Conflicted (Everlasting Love)(36)

“Nobody can live their life with that kind of intensity all the time, Jess. It isn’t practical.” Her voice was subdued.

“I know that. But it would be nice to see glimpses of that girl every once in a while. The girl who snuck out of the house to sit with the sick horses in the middle of the night, who worked in a soup kitchen even though her father forbade it.” He smiled. “The girl who drove me crazy with her sultry looks and sexy perfume, who seduced me, who made me love her despite all the warnings I gave myself.”

“I’m the same woman I’ve always been.”

He shook his head, stared at her with a sadness and an intensity that had her breath catching in her throat. “The woman who dragged me to Vegas against her father’s will would understand a child’s need to live his or her own life, despite parental wishes.”

He raked a hand through his hair. “The ranch means everything to you. We know that. But you can’t expect everyone to feel about it the same way you do.”

Desiree walked to her office, stared at the pictures of her children on the corner of her desk. When she turned to face Jesse, tears threatened. “I just want what’s best for him.”

“He’s eighteen, darlin’. It’s time to let him decide what that is.”

“What if he’s wrong?”

“What if he’s not?” His mouth twisted wryly. “You can’t keep them wrapped in cotton forever. No matter how much you want to keep them safe.”

She reached for her husband’s hand despite the hints of betrayal still zinging through her system. “I know about the animals, Jess. All the wounded animals and people Rio’s brought home through the years and tried to help. Just as I’ve seen him break his heart over the ones he couldn’t help. I’ve seen the pain and helplessness he feels when he’s done everything he can and it still isn’t enough.” Her thumb rubbed circles on Jesse’s hand. “I don’t want a lifetime of that kind of pain for him. Is that so bad?”

“Helping isn’t a job to Rio, darlin’. It’s a vocation. And he’ll be doing it for the rest of his life, whether he becomes a vet or not.”

She sighed, cuddled against his side. “That doesn’t mean I have to like it.”

“No. But it does mean you can’t bitch about it for the next fifteen years.”

She laughed before she could stop herself. Jesse looked startled, but then joined in as he drew her closer to him. Minutes passed silently as they held on to each other before Desiree finally pulled away.

“Jesse?” Her voice was tentative, nervous.

“What’s wrong, Desiree?”

“I know you gave up a lot to marry me. I know that you never planned on spending thirty years chasing an unattainable dream.”

He sighed. “That’s not what I meant.”

“I know. But it’s true, nonetheless. If you’ve got something you have to do, some dream you haven’t realized, then I want you to do it.”

“Desiree—”

“No,” she shook her head adamantly. “I don’t want to be the one who cost you your dreams. So whatever it is that you can’t get from me, from the Triple H, I want you to go after it.”

He shook his head. “It’s not practical, Desiree.”

“Since when are dreams practical, Jesse? Just promise me you’ll always come back. Promise me you’ll never leave me.”

“Where would I go, darlin’? You and our children are my life.”

“Maybe it’s time you had a little more than that.”

“There is nothing more than that.”

“Not more, then. Just different. Whatever it is, I’ll support you, Jess. And I’ll support Rio, though I don’t understand why he can’t go to A & M. They’ve got a great veterinary program and they’re so much closer than Colorado State.”

He smiled, rocked her softly. “You’ve got to let them go sometime, darlin’.”

“And we both know how good I am at letting go of the things and people I love.”

“It’ll get easier.”

“If it doesn’t kill me.”





CHAPTER NINE




THE STUDY DOOR SLAMMED open for the second time that day, and Jesse turned to see Desiree all but breathing fire as she glared at him. Her flame-red hair was a mess—as if she’d spent the past few hours yanking at it. Her full mouth was set in a grim line and her expression dared him to speak before she’d had her say.

He expected her to yell, to let loose the redheaded temper she usually kept under such stringent control. But when she spoke, her voice was low and her teeth clenched as she spat out each word. Somehow her control made the words even more effective.

“I don’t have a clue what’s going on in your head and haven’t for a hell of a long time. But until those papers are signed, until they are certified by a judge, I am still your wife. And I do not appreciate the disrespect you showed by walking away from me in the middle of our conversation.”

He smirked, knowing how much it would annoy her. “I wouldn’t exactly call that a conversation, darlin.’ More like a haranguing and I didn’t feel the need to hang around for it.”