Chaser (Dive Bar #3)(33)

“Because I know you,” I said, guilt clogging up my mind. “I know you want the best for your baby and would have given it your best shot.”

“Maybe. If anything, having a baby has taught me exactly how little I know. These things are meant to be natural, and I feel like such a failure. Like I should win worst mother and most useless boobs of the year awards or something.” Her eyes went glossy with tears and she sniffled. “Sorry.”

Ada’s cries picked up in volume.

“Anyway, she’s on formula now. Something needed to change and Nell talked me into giving it a try a couple of days ago.” She rubbed her cheek against Ada’s little head, gaze sullen. “She’s still not happy, though. But at least she’s putting on a little weight.”

“You’re both still alive and in good condition. Don’t be so hard on yourself.”

Jean snorted. “It does feel like survival of the fittest some days.”

“Let me take her.” I stepped forward, hands held out. “Please? It’s the least I can do after disappearing on you. You take a break, I’ll walk her around for a while.”

“Oh. I didn’t mean to dump my sad story on you.” She took a deep breath, visibly pulling herself together. “Alex and Nell have been helping me out a huge amount. People have been really kind.”

“But you need some sleep, right?”

She just frowned. “You only just got back.”

Honestly, I was kind of kicking myself, wishing I’d never left. But I couldn’t tell her that, it would be too weird. Hell, what about me glomming onto Jean and her baby wasn’t? “I basically spent three weeks lying on the beach with my board next to me. Onshore wind and the swell was nothing. I think I caught four good waves the whole time.”

“Do you surf well?”

I shrugged. Some things just come easy. “I’m better at snowboarding.”

“Right.” She seemed bitter about something. “What else did you do?”

“Checked out a few new nightspots. Did the rounds, you know.”

“Yeah?”

“L.A.’s always crazy good fun. Love the place.”

She nodded.

“Got invited to a really great launch party for a new vodka,” I said with an easy smile. “Man, they went all out. Had this amazing band, women doing that burlesque dancing, fireworks, you name it. The party didn’t stop until four in the morning.”

“Huh.” She studied the ground. “Sounds amazing. A lot more fun than we’ve been having here.”

Shit.

“Actually, it wasn’t that good,” I backtracked. “I mean, the vodka itself was so smooth it was bland. At what they wanted to charge per bottle, a total waste of money. I only drank it ’cause it was free. And the appetizers were all these weird little mushroom things. Not good.”

“Mm.”

“Weather was kind of average too. Basically the whole trip was crap.”

She cocked her head. “Are you just saying that to make me feel better?”

“No.”

The woman did not look convinced. Fair enough.

“Anyway,” I said, moving things along. “Trust me, I’m rested up and ready to spend some quality time with Ada.”

“You’re sure?”

“Yes.”

Her brows remained drawn in, gaze doubtful. “I guess we can see how it goes. If you’re sure.”

“I’m sure.”

Eventually, carefully, she handed the baby over. Ada hiccupped, then stared up at me with big surprised eyes. After that, she recommenced sounding off about how bad she felt about everything. Apparently, this was extraordinarily bad. Okay. I’d done this holding her thing before. Everything would be fine. Nice and slowly, I lay her tummy down over the length of my arm, putting my hand on her back, all the while keeping a gentle grip on her wriggling little body. One of the baby books had suggested the position and total success. I aced it. Even if Ada was still bawling.

“We’re okay here. I read some more about rocking babies to sleep. Apparently this position can be highly effective. We’ll just hang out right here,” I said. “You try and get some rest.”

“I can’t just dump my baby on you.”

“Yeah, you can. I’m here now and I want to help. Please?”

“All right, if you’re sure.”

“Try taking a nap. If I mess up, you’re just in the next room.”

Instead, Jean looked around. “I should really tidy up.”

“Hey, you can’t function on no sleep,” I said. “You know that.”

At last she said, “Okay. All right. Just for a little while.”

I nodded.

“She’s just had a diaper change and been fed. Come get me if you need anything.”

“Got it.”

A little line appeared between her brows. “Okay.”

“You can trust her with me. We’ll be fine.”

“I know,” she said. “You were almost the first person to hold her. I do trust you.”

“I know where to find you if she decides she hates my company or something. I haven’t forgotten how judgmental she can be.”

“Sure.” Not even an attempt at a smile this time. But slowly, gradually, Jean headed toward the bathroom connected to the bedroom. She looked back no less than eight times before finally disappearing inside and closing the door.