Can't Let Go(3)

Abby’s eyes welled up with tears once more as she watched her two friends exchange vows, rings, and finally, a kiss. A surge of happiness rushed through her as Hayley turned to her—any sign of the earlier sadness having disappeared from her eyes.

Hayley had done it—she’d made her choice. She’d chosen her path. She was happy—and, more importantly, she was free.

Abby longed to feel the same liberation, now. She found herself reaching out and taking Logan’s hand as they drove back to their resort, knowing that she had finally made peace with what a future with Logan would cost her.

Something was coming to life inside her—a newfound confidence she’d been longing to feel. What had begun to stir within Abby earlier had only been strengthened by watching her best friend shed any and all inhibitions she had felt.

But Abby didn’t voice herself. Not yet—now was the time to celebrate Hayley and Blake.

A dinner had been prepared and laid out on the private lanai of Hayley and Blake’s cottage to celebrate. The four of them sat around, drinking and laughing, reminiscing of the days when they had all first met.

Hayley had met Blake one night while he was tending bar, and the two had hit it off immediately. Logan and Abby had followed soon thereafter, having practically been forced together by their best friends.

It had been impossible to ignore the chemistry, though, and before long, Abby found that, for the first time in her life, she was actually in love. She and Logan had quickly become as inseparable as their best friends, unable to tell where one ended and the other began.

“I would like to propose a toast,” Hayley said suddenly, simply radiating happiness. “To my best friend and the love of her life. May you two know the same happiness as us someday!”

“I second that!” Blake agreed, kissing his wife on the cheek. He reached over and patted his friend on the back. “Better get on the ball, Logan. You’re behind in the game.” Abby watched Logan’s response, reading him carefully. He smiled at the man he’d grown up with very quickly before dropping his eyes to the tabletop and staring at the cluttered surface.

Something had made him uncomfortable.

“And I think we,” Abby rose to her feet, tugging gently at Logan’s shirtsleeve. “Should let you two get on with your honeymoon.” She suddenly longed to speak with him—to find out what was going through his mind and to tell him what was going through hers.

“That sounds like a wonderful idea,” Blake said with a mischievous grin. Hayley laughed, rising to her feet and embracing Abby before moving on to Logan. Blake rose and did the same, thanking each of them.

“Congratulations, you two—you really deserve all the happiness in the world,” Abby said, smiling at them as she backed away. The newlyweds only smiled in return, looking at one another happily.

The cottage Abby shared with Logan was only a short walk down the beach and she paused at the sand to remove her heels. He waited for her, offering his arm to steady her if she needed it. Abby remained quiet for a moment, trying to figure out exactly what she wanted to say.

“It was a beautiful ceremony,” she began, but Logan only nodded. It was obvious that something had changed since earlier this evening—something about him was different. He was standing right next to her, but she’d never felt further away from him. “They’re really happy, Logan.”

“They’re going to have a good life together.” Even his voice sounded distant.

“So could we, you know.” She attached herself to his arm as she said it, longing to feel close to him. She needed to cross the distance and find him.

“Not like they will, Abby.” She tried to ignore the pain that flooded through her. “Blake—he’s going to do something with his life. He’s going to be able to give Hayley a good life—”

“And by ‘good’ life, you mean a wealthy one.” Of course. This was what it always came back to.

“A happy one.” Abby stopped just outside of their cottage, letting go of his arm. He took a few more steps before turning back to face her.

“You make me happy, Logan. I don’t need anything else.” She thought back to her earlier realization, as they stood outside the limousine. He was all she needed to be happy. Sure, it hurt to think about losing her dad—but if he couldn’t see how happy she was with Logan, then did his opinion really matter?

“You don’t know what you need.” His tone was very gentle as he spoke to her, almost as if she were a child. Another wave of pain passed through her as she stared at him. Why was he saying these things? Didn’t he feel the same? Wasn’t his need as demanding as her own?

“I need you,” Abby said, her voice very small—tainted with confusion and sorrow. “I don’t care about anything else, Logan.” How naïve she was, the girl he loved. How little she’d experienced of the real world.

“But you do, Abbs.” He told her, his gray eyes intense and his voice tainted with sorrow. “I know you do.” He sighed, hating himself more and more with every passing moment. “What about your dad?”

Another pang flared in Abby’s chest. It would be hard, she knew. She never claimed differently. But she loved Logan. Wasn’t that all that mattered?

“If you choose a future with me, you choose one without him.”

“Then that’s my choice to make—” If her father was unwilling to accept Logan, then it would be an easy decision. She now understood completely the confidence Hayley had felt, because it was flowing through her own veins.

“No—no, it isn’t, because I don’t want it.” Her throat began to close up as her eyes welled with tears. What was he saying? “You’re not supposed to be with me, Abigail. You know it as well as I do.”

It felt as if he had actually stabbed her, the pain was so strong.

“Yes I am,” she insisted, stepping forward and reaching out to him.

“We’re from different worlds.” He told her as he shrugged away from her.

“You are my world.” His eyes flooded with anguish. “I don’t care about money—I’m done with school, Logan. I can get a job. I can work and you can finish—” She had to make him see. She had to make him try.

“It’s pointless, Abby. What am I going to do with my life? What have I done so far?” He shook his head, the self-loathing overwhelming him. “I’m going nowhere.”

“You can figure it out—” She couldn’t let him give up.

“What if I already have? What if construction and tending bar is all I’m good for?”

“That’s not true.” She knew it—she could feel it deep within her. Logan Sheppard was going to do something with his life—all he had to do was see it.

But he wouldn’t. He was so stubborn, so hard-headed. He would never see what she did.

“Yes, it is, Abbs.” He shook his head then, his eyes holding hers. “You deserve better than what I can give you.”

“Don’t say that!” She cried, taking his hand, pleading with him now. Obviously reason was lost on him. All she had left was his heart. “Please, Logan.” She begged, tears streaming down her cheeks—how could she be losing him when she’d only just realized how much she needed him?

“This is not my life, Abigail.” He gestured to the clothes he wore, then to the cottage at his side. “This isn’t me.” He broke her grasp, stepping backward. “I don’t belong here.”

Abby felt her heart breaking within her as she realized he wasn’t going to change his mind.

No matter what she did, he wasn’t going to stay.

The pain was undeniable, washing over her like the waves breaking against the shore just a few feet from where they stood. She couldn’t take it.

“Then go!” She yelled, throwing her shoes at him out of anger. “Just go, Logan! Get out of here!”

And she didn’t even wait for him to do so before she turned her back and stalked away from him, too broken to even watch him go.



~*~



She couldn’t stay inside. Memories of him assaulted her—waking up beside him this morning and ruffling his hair; eating breakfast in bed, laughing as he dipped his toast into her eggs; crying mercy as he tickled her mercilessly; making love in the afternoon sun.

So she sat on the lanai, dressed in her pajama shorts and tank top, staring up at the stars. They were beautiful here—the sky was crystal clear. Nothing like back home in Boston, where she and Hayley had spent the last four years, or L.A., where they’d grown up.

She and Logan had fought like this before. It was something they’d actually done often—only usually, his words weren’t so biting. They weren’t so…final.

They had always come back to each other.

And so she waited, telling herself that she wasn’t doing exactly that. She thought about the things he’d said and wondered how much truth there was to them. Never before had she doubted her relationship. Sure, there were problems—she was aware of that. But she’d never even considered their relationship coming to an end. They would work through it—whatever it took, they would figure it out. That’s what love was all about—wasn’t it? And wasn’t their love strong enough to endure?