Conflicted (Everlasting Love)(30)

She willed him to say something, anything, willed him to gather her against him and hold on tight. But he was silent as he washed himself even more quickly before turning off the water.

She tried to talk to him once more, but he pinned her with a look of such anger and disgust that she shrank from him. He draped a towel around his hips, wrapped one around her and carried her into the bedroom, where he settled her gently on the bed.

Silence, tense and angry, stretched between them, and each minute that passed stretched her nerves a little bit tighter. Desiree watched as Jesse paced the room, his big hands raking through his hair again and again.

Finally, when she was nearly insane from the waiting, he sat on the bed near to her. His face was grim. “Why didn’t you tell me?”

Confusion filled her. “Tell you what?”

“Don’t play games with me, Desiree!” His voice snapped with repressed rage. “You were a virgin. Why the hell didn’t you mention that fact before…” He broke off.

“Before what?” Her temper flared before she could control it. “Before you made love to me? I didn’t think it was important. And I figured you knew.”

He stared at her in disbelief. “How the hell was I supposed to know? You sure didn’t act like a virgin—coming here to sleep with me, climbing into the shower with me, touching me the way you did!” His voice rose with every word, until he was shouting.

Embarrassment swept through her at his reminder of her uninhibited behavior, but she’d be damned before she let him see it. “Who exactly am I supposed to have slept with? I’ve loved you since I was sixteen years old! Who else would I let touch me?”

His face darkened dangerously, frustration in every line of his body as he turned away, resting his elbows on his knees. She watched him breathe deeply—once, twice and then again and again—until the darkness slowly faded away and he turned back to her. “Desiree…”

She looked into his eyes, saw the regret he didn’t even try to hide. She struggled to smile despite the pain of his rejection. She wanted to leave, wanted to be anywhere but here, doing anything but having this discussion. Not now, while her body still hummed from her first orgasm. Not while her muscles ached pleasantly and all she really wanted to do was climb into the center of the bed with Jesse and make love again.

“You don’t have to say anything,” she said quietly, even as her heart broke. “I understand.” She stood, pulling the towel more tightly around her as she squared her shoulders and looked him in the eye. “But I’m glad you didn’t know. If it would have stopped you from making love to me, then I’m glad I didn’t tell you.”

“Is that what you think?” His eyes narrowed as he grabbed her hand, pulling her onto the bed beside him. “That I wouldn’t have made love to you?” He sighed, his eyes steady and sincere on hers.

“Oh, darlin’, you couldn’t be more wrong.” Jesse pulled her into his arms, let his lips trail lightly down her cheek. “I’ve wanted you since you were seventeen, Desiree. Years too young for me and so beautiful you broke my heart. There’s no way I could have turned you away tonight, even though I wanted to. No way I could resist taking what I’ve wanted for five long years.”

“Then why are you so angry at me?”

His smile was sad as his thumb brushed gently over her mouth. “Not you, darlin’. Never you.” He gripped her hands in his, lowered his forehead until it rested on hers. “I’m angry with me. I shouldn’t have taken you like that—fast and hard, up against a wall.”

He shook his head, his mouth twisted with disgust. “I hurt you and I didn’t have to. If I’d known, if I hadn’t been so blind, I’d have done it differently. I’d still have loved you—I don’t think anything could have stopped me after all these years of needing you—but I would have made damn sure it was good for you.”

Tears flooded her eyes before she could stop them as all her dreams came true at once. “It was good for me, Jesse. Wonderful. Fantastic. Amazing.” She leaned into his warmth, savoring the feel of his nakedness against her.

Pulling her into his lap, he ran his hands through her hair as he cuddled her against him. Desiree relaxed slowly as she listened to the strong, steady beat of his heart. “I love you.”

“I know, darlin’.” His voice was heavy, his eyes sad and dark. “God knows you shouldn’t, but I’m so glad you do.” He brushed his lips against hers.

It was supposed to be a soft kiss, a safe kiss, but she lit up at the first touch of his mouth. Pulling him tightly against her, Desiree slowly traced his lips with her tongue before pulling his bottom lip between her teeth. She nipped playfully, laughed as he groaned against her, as he pushed her gently onto the bed and covered her body with his own.

“Are you sore?” he asked, sliding his knee between her own.

Her smile blazed as she wrapped her arms around his neck. “Not even a little.”

“Then why don’t I do this right this time?” He leaned down, traced the hollow of her neck with his tongue.

She shivered, arching up to give him better access. “I didn’t think there was anything wrong with last time, but practice…mmm…makes perfect.”

He grinned as he lowered his mouth to her nipple. “Desiree?”