Can't Let Go(8)

Abby had never had to break news of a funeral before. She’d never had to plan one. She’d never really even been to one—since she was a little girl, when her mother had died. At least not for someone she really cared about. The few she’d attended in her older years had simply been friends of her father’s, people she’d had little to no relation to.

Once again, she wondered how this could be happening.

It was like she was caught in a nightmare that she couldn’t wake up from.

She still had a bit of time before her flight and she rose, tossing her carry-on bag over her shoulder and making her way through the airport. She found a book store and scanned the racks, unsure of what to get. She simply needed something to divert her attentions until she was on the plane—then she could sleep.

The selections were limited and she eventually found her way to the magazine rack. The latest issue of Rumor stared at her, the cover full of celebrity headlines. Rumor was one of the more tasteful gossip rags, but it was, nonetheless, a gossip rag. With a slight sigh, she reached forward and plucked one from the stand. She scanned the covers once more before deciding on a wedding magazine.

It wasn’t as if she really needed one. Most of the details had already been planned out, what with the wedding being only three months away. She remembered going virtual wedding-dress shopping with Hayley—she’d secretly taken pictures of herself in various dresses with her cell phone and had sent them to her friend. The dresses had all been very traditional—the sort that Eric was a fan of. She hadn’t wanted to walk down the aisle in something he wouldn’t be happy to see her in.

Hayley had, of course, had much to say about this. It wasn’t that Abby was completely against tradition—but she hated being so restricted. Hayley had insisted that if Eric was the man Abby was truly meant to be with, then she could walk down the aisle in a paper bag and it wouldn’t make a difference to him. In his eyes, she would still be the most beautiful woman in the room.

Abby made her purchase and returned to her gate, grateful to realize she only had a few minutes before they would begin boarding. She sat down and thumbed through the bridal magazine, sighing here and there. She had always dreamed of something a little more casual than what she and Eric had planned—something with friends and family, people who would be in her life forever.

The realization was sudden—as if she’d received a swift blow to the stomach.

That would never happen—not now.

Hayley and Blake—they had been the only people Abby had cared about coming to her wedding. Of course she wanted her dad to give her away—but Hayley and Blake—they were her family.

The pain was strong, sweeping through her as a wave might wash over her body.

She heard a voice over the intercom calling for early boarding on her flight. But she couldn’t move. She was paralyzed, caught in place, breathless.

You can do this, Abby, she thought to herself. Get up and get on that plane. Hayley needs you.

Slowly, her feet began to move. Within the next several minutes, Abby had situated herself on the plane, leaning back in her seat and closing her eyes. She heard people filing by for at least the next half hour but she didn’t move. She listened for the familiar sounds of the flight beginning to take off.

Then, at last, there was the quiet hum of the engine—the voice of the pilot over the intercom. She sighed softly, trying to calm herself—trying to force herself into sleep.

Trying to force herself into a reality where this was only a nightmare.



~*~



She woke with a start just over two hours later. She was disoriented—unsure of where she was or what she was doing.

It only took a moment for it all to come back to her.

She sighed, staring at the magazines she had tucked in the seat in front of her. The thought of looking through them revolted her.

The seat beside her was empty and she was grateful. A pad of paper was tucked in the seat in front of the empty seat and she reached forward, removing it. She had a pen in her purse and she decided it was time to start writing things down—just notes, things she needed to take care of.

It was good to be able to concentrate on tasks rather than emotions. She needed to keep that level-head that Hayley had always bragged about on Abby’s behalf. She needed to keep her mind busy so that her heart wouldn’t tear itself apart. She needed to stay occupied—because otherwise, she wouldn’t be able to hold it together.

And that was not an option.

The rest of the flight went quickly as she prepared herself for everything that was to follow. She had decided to wait to call her dad until she knew more details—had decided to ignore her phone entirely until she had settled in.

The airport was a busy one—but nowhere near as busy as in L.A. She exited the plane and tried to ignore the familiarity that swept over her. She’d done this before. A few times. Those had been happy visits.

This was not going to be like that.

She had arranged for a rental car when she had reserved her ticket and she navigated through the airport until she found a shuttle. Everything was done on auto-pilot—the signing of papers, taking care of her luggage, the programming of the GPS system. Abby was sure she would remember the way, but just to be certain—she didn’t want to take any chances. She already felt as if she was running behind.

The south was one big, beautiful landscape. There were mountains and fields, woods and water. She had always been swept away by the beauty of the surroundings. It was easy to understand why Hayley and Blake had fallen in love with it so quickly. Neither had ever been much for the mundane—and they had definitely chosen the right place. All they had to do was drive a couple hours in any direction and instantly they would find a change.

She had always envisioned a life similar to this. California had never been her ideal home. She had often imagined a life elsewhere—maybe some place on the lake, some place where the weather changed. She too grew tired of the monotony—not nearly as much as Blake and Hayley, but enough that it made a difference.

Abby sighed, flipping on the radio and turning it up. She couldn’t keep thinking about them—not yet.

It didn’t take long for her to arrive in the small town, and as she neared, she called the Sheriff’s office once again. His secretary directed her to the small funeral home within town. Abby found it easily—Allensville really was a small town and it was easy to navigate.

Hayley and Blake had fallen in love with it’s charm. Never had either of them experienced the kind of life they could have here—both having grown up in large, urban environments as opposed to the beautiful rustic area they had moved to. Hayley and Abby had grown up in Beverly Hills, while Blake and Logan had grown up in Boston.

Early on, the four had often joked of moving out to the middle of nowhere—living in log cabins in the woods. All were tired of the fast-pace of the city—even Hayley and Abby.

The funeral home was a small, family run business. She could tell as soon as she pulled up. The building was actually a house, with a simply-stated sign out front. She took a deep breath as she turned the ignition off. This was it—she needed to hold it together now.

Abby emerged from the rental vehicle, her golden hair blowing in the breeze. A pair of sunglasses she had purchased from a gas station along the way adorned her face, but she still squinted from the brightness of the sun. She wore a pair of black dress pants and a plain white top—she had spent quite some time trying to decide what to wear before leaving L.A. A matching black jacket was draped over her arm—a simple precaution, in case the weather was chillier than she’d thought.

It took her several long moments to gather the nerve to continue forward. Finally, though, with a deep breath, she pushed her shoulders back and made her way across the yard, opening the front door and walking in.

She was greeted by a subtle smell of flowers and very quiet music. It was meant to be calming, but the instant she walked in, she was aware of how wrong all of this was. She shouldn’t be here. She shouldn’t be in this position.

“Hello, Miss,” she was a young girl, sitting at a desk to the right. Abby smiled uncertainly before stepping forward.

“Hi,” she paused. “My name is Abigail Lewis—I was told I should—”

“Of course,” the girl rose to her feet, quickly making her way around the desk. “I’m so sorry for your loss.” Abby nodded, unsure of how to respond to such a comment. She’d heard it over and over again when her mother died, and she never knew how to respond. “Hayley and Blake were wondeful people.”

“They—” Her voice caught in her throat. “They were,” she finished, swallowing hard at the ball in her throat. “I’ve never really done this before—”

She was too young to have had to plan a funeral, wasn’t she?

“That’s fine, sweetheart. That’s what we’re here for.” The girl was very pleasant and obviously willing to lend a hand. “Most of the details have already been taken care of, but we’ll just need a few signatures—”