Conflicted (Everlasting Love)(32)

“What the hell is wrong with you?” he roared indignantly. “If you don’t want to get married, then just say so!”

“I’m not the one who doesn’t want to get married, Rainwater.” Her voice rose with each word until he was certain that half the hotel could hear her. “Admit it. You think this is a horrible idea.”

Her chest heaved with each word. Fire was in her eyes, rage in the fists clenched on her hips, and she’d never been more beautiful to him than she was right then. Lost, he stared at her, hoping to find some clue on how to negotiate the suddenly rocky sea of their relationship.

She stared at him for a long time, waiting for an answer he couldn’t give. When it finally became apparent to her that he wasn’t going to say anything, she sank to the floor. With her back resting against the bed and her arms wrapped around herself, she stared straight ahead and silently rocked herself.

“Desiree.” He knelt beside her and tried to gather her in his arms, but she wouldn’t allow him to comfort her.

“It’s okay,” she said, her voice uncharacteristically subdued as she faced him. “It’s completely my fault. This was a stupid idea, totally ridiculous.” Her smile was grim, her laugh painful to hear. “It’s not your fault that you don’t love me.”

Shock raced through him, holding him immobile as precious seconds ticked by. By the time he regained his voice, he got the feeling that it was too little, too late. “Of course I love you. How could you doubt that?”

“You’re a terrible liar, Jess. Unconvincing and extremely slow on the uptake.” She tried to smile, but her lips remained curved downward. “It’s okay. I thought I could love you enough for both of us.”

“I do love you.”

She shook her head, then pushed to her feet and began picking up the things she’d thrown in her earlier rage. As if she’d already given up on him—on them.

“Stop it.” His voice was low, rusty with the panic skating over every one of his nerves.

When she didn’t look up or even acknowledge that she’d heard him, he crossed the room in a couple of long strides. Ignoring her squeal of protest, he scooped her up and tossed her onto the empty side of the lake-size bed. Before she could move or even protest, he’d climbed on top of her and straddled her hips with his legs.

She squirmed beneath him, tried to wiggle away. He caught his breath sharply as she rubbed repeatedly against him, his body responding predictably to her movements. He could tell by her sudden stillness, by the wariness in her eyes, that she had felt his response.

“This isn’t going to solve anything,” she said, her eyes widening as he lowered his mouth to hers.

“I think it’ll solve everything,” he replied right before he claimed her mouth with his own.

She felt amazing, had felt amazing from the very first time he had held her in his arms. How could she think he didn’t love her? He would die for her.

With a moan of surrender, she returned the kiss. The hands that had been pushing on his chest slid upward to his neck, anchoring him in place as she wrapped her suddenly pliant body around him.

He wanted to lose himself in the sweet, seductive haven of her arms. But he pulled away even as she whimpered, ended the kiss even as she opened herself to him.

She closed her eyes, turning her head away before he could speak.

“No, not this time.” He grasped her chin with gentle fingers, turning her face until he could look her in the eye. “This time we finish this.”

Rolling off her, he pulled her into his arms, his cheek resting on the top of her head. “How could you think that I don’t love you?”

She sighed. “Jesse…”

“No, I’m serious. How on earth could you not realize that you mean everything to me?” He clutched her hands in his own, pulling away slightly so that she could see what he felt for her. “Desiree, I love you more than my own life. I always have.”

Her eyes widened, but he could still see the suspicion. “You never said—”

Sighing, he allowed his forehead to drop until it rested against hers. “I know.”

“Not once.” Her voice was choked. “You never said you loved me. You never came after me. You never did any of the things a man in love does.” She pushed against him, her eyes bright with anger, fear and a burgeoning hope that was almost painful to see.

“I had to chase you. I had to strip naked and seduce you before you would even touch me. I was the one who asked you to marry me. I was the one who did everything.”

“I’m so sorry. I wanted to buy you flowers and take you nice places. I wanted to be the one who took care of you, who proposed to you. But I was too damn uncertain, too damn scared to do it.”

“What did you possibly have to be scared of? I was the one risking everything, Jesse. I was the one who dealt with rejection after rejection. Even when I asked you to marry me, you sighed and said, ‘I guess so.’ Who does that?”

“I didn’t want to mess up your life.”

“Bull—”

“No, you asked. Now you’ll listen.” He rolled away from her, stared up at the ceiling as he searched within himself for the words.

“I’m a half-breed Indian whose only talent in life is in dealing with horses. I come from nowhere, and before I found the Triple H, I was going nowhere fast.”