moments. “Are you—?”

I cut him off. “No, man, I’m not using again. I can’t tell you why I need the information, but he won’t get in any trouble. I just want to ask him a few questions. Find out who his dealer his and who the supplier is.”

The summer after college graduation, the summer Tommy attacked Kayla and me, I had been running drugs between Boston and the Hamptons and making a shitload of money doing it. It wasn’t that I needed the money, and to this day I don’t know why I did it. At first it was just to get product to my friends, but then word got out and before I knew it, I was selling to everyone I knew. The supplier had long ago dried up and had replaced ten times over, I was sure but still I knew there was one.

That same summer James and I had also taken using a bit too far. We vowed at the summer’s end, after way too much shit had gone down, to stay away from the blow, and I was pretty certain we both had—so I got why he was concerned.

“Logan, you’re not lying to me, are you?”

I looked around. It had been a long time since I wanted to lose myself in oblivion and even though I really wanted to right now, I knew I had to stay focused. “Come on, James, you know me.”

“Okay. Give me a day. I’ll ask around and get back to you.”

“Thanks, I’ll owe you one.”

“If I were counting, you’d owe me way more than that,” he laughed.

“Fuck off. You’re the one who owes me.”

“Your memory is warped.”

“No, no, no. I think it actually dates back more than ten years ago.”

“What are you talking about?”

I couldn’t resist taunting him. “Remember that time you were jonesing to get back together with George?”

“Fuck, don’t remind me. How is it that you never made me see that she really did have a mouth like a monkey?”