Conflicted (Everlasting Love)(26)

She knew how to be a partner—

She cut off the train of thought abruptly, refusing to give Jesse the power to make her second-guess herself any more than she already had. Even so, she was left with the same question that had been running through her head for the past few hours. What happened now?

“Are you okay, Mom?”

She jumped at the unexpected voice, whirled around to find herself face-to-face with her oldest son. Rio. Love swept through her, even as she sought to hide her anguish. Rio was, and always had been, their most perceptive and compassionate child. Not to mention the best veterinarian the Triple H had ever employed.

“I’m fine, sweetheart. Just thinking.”

“About Willow?” he asked, as he slipped an arm around her shoulders in a quick hug. Despite his embrace, she sensed a distance between them. It was a distance she herself had put there, one she’d had cause to regret almost every day for the past nine years. She’d made one mistake too many with her oldest child and now she was paying the consequences. They all were.

“About change.” She smiled, laid a hand on his cheek. “I love you.”

His eyes grew shadowed, his voice cooler. “I love you, too, Mom. But that doesn’t explain why you look so sad.”

She shrugged, turning her head away before he could study her anymore. What could she say to him? I’m sad because your father hates me? Because he handed me divorce papers today and wasted no time telling me how much contempt he has for me? Because you don’t love me the way you used to and I don’t know how to fix all the mistakes that I’ve made? Somehow, she didn’t think that was the best way to approach Rio, let alone explain the divorce to their three children.

The divorce. Had she just thought about it as if it was a foregone conclusion? As if there were no other options, nothing left to fight for? And why should she have to explain the divorce at all—Jesse was the one who wanted it. Let him explain to their children that he no longer loved her. Let him come up with a good reason to explain bailing out of a twenty-seven year marriage. Let him…

She stopped abruptly. Unless he already had a good reason. Unless he already had her replacement lined up. Could that be it? Did Jesse have another woman?

Nausea rose, nearly choking her, but logic couldn’t be denied. It made sense, would explain his absence in her bed and the sudden urgency of his demands. How could she have missed it?

“Mom?” Rio interrupted her musings.

With a conscious effort she pushed the thoughts away, forcing herself to focus on her son instead of the horror cutting through her. “Did you come to check out M.C.?” she asked.

“Yeah. Before I have to change into the monkey suit James picked out for us.” He opened the medical bag at his feet, pulled out his stethoscope. “How’s she doing?”

“Your dad thinks she’ll foal today, tomorrow at the latest.”

Rio crouched down and ran his big, gentle hands along the mare’s belly before listening with his stethoscope. His concentration was intense, his dark brown eyes far away as he examined one of his favorite patients.

Desiree watched as he rolled up his sleeves, treating the mare tenderly. Desiree had done something right in the past twenty-seven years, something to be proud of. And he was standing right in front of her. He had inherited his father’s gift and used it in the best possible way. It was hard to believe she’d ever objected to his chosen profession.

“Looks like Dad’s right,” he commented as he finished his examination. “As usual.”

He crossed to the sink, washed up. “So has Willow completely lost her mind yet?”

“Not yet. But it’s close.”

“I can imagine.” He grinned. “It’s hard to believe the little brat’s actually getting married.”

Desiree smiled, nodded. “It’s hard to believe you three are all grown up, with lives of your own.”

“Change is good, Mom. Now maybe you and Dad can concentrate on something besides the ranch and us.”

She turned to stare into the wise eyes of her oldest child. “What’s that supposed to mean?’ She tried to sound carefree but knew she’d failed.

“I don’t have to live here to know something’s not right with you and Dad, you know. It’s written all over your face.”

Oh God. Did everyone see it? Had everyone known but her? Her mind raced to come up with an answer as she picked her way through her own confusion and hurt to explain things to her oldest son.

“Don’t worry about it, Mom. I’m not asking for a play-by-play of your problems. I just thought that, with the wedding over, you might be able to spend some time on them. You and Dad. A New Year’s resolution or something.”

“Is it so obvious, then?”

He fed M.C. a carrot from his pocket. He was quiet so long, she didn’t think he was going to answer. Then he said, “I don’t know. I just remember how things used to be. You know, when you and Dad were a team, instead of two people with separate agendas and separate lives.”

Those days haunted her. Days when Jesse couldn’t get enough of her—when he showed up wherever she was just to say hi, just to steal a kiss and a few minutes alone with her.

She sighed heavily as she reached a hand out to stroke her son’s hair. Those days were long gone, replaced by hours of anger, weeks of silence, months without making love.