Before I Saw You(26)



‘I think you’re forgetting the delightful visit from my mother.’

Laughter erupted from both sides of the curtain. Full, real, unapologetic laughter that shook his body and brought tears to his eyes. It was so loud he could see Sharon stirring across the room, but he didn’t care. There was no way of hiding it when you felt this alive.

‘Oh yeah, that one must have slipped my mind.’

‘Goodnight, Alfie.’

The deliciousness of their moment had breathed a little bit of lightness into her words. He closed his eyes, held the scratchy pillow close to his chest, and inhaled the calm that had draped itself across them both.

‘Goodnight, Alice.’





23


Alice





The moment he’d said it, she’d known he was right. There was no point in objecting or fighting over it, but although she’d managed to respond with humour, it didn’t stop it hurting. Through her own decisions, careless ways and strong will, Alice had successfully orchestrated it so that no one would be coming for her. Alice Gunnersley was alone, and for the first time in a long time it didn’t feel OK.

She didn’t know why she’d decided to reach out to him, but she knew she couldn’t keep blaming boredom. There was definitely something hard to ignore when witnessing someone’s raw uncensored pain like that. Night after night, hearing him crying out didn’t make for easy listening. Alice might be stubborn and independent, but she wasn’t made of stone. Here was a man who provided so much life for everyone else around him by day, being reduced to a whimpering, vulnerable shell by night. Her wounds were painful and repulsive, but at least they were only skin-deep.

She wasn’t sure if either of them slept that night, but by the time morning greeted them, they were both back to playing the part of well-rested individuals.

‘Hey.’ Alfie’s voice was quieter this time, no hint of bravado. It was clear he only wanted her to hear him, not the whole ward.

‘Hey.’

‘Look, about what I said last night. I’m sorry. It was out of order.’

‘Alfie, it’s fine.’ She didn’t want to get into apologies. In fact, she wanted to erase the whole thing from her mind.

‘No, listen. I know you’re going to tell me that I was right so there’s no need for me to say sorry, but I wasn’t right. I was very, very wrong. And look, if I get out of here sooner than you, I’ll come back and visit, whether you let me in behind that goddam curtain or not!’

The sincerity in his voice tugged at something inside her chest and soon her cheeks were damp with tears. God, she must be really tired. Tiredness and hangovers were the only two legitimate excuses Alice ever allowed herself for showing emotion.

‘Well, there’s no way in hell I’d let you in to see me, but thank you.’

She had an impulse to reach her hand across the divide and squeeze his. Instead she settled for holding her own. The texture of her skin felt so different from before. Sometimes she forgot there was a brand-new broken version of her to get used to.

‘You say that now, but trust me, I can be very determined when I want to be.’

‘You? Determined? Never!’

‘Sarcastic now as well, are we?’

‘Go away and annoy someone else, will you?’

He let out a loud gasp. ‘Challenge accepted! Hey, Mr Peterson, you heard the woman. I’m coming for you.’

Alice shook her head.

‘No one is coming for anyone just yet.’ Nurse Angles’ voice cut through their conversation. ‘Beds, everyone, and curtains closed, please.’

Alice’s heart started racing. Despite her protests, she’d actually found herself looking forward to her day on the ward. Now that she was facing another humiliating physio session, any scrap of potential excitement had been destroyed.

‘Alice, honey, we’re going to have to get you up and out again. Give me two seconds to check we have the green light, and then I’ll come and help, OK?’

Nurse Angles was gone before she had a chance to even open her mouth.

‘Curtains closed, everyone – the quicker we do this, the quicker it’s over with,’ she barked.

‘How long is this military operation going to go on for? I thought I’d left the army forty years ago.’

‘Mr P, stop moaning and take a nap, will you?’ Alfie quipped.

Hearing his voice come to her defence gave Alice an inexplicable feeling of relief.

‘OK, we are good to go.’ One of the nurses had accompanied Nurse Angles back inside Alice’s bay, along with the formidable wheelchair.

‘No pain no gain, neighbour. You got this.’

She didn’t know whether to laugh or cry at the sound of him.

Luckily there was no time for either. Nurse Angles hooked her arms underneath Alice’s and started to lift her up gently.

Here we go again.

*

Once again Nurse Angles had pulled out all the stops. All the patients were confined to their beds, and the small female lounge to the right of the ward had been cleared to allow Alice full privacy. Darren was already there waiting when they wheeled her in, as cheery and upbeat as the last time she’d seen him.

‘Alice! So good to see you. How are you doing?’

‘OK,’ she muttered, terrified to learn what gruelling exercises he had in store for her.

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