Confessions of a Curious Bookseller(75)
During one particular trip I needed to pee terribly, so I told my father. He didn’t like stopping for anything, not even bladders, but I began to cry and wail, so I gave him very little choice. He pulled off the highway, and I snuck off into the bushes only to find myself surrounded by blueberries! I picked them, loaded them into my shirt, and took them back to the car. Only after my sister and I had begun gorging ourselves on them did my father ask us what we were doing back there. He promptly lost control of his vehicle after realizing that we were not eating blueberries but enjoying some poisonous pokeberries. As we were on the western border of Pennsylvania, I innocently assumed they were a different variety of blueberry and not another type of berry altogether. Imagine my surprise! My father pulled over and made me knock all the berries onto the ground. By then Florence had begun to cry and ask if she was going to die. By the time we reached the emergency room, we started getting terrible diarrhea. We lost hours on the road, and Father was beside himself for having to pay the astronomical emergency room fees. Mother was furious at our father for not allowing us to eat and then subsequently causing me to take desperate measures. But that is the way I am and always shall be. I am a survivor.
There is some smoke off in the distance, southeast. I hope it isn’t a fire. I find that spring tends to make things go a bit sideways in this city.
I can hear Jane moving around in her apartment. Just a walk across the room is a death-defying stunt. I think I’ll go check on her since it looks like it might rain anyway. Speaking of stunts, Rainbow is off performing a show at a youth center in South Philly right about now. It is her first official paid gig in a long time, so she was both excited and nervous all day today. Leading up to this event, she had been using me as a mock audience member. To date she has disappeared Bert, some of my books, and my personal laptop. Rest assured that they were returned moments later but in a flourish of cloth and fire. I cautioned her afterward that Bert is quite flammable and that it probably isn’t the best trick to do on live animals, but she reiterated her professionalism. Additionally, Jack has been an enormous help to her during his downtime at the store. I often hear the two of them cavorting and can’t help but emerge from my quarters and watch. He simply can’t get over her tricks and insists she repeat them so he can catch any faults, but alas he cannot catch any. He once spent five minutes examining Rainbow’s thumb after she pretended to cut it off. There was no blood or sign of injury, but still he insisted she must go straight to urgent care. Eventually, to assuage his mounting concern, Rainbow agreed to go. Jack kindly footed the bill, but along with that came the inevitable embarrassment. Apparently the doctor, after hearing the story, was not amused and, according to Jack, “yelled at me a little for wasting his time.”
Despite my excitement for her, I do wish Rainbow were here, as she, Jane, and I have such fun together. Yes, perhaps I will see how she’s doing. Even though we don’t have any tapes to watch (because I’m pretty sure I sold every one of them), I’m sure there is something worthwhile on cable.
From: Fawn Birchill
Sent: Tue, May 28, 2019 at 9:09 AM
To: Jack Grisby
Subject: Floorboards
Jack,
Due to the rains last night and the leak in my roof, my floorboards are soaked and warping in the humidity. As I cannot afford a repairman at this time, I am going to hammer the wood back into place and glue it with some wood glue . . . at least until I can afford some help. Please man the register this morning and help anyone who comes in.
Hope you had a lovely pool party, and thank you for bringing the leftovers. It will be nice to have five-star cuisine at lunch today after crawling around on the floor all morning.
Fawn, Owner
From: Fawn Birchill
Sent: Tue, May 28, 2019 at 12:05 PM
To: Jack Grisby
Subject: Macaroni Salad
Jack,
When going into the refrigerator for lunch, I couldn’t help but notice how the macaroni salad had made its way back, completely intact save a few small spoonfuls. You do know that when I asked you to return my bowl, I meant sans food? Was there some confusion on your part, or did people dislike my salad?
Fawn, Owner
From: Jack Grisby
Sent: Tue, May 28, 2019 at 12:15 PM
To: Fawn Birchill
Re: Macaroni Salad
Hi Fawn,
The chief Moritani saw the salad I brought and was very upset because it smelled funny to him and also was next to his oysters and sushi platter. He called it peasant food and said to get that disgusting abomanation off his table so I did I put it in the poolhouse. He was upset after that and didn’t look at me for the rest of the day and even when he decided to swim he seemed mad I guess swimming couldn’t even cheer him up.
Jack
From: Fawn Birchill
Sent: Tue, May 28, 2019 at 1:04 PM
To: Jack Grisby
Re: Macaroni Salad
Jack,
I can’t believe Moritani said such things about my salad! And thank you for not sparing any of the gory details. Those are some extremely colorful words that I didn’t think he ever employed. Macaroni salad is not peasant food but a delicious, creamy, filling delight. I greatly apologize for causing such a divide at your event.
Fawn, Owner
From: Fawn Birchill
Sent: Wed, Jun 5, 2019 at 8:59 AM
To: Florence Eakins
Subject: Hooray for sunny days!