Conflicted (Everlasting Love)(41)
“Me, too, darlin’. Me, too.” He pulled her more firmly against him, let his mouth skim softly over her hair as she found her spot, her head resting in the crook of his neck. “Go to sleep, Des. They’ll be plenty of time to talk tomorrow morning.”
“Tomorrow,” she agreed, her chin pressing into his chest as she nodded.
He closed his eyes and slid into sleep with thoughts of the future drifting through his head. They had so much to talk about, so much to do—plans for the children, for the horses, for the ranch. Tomorrow, he told himself as sleep claimed him. Tomorrow would be more than soon enough.
But when he woke the next day in the early-morning darkness and reached out a hand to touch her, Desiree was gone. It was the beginning of a pattern that would become hauntingly familiar as the days and weeks and years slowly passed.
CHAPTER TEN
“WILLOW, IT’S TIME to get dressed.” Desiree knocked on the closed door of her daughter’s bedroom. “Anna will be here as soon as she finishes dressing, but I thought I’d come see if you needed any help.”
“Thanks, Mom. Come on in.”
Desiree was surprised to see all three of her children gathered. “What have you been doing in here? Don’t you two have tuxes to change into?”
“We’re going, Mom.” Dakota headed for the door, stopping to drop a kiss on her forehead.
“What was that for?” she asked in surprise.
He shrugged, seemingly embarrassed. “How long have we got?”
“Fifteen, twenty minutes. People are already starting to arrive.”
“We’ll be ready.” This time it was Rio who spoke, reaching out and squeezing her hand.
“You look gorgeous, Mom,” Willow murmured, taking in the chic hair and makeup Felipe had done, as well as the holly-red silk dress that dipped low in back. “You certainly don’t look like the average mother of the bride.”
“I know.” Desiree’s smile was self-deprecating. “I’m still tall and gawky after all these years.
“Not gawky, Mom. Statuesque.”
Desiree snorted, even as she wrapped a companionable arm around her daughter’s shoulders. “You’re good for my ego—do you know that?”
“We aim to please.”
“That’s supposed to be my line today.” She paused, taking in these three incredible people who came from her and Jesse. “I’m so proud of you, Willow. So proud of all of you. You have to know that.”
“I do.” Willow clasped Desiree’s hand in her own. “We all do.”
Dakota patted Desiree’s shoulder in an awkward but touching gesture. “Thanks, Mom.”
“For what?”
“For being you,” Rio commented huskily.
“I know I haven’t done everything right—with any of you. I’ve been too busy, too concerned with the ranch. But I do love the three of you more than anything in this world.”
“Even the Triple Crown?” Willow’s expression registered her shock at her own words. “I’m sorry.”
“Don’t be. It’s a fair question.” Desiree sank onto the edge of the bed. She didn’t want to have this conversation, didn’t want to explain herself, to admit her flaws. But they deserved to know, and when would she have another chance? “The Triple Crown was everything to your grandfather—especially after my mother died. The idea of winning it gave his life purpose, and soon that purpose became an obsession that nearly consumed him and everyone around him.”
She paused, cleared her throat. “I watched it destroy him, watched it take over everything that he once was and everything that he could be. A few weeks before he died—almost as if he knew something was going to happen to him—he called me into his office and made me promise to win it, made me swear to bring the title home.”
Desiree looked each of her children in the eye. “I gave him my word. Swore to him that I would do everything in my power to win those three races.”
Desiree sighed. “I knew it was a dangerous promise, knew that it could easily consume me the same way it did him. But I was young and arrogant. Invincible, at least in my own mind.”
“Mom, stop.” Willow pleaded desperately. “You don’t have to do this.”
“Oh, I don’t know. I think it’s long past time for me to do this. It’s come to my attention recently—and quite painfully, if I’m to be truthful—that I’ve done to my family what I swore I’d never do. I’ve put you second. From the moment my father died, I’ve put you and your father aside until I’d accomplished what I wanted to do. Until I’d proven that I was as good as any man and brought the Triple Crown home.
“I let you grow up waiting for a mother who was only there part of the time. And here you are, all grown up, yet I’m still chasing a fool’s dream. I’m still trying to prove to Big John that I’m worthy, even if I wasn’t born male.”
“It’s okay, Mom.” Rio’s voice was hoarse.
“No, it’s not. It’s not even close to being okay.” Desiree closed her eyes, tried to swallow the knot that filled her throat. “But I am sorrier than you can ever know that I let myself get so caught up in a dream that wasn’t even mine that I missed so much of what you wanted to share with me.”