Confessions of a Curious Bookseller(73)
From: Tabitha Birchill
Sent: Thu, May 23, 2019 at 10:05 AM
To: Fawn Birchill
Subject: Memorial Day?
Dear Fawn,
I hope you are well. I wanted to invite you to a Memorial Day cookout at the hospice center around noon. Can you make it? It will be held in the nursing home section (east wing, next to the koi pond). Food will be provided, and there will be a little fireworks show as well. And, for the main event, someone will sing the national anthem; however, we hear it will be sung by one of the nurses. For some reason they are not having Little Joe sing, even though Florence basically told them it would be in their best interests to do so. This nurse can’t carry a tune in a bucket. I don’t know what they have against us. Perhaps they are jealous of him? Hope you can make it!
Much love,
Mother
From: Fawn Birchill
Sent: Thu, May 23, 2019 at 10:32 AM
To: Tabitha Birchill
Re: Memorial Day?
Dear Mother,
Thank you for your kind and generous invitation, but I am sadly going to have to decline. I have been invited to an extravagant inground pool party in Chestnut Hill, and as I have already accepted, to say no at this point would be more than a little rude. There will be fireworks, a bar featuring rum from all over the tropics, a band, and catered five-star cuisine by Philadelphia’s most famous chef. You probably haven’t heard of him in your narrow circles, so I won’t even bother to tell you who it is, but he is by far the greatest restaurateur Philadelphia has ever seen. And if I tell you that Moritani himself will be there (another excellent and famous chef), you wouldn’t know what I meant, but just know that this fact alone makes it a big event that I cannot miss. Thank you so much anyway, and have a lovely time with Father!
Fawn
From: Jack Grisby
Sent: Thu, May 23, 2019 at 10:51 AM
To: Fawn Birchill
Re: Pool party Monday
Hi Fawn,
I asked my mom and she said no its family only so I can’t add you to the invite even though I want to. Sorry.
Are the signs I picked from the garbage okay? They stink a littie.
Jack
From: Fawn Birchill
Sent: Thu, May 23, 2019 at 11:13 AM
To: Jack Grisby
Re: Pool party Monday
Jack,
I understand entirely. In fact, my father, who is very ill, has asked that I spend the day sitting with him in hospice. I believe they will have their usual Memorial Day food of burned hockey-puck hamburgers, canned applesauce, and boiled creamed corn. Generally the “events” consist of loading everyone outside onto the lawn (which takes about an hour) and setting off the saddest excuse for fireworks the world has ever known to the tune of a tone-deaf nurse singing “The Star-Spangled Banner” into a microphone. The fireworks last about five minutes. I believe the staff is afraid of setting the building on fire, as they tend to have no idea what they are doing.
I think the signs you rustled up are fine. From the street, no one will see the wet decay on the edges, and by the time they notice it they will be too close to the door to turn back without looking like they’re afraid of commitment. And don’t worry about the smell. I think if our customers are interested in smelling our signage then they have bigger problems than we do! I am buying the plants today. Please start cutting the old posters into star shapes. Remember, Jack, we need to avoid any evidence that these ever came from the Grumpy Mug.
Fawn, Owner
From: Tabitha Birchill
Sent: Thu, May 23, 2019 at 6:00 PM
To: Fawn Birchill
Re: Memorial Day?
Dear Fawn,
Please reconsider the invite? It would be lovely to see you, and I’m not sure how many more Memorial Days your father has left. Florence will be there with Joseph and her kiddos. Also, I wanted to update you that after much badgering on my part, the nursing home has rescinded and they are allowing Little Joe to sing! Should be a wonderful time.
Love you,
Mother
From: Fawn Birchill
Sent: Thu, May 23, 2019 at 6:50 PM
To: Tabitha Birchill
Re: Memorial Day?
Dear Mother,
Florence’s presence on Memrial Day fails to make me feel guilty. In fact, I know for sure that they have very little to do that day as generally Joseph cannot manage a grill on his own without burning himself and their backyard is the size of my bathroom so whats the point in doing anything for Memorial Day but spending it locked up in the ever-exciting halls of the hospice?
And for the the record, I can hear Little Joe sing “The Star Spangled Banner” any time I like. With the way those two constnatly have him performing at the drop of a hat I know there will be no shortage of his rendition of our country’s great anthem blasting across the Appalachians. I need only to call them up and request it.
Fawn
From: Fawn Birchill
Sent: Thu, May 23, 2019 at 7:18 PM
To: Tabitha Birchill
Re: Memorial Day?
Dear Mother,
Forgive me. I have been hitting the wine spritzers and did not mean to send such a scathing email. Please delete and do not tell Florence what I said. I did not mean any of it. It is so unreasonably hot in this city today that I started the chilled wine a little early for a Thursday. (Needless to say, I’m really looking forward to that pool party!!) Fawn
P.S. Now that we are all adults, I believe you can answer me straight on this one: Why were you and Father always so against getting us an aboveground pool?