Crush(14)

My eyes darted to Logan’s beautiful hazel pools. “Not long. I have to get back to Boston. I have a business that I just opened and a niece I’ve been helping care for.”

“I heard about your boutique. On my next trip to Boston, I must stop in. I have a penchant for unique things. Collecting them is one of my many hobbies. Drives my wife crazy.”

I knew about his penchant for unique things from my previous life, but didn’t mention where I used to work for no other reason than that I needed to talk to Logan and didn’t want to start up a long conversation with his grandfather. “I’d love to show you around.”

Logan was unusually quiet.

His grandfather squeezed my hand. “Elle, I look forward to getting to know you in the future.”

I managed a smile and hoped Logan and I had a future.

Diverting his gaze, he held out his hand to Logan. “Thank you for being honest with me, and take as much time as you need.”

When Logan grabbed his outreached hand, he tugged his grandfather in for an almost hug and said, “Thank you for understanding.”

They must have discussed his job. I wondered what was decided.

Just as the door was closing, Logan’s grandfather said, “Call me once in a while, and your mother, too.”

I guessed Logan wasn’t going to be working for him.

Logan had no reaction to his comment. Just answered, “Yes, I will, sir.”

As soon as the door closed, the air in the room shifted yet again.

My gaze circled the space but then landed on the virile man in front of me. The doubt I saw in his eyes made it hard to breathe. I opened my mouth to speak, but he spoke first.

“You shouldn’t be here.”

His words punched every last bit of breath I had out of me. “But, I had to—”

“It’s too dangerous for us to be together.”

A pain in my chest flared. “Logan, listen to me—”

He cut me off again. “We’ve talked about this.”

Reeling from his words, my fists and my jaw clenched in anger. “No, Logan, we didn’t. You did.”

Logan’s gaze remained steady. “Then I did.”

The cold tone of his voice told me his guard was completely up, and that pissed me off even more. I took a breath and said what needed to be said. “You have to stop allowing Tommy Flannigan to rule the direction your life takes.”

He pinned me with his stare. “That’s not what I’m doing, Elle. What I’m doing is keeping you safe.”

I shook my head. “I know that’s what you think you’re doing but he’s been your enemy for so long, you can’t see what’s real anymore. Don’t get me wrong—I get it. He’s threatened you your entire adult life and you’re scared, but he’s behind bars now.”

Maybe I imagined it, but I swear I saw him roll his eyes. “Like I already told you, that doesn’t mean shit.”

I swallowed bitter vile. “Can we at least talk about this?”

For the first time during our conversation, he dropped his gaze. “There’s nothing left to say.”

Resigned, I knew I couldn’t do this anymore. This back and forth wasn’t good for me. I had to keep my life stable for Clementine’s sake. There was no knowing how long Logan would need to be alone and my mind was already scattered enough. I couldn’t live day by day like that. I couldn’t leave things between us open ended. I knew if I did it was consume me.

My next words felt like a knife stabbing through my heart. “Then you have to let me go, Logan, because I can’t live like this. You want me. You don’t. You pull me close and then leave me behind. It’s making my head spin and I can’t think straight. I can’t work. I can’t concentrate. I can’t do it.”

His face went blank and he said nothing in return, but his gaze rose and this time he didn’t look away from me.

Looking into those intense hazel eyes, I felt as though I was caught in a swirling storm. I straightened my shoulders and pushed on. Desperation kicking in, I put it all out there. “I mean it, Logan. If you can’t let your fear go, then we need to end things.”

Vastness stretched between us.

He said nothing.

Pleading now, I said, “You have to know, together, we are stronger. We can support each other.”

Stare unwavering, he still said nothing.

Nothing.

Guilt and fear were written all over his face.

I hated myself for evoking these emotions within him, but I wanted so much for him to understand we had to do this together. Looking at him, I could see the turbulence in his stare and I blurted out what was so obvious. “Tommy already knows about us, so what is staying away from me going to do?”

“Save you,” he whispered.

“You don’t know if he’ll actually try to do anything,” I rationalized.

“That’s a big if. You weren’t there when he attacked Kayla right in front of me. She was petrified and I couldn’t help her. I can’t go through something like that with you. I won’t risk it. I just can’t.”

Bile rose up my throat.

I wanted to take him in my arms but instead I just stared.

This was it.

Self-preservation kicked in. I had to accept that under his strong exterior, he was a runner, through and through. And I couldn’t live like that.