Confessions of a Curious Bookseller(8)
Thank you for the update on Father. I would see him, but I am so busy with these books that things are extremely difficult—no doubt being a former proprietor himself, he would understand. The impending winter is pushing me unwillingly toward the holidays and my busiest time, and therefore I can’t leave for Thanksgiving or otherwise. I know Father would understand, even if you may not. The holiday season is the determining time of year in which businesses know whether they will sink or swim. Need I mention Black Friday? That is the single most important day, and I cannot be traipsing around Pennsylvania on visits like some carefree prima donna. Surely you must understand on some level that this is all that I have and all that I am. I cannot risk ruin. Father knows only too well the sacrifices one must make for one’s livelihood. Or have you forgotten those mornings when he would drag Florence and me out of bed at 4 a.m. to help him open his shop before we had to go to school? To comfort us, he would quote Winston Churchill: “If you are going through hell, keep going.”
Perhaps I can visit when things slow down in the spring if he is still in hospice. What a horrible place, by the way. Last time I was there, I noticed that their sitting-room library (if you want to call it that) consisted of nothing but Jesus books, cookbooks (how are they going to cook?), and travel books. How very depressing—though the book on Croatia was fascinating. Did you know that they have a city called Split and also a Dalmatian Coast? I imagine countless dalmatians running in packs along the cliffs, as common as white-tailed deer.
Fawn
From: Fawn Birchill
Sent: Fri, Nov 16, 2018 at 1:30 AM
To: Staff
Re: Store Cleaning
Dear Staff,
Thank you for your effort in helping me clean tonight. Although only Kyle bothered to show up, it was still a great help, and he was able to leave around midnight. We ordered pizza, had some wine, and listened to his music. It was a nice time despite the duties, and you all missed out.
DO NOT SMOKE with the back door open. Not only does it let the cold air in, but also Butterscotch could wander out and get in a scuffle with the alley cats. Additionally, the smoke’s cancerous tendrils have a way of reaching my old used books and permeating the very fibers of the fragile pages, burrowing in and sticking there for eternity. If I wanted my business to smell like cigarettes, I would have opened a bowling alley.
Best,
Fawn, Owner
P.S. Does anyone know how to fix a leaky toilet? Every time the toilet flushes, water seeps from the pipe that connects the floor with the tank. Help!
November 16
Dear Fawn,
I found this article in the paper about how ship captains would keep cats on board to mitigate the mouse and rat population. I thought you would enjoy it because of your alley-cat-feeding hobby, so I cut it out for you. It seems that you are doing the neighborhood a favor! Also, I’ve included a few CVS coupons for toothpaste and aspirin.
Much love,
Mother
From: Fawn Birchill
Sent: Sat, Nov 17, 2018 at 8:07 AM
To: Philly Small Biz Journal
Subject: My Annual Ad
Dear Sir or Madam,
For nearly twenty years, I have been putting my ad in your journal, so understand my shock when I opened the front page and saw not my Black Friday sale advertisement but the Grumpy Mug’s. I turned each page with haste, trying to find mine, only to see that you had put it toward the very back by the hardware store ad.
I know I didn’t submit it as early as I normally do, but as a longtime patron and advertiser of your journal, I thought we had a gentleman’s agreement that the front page is where it would surely go? Did Mark offer to pay you more money than I normally do? I’m just trying to get to the bottom of his scheme, for not only does it devastate me, but also the public expects to see it there each year. I know it is too late to change it now that you’ve distributed all the journals, but is there any way that we can ensure this will not recur next year? Name your price, and I will pay it.
Many thanks,
Fawn Birchill, Owner, The Curious Cat Book Emporium (a Mark Twain specialist store)
From: Fawn Birchill
Sent: Sun, Nov 18, 2018 at 11:23 AM
To: Mark Nilsen
Subject: Black Friday Advertisement
Dear Mark,
I would like to know how much you paid the Journal to replace my long-standing Black Friday ad (which is always found on the inner front page of the paper) with yours? Surely you do not live under a rock and saw the ad there these many years. What inspired you to do such a nefarious thing to me? Are you really that threatened? Do you have friends over at the Journal?
Curiously yours,
Fawn Birchill, Owner, The Curious Cat Book Emporium (a Mark Twain specialist store)
From: Mark Nilsen
Sent: Sun, Nov 18, 2018 at 2:51 PM
To: Fawn Birchill
Re: Black Friday Advertisement
Hi Fawn,
Nice to hear from you again. I paid the Journal the standard amount for a full-page spread and absolutely did not dictate to them where my ad should go. I believe that is 100 percent their decision, so it must have been an honest mistake on their part. I am sorry for any stress this might have caused you.
Take care,
Mark
From: Fawn Birchill
Sent: Sun, Nov 18, 2018 at 2:56 PM
To: Mark Nilsen
Re: Black Friday Advertisement
Dear Mark,
I’m sorry, but I can’t believe that for a minute. I have an excellent sense for sniffing out deception. I thought we might be able to have a functioning, amicable relationship, but sadly that will not be.