Confessions of a Curious Bookseller(71)
How are you, my dear?
Regards,
Gregory
From: Fawn Windsor
Sent: Mon, May 20, 2019 at 9:36 PM
To: Gregory Harris
Re: Philadelphia
Dear Gregory,
Philadelphia!
What a lovely and charming city. It seems that all it ever does is rain, which I find mildly irritating, as it ends up reminding me of England. But the architecture is quite French. If you go to city hall, step inside and look around; you will find yourself in Paris! I do recommend traversing Rittenhouse Square, and if you have time, try the Mütter Museum. It is gruesome but very educational, and I don’t believe you will find it all that hard to stomach. Additionally, since you mentioned that you would be in meetings at UPenn, stop by the Curious Cat Book Emporium. I have been to Philadelphia thrice, and each time I have stopped into this little gem of a store. The owner is lovely, intelligent, and has a cracking good wit. She is also quite pretty, though she is no spring chicken. But, alas, neither are we!
Additionally, if you care for the art of legerdemain, the owner has a magician of great talent staying with her. The last time I was there, the woman—her name is Rainbow—made my Tiffany crystal watch disappear! It reappeared moments later (thankfully!) right before my eyes, but on the other wrist! Truly, you should take a gander. She claims to be from a long line of magicians dating back to the 1700s, when they regularly employed gunpowder in their trickery to thwart the advance of the British army. What they would do is gather in the woods and wait to surprise the redcoats as they advanced across the open fields, and when the time was right, they would burst out of the forest, appearing out of nowhere in a flurry of smoke and fire!
You know, now that I write it out, it sounds more like they were not magicians but regular militiamen. When I revisit the store, I will have to get some clarification on this . . .
Anyway! Here I am going on about Philadelphia when I’ve said nothing about my life. There is honestly nothing very new. I went up to Scotland last week to look at some horses for sale. I purchased a horse, and he has turned out to be quite dumb. Alas, one doesn’t buy horses for their intelligence but for their beauty, swiftness, and/or practicality. This one is quite adorable; however, I often find him with his head pressed against the stable wall, breathing heavily, as if willing the wall to come away. He will also sometimes break out into a sudden gallop only to stop and lie down in the middle of the field, rolling around like a dog. Pierre says it’s nothing to worry about and rather silly to assume a horse can’t have a personality, even if it’s an odd one.
Ah, well, that is really all for now. Do let me know if and when you are planning to go to that bookstore. Incidentally, the owner’s name is Fawn as well—just like my name! (Which could be why we got on so famously.) Tell her that her Brit counterpart says hullo!
Regards,
Fawn Windsor
From: Fawn Birchill
Sent: Tue, May 21, 2019 at 8:02 AM
To: Jack Grisby
Subject: Please Clean
Jack,
Bert made another “mistake” in the romance/erotica section. Please clean it up before it starts to smell up the room. Bring it to me when you are done; I have a special place in which I dispose of such messes.
Thank you,
Fawn, Owner
From: Jack Grisby
Sent: Tue, May 21, 2019 at 8:11 AM
To: Fawn Birchill
Re: Please Clean
Hi Fawn,
Do you have rubber gloves and is this safe to do it seems like maybe I could get a infecscious disease.
Jack
From: Fawn Birchill
Sent: Tue, May 21, 2019 at 8:16 AM
To: Jack Grisby
Re: Please Clean
Jack,
There are rubber gloves in the broom closet by the back door, but honestly the cat lives off Friskies and hot dogs, and I assure you that his excrement will not harm you if you simply use a paper towel.
Fawn, Owner
From: Jack Grisby
Sent: Tue, May 21, 2019 at 6:09 PM
To: Fawn Birchill
Subject: Reconsider TV ad?
Hi Fawn,
I was watching Big Bang Theory reruns again and then Friends and there were so many advertisements during the commercial breaks that I have a feeling that those companies get a lot of customers even though they spent a lot because a lot of there customers like the advertisements. I don’t know maybe we should reconsider?
Jack
From: Fawn Birchill
Sent: Tue, May 21, 2019 at 7:18 PM
To: Jack Grisby
Re: Reconsider TV ad?
Dear Jack,
I believe this would be a waste of money.
What we must focus on here are our competitors. What is it that Mark is doing that makes him so successful? I believe the only differences between the two of us are his fancy signage, his bright lighting, and his modern furniture. Oh, and his fancy coffee and beer. And perhaps the open mic readings and book signings.
Honestly, I believe signage is becoming more important these days, for most people are either drawn in by word of mouth or by window-shopping. If you make a place look inviting on the outside, then they will want to come in. So my thought is this: let us buy up some nice potted plants and hanging baskets and set them outside. Also I will ask that you go to the back of the Grumpy Mug and search through their trash to find a couple of posters that we can alter to appear fresh. I believe that if we actually cut the posters into star shapes to remove the Grumpy Mug name, Mark will be none the wiser. He couldn’t possibly accuse us of theft if there is never any proof that his name existed on the poster to begin with. Let me know where you get with that. Also, I cannot afford to buy all new lighting for the store, but I will ask that you open the shutters along the side of the building and let some light in. We might have some overdue dusting to do, as the light will no doubt reveal a serious lack of cleanliness toward the back of the store. Luckily, those books are history and foreign language, so we don’t get many customers back there at all.