Behind the Mask: A Rockstar Romance(56)

“I was enjoying being out of the spotlight for a little while. It was just refreshing.” She shrugs. “You think all that shit I gave you to quit and it was me who wanted the break.” She chuckles.

“Let’s do this together, sis. I need you.” I give her my hand, which she takes.

“Where’s Nate?” Sam and Troy come up behind us.

“Guys, head out there,” Tegan tells them. They look at her before nodding and getting in their spots on stage. “I can’t wait to see their faces when you come out.” She laughs. “I can’t wait until they see me come out.” She takes a deep breath and starts walking on stage.

“Holy shit, you are going to be the lead singer tonight,” Naomi shrieks next to me.

“I’m going to be sick,” I tell her.

“Always the drama queen. Get your ass out there.”

I stand next to Travis and he gives a nod to the lighting guy and the whole stage turns black. I can hear the crowd screaming out the band’s name, screaming out for Nate.

Don’t pass out. I chant in my head.

I walk slowly onto the stage, my hand holding on to the microphone. I start to sing Evanescence’s “Call Me when You are Sober.” I sing the first part then Tegan joins me with the guitar. It doesn’t take long for the guys to join us also. I close my eyes when I feel the light shine on me. I let the music take me. I let the anger that I’m feeling consume me as I sing this song.

Opening my eyes, I look at the crowd and they are all silent watching me. Soon they disappear. It’s all blank. I just see images of Nate, images of him taking the drugs, seeing him fuck that horrible woman, then it’s him pleading to me. Him on his hands and knees.

That image of his eyes soaring into mine flashes over and over.

Anger.

Hurt.

The two emotions that are consuming me.

The lines of the song suit what I’m feeling.

More images of him telling me that I am his drug, that my voice soars into him.

Bullshit.

Womanizing asshole.

Years I spent obsessing over him, accepting the little scraps of affection.

What girl waits for a guy to be drunk just so they are nicer?

I sing harder, louder, stronger.

The words seeping out of me, it’s like I’m cleansing myself. I want to clean myself from all this. I don’t want it. I love music, but this is a price I don’t want to pay.

It’s unhealthy.

It’s close to the end. I walk closer to the edge of the stage, singing out to the crowd on the last line.

When it’s over I wait.

I look behind me at Troy and Sam, who are staring at me in awe, then I look at Tegan, who is smiling at me proudly. It’s then when I have to double take what I’m hearing.

It’s cheering.

I turn to the crowd and they are screaming out my name. Well, Star’s name, but they are chanting it out, chanting out for more. I chuckle, shaking my head.

They liked me.

I look around the room. When I look forward I swear I see my parents standing there, out in the crowd smiling up at me. I move closer but people move, blocking my view and when they move again, my parents are gone.

I swear I saw them.

I’m sure it was them. I look up at the ceiling, closing my eyes.

I guess my dream did come true.

I let the world hear me sing, letting me be me.

I sing a few more of the band’s songs, and with each song, I feel even more revved up. This is quite addictive. I never want to stop singing. It is the last song of the night and I decide to sing a sad song. If this is the last song I get to sing, I want to sing a song showing my emotions.

I get why Nate does it.

It’s like talking it out, but instead, you’re singing it through song.

I start to sing Miley Cyrus’ “Wrecking Ball.” I start it off slow. The song is how I feel. I know in some way I will always want Nate. He was the first guy I crushed on, the first guy I held close to my heart.

Naomi is right.

I’m in love with him. I’ve always been in love with him.

Without meaning to, I gave him my heart. The last few days I gave him all of me. He just wouldn’t do the same. He wanted it all.

The lifestyle, the fantasy, the fame.

I was never going to be enough.

A tear falls down my cheek.

I sing the last of the song and I just feel emotionally spent. With Tegan able to play again, I don’t want to stay. I can’t be around Nate. The crowd is applauding and I give a little bow, ready to leave the stage when I hear the crowd go crazy screaming out Nate’s name. I turn, seeing him holding a mic on the other side of the stage.

I can tell he is still on drugs. He lifts the mic up and starts singing “You Give Love a Bad Name” by Bon Jovi. My mouth falls open, that he will sing this to me. He smirks at me in such a nasty way, walking slowly to me, singing angrily at me.

I just stand there watching him, him spewing this song to me.

The guys have stopped playing, but it doesn’t help. The music system is playing the song. It is echoing all around the room. The crowd is loving it. They aren’t realizing that this is for my benefit.

He screams ‘You give love a bad name’ at me. When the instrumental bit comes on, he stands close to me, his eyes piercing mine. I have never seen so much hate in them. How dare he look at me like this?