Bet on It (66)

He’d spent days sitting with those moments they’d shared in the mayor’s mansion, the state of his relationship with Gram, and his flip-flopping feelings on Greenbelt. All of them playing second fiddle to the anxious, anticipatory boulder that weighed him down anytime he thought about how he would have to confront his father soon. It felt ominous. Like something straight out of one of those shitty horror movies he liked to watch. Gram had told him the news of Benny’s impending arrival weeks ago, and it had followed him around like an oppressive shadow ever since. Made worse by how he didn’t actually know when the man was coming. It was in the back of his mind at all times. He could distract himself when he was doing errands for Gram or sitting next to Aja at bingo. But anytime he got a few seconds alone, while he was making dinner or in the shower, thoughts of Benny snaked to the front of his mind, instantly making his stomach drop.

Walker hoped like hell that his hike through the woods would tire him out enough to send him into a long, dreamless sleep. Managing his mental health was even harder when he couldn’t get something as basic as nightly rest. He knew it was a symptom of the PTSD, not the cause, but he was damned near at the end of his rope.

He focused on the crunching of leaves and grass under his boots, the feeling of his heels sinking into the earth with every step. The trees stood tall above him, but they didn’t canopy over top, giving him a perfect view of the clear blue sky and bright South Carolina sun. It was so hot out that sweat made his T-shirt stick to his back within minutes. He’d put a baseball cap on backwards to keep his hair out of his face, but wet droplets dripped down his temples anyway. As uncomfortable as it was, the physical strain kept him present and focused. The stretch in his hamstrings, the contracting muscles in his back, everything distracting from the ache of anxiety and anger in his belly.

He walked in a daze, his feet following the trail that he knew would lead him in a flat circle back to Gram’s house. The sun stayed in the same place in the sky, making Walker feel like he’d been walking either for hours or mere minutes.

He cringed when the peaceful silence was interrupted by the shrill ring of his phone. His first instinct was to ignore it, to silence the sound and keep walking as if he hadn’t heard it. But it could be Gran calling with an emergency, or possibly even Aja calling for … well, he didn’t know what, but he didn’t want to miss it if it was her.

The number that flashed across his screen didn’t belong to either. He didn’t have it saved in his phone, nor did he recognize it. It had an area code that he didn’t know either. He considered ignoring it, but his thumb hovered over the answer button until it seemed to move of its own accord, pressing down before he could stop himself.

“Hello?” His voice was ragged from lack of use.

“Walker?”

One word. One small, miniscule word that he’d heard a million times. That was all it took for him to know who was on the other end of the line. His father.

He didn’t say anything. In fact, he held his breath. His rib cage shook with the force of his pounding heart, but he didn’t make a move. He could hang up … couldn’t he? Yes, he could. All he had to do was pull the phone away from his face and press the button, and it would be over. Hell, he could even block the number. So why in the fuck did his body refuse to do something? He found himself stuck. Feet planted on the ground, hand clenched around his phone so tightly, he thought he might be strong enough to bend metal and glass until it shattered.

“Walker, are you there?”

He tried to speak, but nothing came out aside from an audible puff of air.

“OK, listen … listen, Wally.” He flinched at the familiarity of the nickname. “You don’t have to talk but please don’t hang up. Please.”

Goddamn him. Walker, for all his anger, couldn’t will his body to move fast enough to do it.

Another breath left him.

Benny released a shaky breath too. “I know Mama told you about my plan to move home. I’m … I’m sorry you didn’t hear that from me. I was bein’ cowardly, lettin’ her fight my battles with you for me.” He let out a bitter laugh. “What else is new, huh?”

Walker’s jaw started hurting from clenching his teeth.

“Anyway, I asked her for your number so I could talk to you about it myself. Now before you go gettin’ all mad at her, just know that I had to beg, and she didn’t give it up easy. It ain’t her fault. She’s always had a soft spot for her family, and I pressed on it until she caved. I know this ain’t … it ain’t right of me, but I didn’t know what else to do. Even if you don’t want to talk to me, even if you ain’t even really listenin’ right now, I need to say this. I need you to know that I’m not just comin’ home for Mama. I’m comin’ home for you too.”

Walker’s knees buckled and he had to throw his arm out against a tree to keep himself from falling into the dirt. What was this? What was happening? He felt outside of himself, completely disassociated from reality.

“It’s been years since I’ve talked to you, and I wouldn’t be surprised if you never wanted anything to do with me ever again. I know it’s the long shot of a lifetime for me. And … if that’s what you want … I’ll have to accept that. I made that bed and it’ll be only right that I have to fuckin’ lie down in it. But, Walker, listen, if there’s even a chance that you don’t hate me, that you want to give me a second chance, I want to jump on it. I don’t know the exact dates yet, but I’ll be rollin’ through Greenbelt sometime soon to see Mama and look at a few apartments in town. If you’re there … maybe we can sit down and talk.”