Blessed Tragedy(19)
“Don't worry about that. Just relax and enjoy yourself.” I rested my head on Colton's chest listening to the waves crashing against rocks in the distance.
“And Jon's cool with this? I mean, he made it pretty clear we needed to get back to Portland as quick as possible so we can cram in work before we leave again. I really don't need him getting pissy with me again.” No matter how many times Jon told me he was happy that we'd gotten our head out of our asses, I still obsessed over something with our relationship breaking up the band.
“Yeah, Jon's all good. That's what we were talking about earlier. He and Travis are going to take our hotel room for the night and then they'll come down sometime tomorrow late afternoon.” Colton pressed his face into the crown of my head as he rubbed my shoulders.
“But what about--”
Colton placed two fingers against my lips effectively silencing me. “No, no thinking. Just let go and enjoy yourself. You've been a beast lately, taking on everything that's been thrown at you. You deserve this.”
“But--”
“I said no.” His mouth crashed against mine, his hand lightly squeezing the nape of my neck. The kiss was short but effective. He'd taken me by surprise and I had no words.
“Can I ask one question?” I put on the sweetest pouty face I could muster. I wanted to slap women who played the sweet and innocent game to get what they wanted but tonight I was going to use it to my advantage. “How did you guys get this place on a few hours' notice?”
When Colton shifted his body under mine, I started to stand. He grabbed my wrist as he rolled to his side, making room for me to do the same. I laid down facing him, staring into his icy blue eyes. It worried me to notice he wasn't returning my gaze; his eyes were fixed somewhere over my shoulder.
“I made a phone call.” I was tempted to make a smartass comment about how that was a pretty obvious answer but something in the air between us told me it wasn't the time for wit. He was still staring into the distance as his hand brushed along my arm.
“Is this the part where I'm supposed to pry for more information or the part where I'm supposed to let it drop even though I know there's more to the story?”
I was turning into someone I barely knew; an easily influenced, game-playing twit who thought twice before speaking her mind. I was becoming who I figured I would have been had I not left home. I could see Maddie being this way; that's part of what I hated about myself as a teen.
Colton didn't answer me and I didn't push him. Instead, I found my own patch of long grass in the distance to focus on. We must have been a sight, both of us lost in thought, holding one another but not talking.
This was the first time I really had time to process everything I'd learned when we were home for my mom's funeral. I'd pushed it away, promising myself I would deal with it once the tour was done.
I didn't want to think about how much I'd hurt my family over the years but I needed to if I hoped to change the pattern. I didn't say anything to anyone, but I could tell when we were there that my dad wasn't doing well.
He wasn't the same strong, confident man he'd been when I was a kid. It's hard to put my finger on it, but he felt broken. It'd be easy to blame that on Mom's death but I was pretty sure it went deeper than that. Of course, if I had tried to say anything, everyone would have told me I was crazy, so I kept my mouth shut.
Even Colton didn't know that before this latest wrench in my plans, I was hoping to spend part of the summer with my dad, trying to pick up the pieces. There was this nagging voice in my head telling me I needed to, that time was running out, and I didn't want to live with the same regrets when it came to him that I will carry with me until I die about my mom.
“Hey, Moo, what's going on?” Hearing my childhood nickname pass his lips pulled me out of my trance. Surprisingly, it didn't upset me as much as I thought it would.
“Why'd you call me that?”
He shrugged. “Don't know, guess it just came out. You're not gonna castrate me or anything, are you?” I laughed when he moved to cross his hands in front of that most sensitive area.
“Not this time.” I looked into the distance again, trying to sort out what was in my head before I said anything. “I'm not sure what's more shocking; that you called me Moo or that I'm not pissed at you for it.”
While I couldn't regret my decision to become the person I wanted to be, I was starting to wish I had done things differently in my late teens. I would never admit it to anyone, but part of me missed Maddie. Is it possible to miss yourself? All I knew was that I had survived a trip home maintaining a delicate balance of Maddie and Rain and it had been one of the highlights of my adult life. I wondered if it would be possible to find a balance moving forward where Rain would become more of a who I am when I'm on stage and when I'm not working, I could be Maddie with a touch of Rain.
“So, are you going to tell me what you're thinking or do I need to drag it out of you?” Colton's fingers started dancing along my stomach to my ticklish sides.
“Stop it,” I cried as he started tickling me harder and faster. I was writhing on the chaise lounge, causing it to start tipping twice, which only made me laugh harder.
“Are you going to tell me?” He was relentless and part of me liked it. While there are times it's nice to be left alone and times I had no desire to talk, it meant a lot to me that he cared enough to not let me bottle everything until I exploded.
“I'm worried about my dad,” I sighed. “I think there's something he's not telling us.” As I continued telling him why I had this feeling, tears started streaming down my face. I didn't want to think about losing another parent. I shouldn't think that way since I had no proof that it was a real possibility anytime in the near future but losing my mom made me think about the fact that I only had one parent left.
“What do you want to do?” Colton asked me when I was finished. I had been so lost in my thoughts I hadn't realized that, at some point, we'd shifted again and I was resting my head on his chest while he gently rubbed my back.
“Is Jon going to throw a shit fit if I say I want to go see Dad before we hit the road again? I can't shut him out and it'll kill me if anything happens and I didn't at least try to reach out to him.” It was a lot to ask. Jon had been crystal clear about how much work there was to be done in a short time. It was the reason we weren't even going home between tours. And now I wanted to take time off.
“I'll call him but I don't think he'll have a problem with it. If you want, we'll grab one of the cars and head out whenever you're ready.” I looked up at Colton, confused.
“Grab one of the cars?”
“Yeah, there's an Audi Q7 and a Challenger out in the garage. We can leave tonight if you want.”
“And we could take cars that don't belong to us on a cross-country trip because...” I had no clue what was going on, but things were quickly not adding up and it was time for him to come clean.
“Because they're my dad's and I can use whatever I want when I'm down here. Call it his way of making up for lost time.” Colton never really talked about his dad and I never asked. I knew it was a sore subject for him and that his dad wasn't around for him. That only made it seem even more bizarre that we were staying in his house and getting ready to take one of his vehicles on a late night trip.
“I thought you two didn't talk?” I didn't want to push but I wanted to understand. Isn't that what people do when they care about one another?
“I'd rather not get into it, but for the past year or so, you know, since Blessed Tragedy started to take off nationally, he's been calling me. When I came down here last Christmas, he told me to consider this place my own whenever I was in the area. I called him earlier to make sure he meant it and he confirmed that he hadn't changed his mind and gave me the codes.”
He kissed my forehead. “Is that enough for the curious cat for now?”
It was far from enough but I knew it was all I was going to get. It was more than I'd expected to get but I figured that was his way of trying to meet me halfway.
“You really don't mind doing this? Maybe we should see about flying so we don't waste a full day driving there and back.” Doing the math, it was going to be over fifteen hours driving each way, before stops for gas, food and whatever else. That meant, realistically, it would take almost a day up and a day back.
“We can do that. I'll go up to the office and see what I can find for tomorrow morning.”
I laid my head back on Colton's firm chest and listened to the ocean. I tried to focus on the sounds of the waves rolling along the shore in an attempt to drown out any thoughts about how drastically my life was changing. If I thought about that too much, I was liable to throw myself into a full-on anxiety attack because I didn't do well with the unknown.