Be a Doll(93)

Hesitantly, I wrapped my arms around her and put my chin on top of her head.

“What happened to the man who killed your parents?’’ I asked after a while, my voice no louder than a whisper.

“He got arrested. Someone witnessed their murders and was able to testify. I haven’t been keeping tabs on that man since. I don’t want to know what happened to him or if he’s been released because I don’t want that awful night to rule my life and change me more than it already did. He stole a life I should have had and I don’t want to give him my present and my future too.’’

“You have so much strength.’’

“If I had, I wouldn’t have immediately agreed when Mrs. Stein dangled three meals a day, new clothes and a rich future in front of me. I wouldn’t have sold myself like that because I was scared of living on the streets.’’

I pulled back and kept my hands on her shoulders while she toyed with the elastic of my pajama pants riding low on my hips.

“Shit, you were homeless! Of course you’d agree to someone vowing to give you a chance at a better life.’’ I brushed her skin with my thumbs and marveled when I saw goosebumps breaking out on her skin once again. “Is this so bad?’’

“No,’’ she said, voice low and uncertainty shaking her voice as her hands stopped toying with my pajama pants to settle at my hips. “This isn’t bad at all, strangely.’’

“Good.’’ I smiled at her and she answered with one of her own, brightening her eyes so much that I couldn’t look away even if I wanted to. Her eyes were two jewels on her face, two precious jewels shining bright and reflecting the light to chase away the shadows lurking inside me. “It’s really good.’’

“Carter Manor hadn’t prepared me for this,’’ she said with derision in her voice. Her thumbs caressed my skin just above the elastic of my pajama pants. Tingles spread out and I cupped her face again in my hands.

“What was it like over there? I was served with the very business-like sales talk, but other than classes on etiquette, languages and some reading, I have no idea of what it was like for you.’’

She sighed deeply at that and cringed. “Carter Manor is a gilded cage.’’ With a finger she traced my abs, making me suck in a breath as discreetly as possible. Her touch was torture of the best kind, but I wouldn’t let my body’s reaction distract me from that moment. I had met her through Carter Manor and now, upon knowing Lila a lot better I wondered how she managed to stay there for years when her independent trait seemed impossible to tame. “Beyond the classes you mentioned, we also had a class called Behind Closed Doors. Basically it was a theoretical class on sexuality and how to please a man. We were tasked to use some sex toys in the privacy of our own room in order to kill off the last prudish sides we could still have and also to get enough experience to play if our future spouse wanted to.’’

“What?’’ I frowned at her and pulled back long enough to ascertain that she wasn’t pulling one on me, but her serious expression and the way her lips pursed in disgust told me it was the truth.

It was true that Carter Manor assured you that your future wife wouldn’t be some ice queen in bed who would only open her legs and wait until you were finished, but not once did it cross my mind that things could be sordid like this.

“We never had to test anything on men, and we never had to perform in front of an audience, but it still made things rather disgusting.’’ Her eyes fell to my chest then. “It had been a long time since I had last felt real desire, real pleasure.’’

I pinched her small chin between two fingers and pulled her head upward until she didn’t have a choice but to stare into my eyes. “I don’t want you to ever feel like you have to do anything to give me pleasure, Lila. Things aren’t like that between us.’’

“I know.’’

Then, she surprised me by reaching up to pull my head down until my mouth met hers in a kiss so soft and full of light that it made my damn legs shake.





LILA


In several of the smutty books I had read on my Kindle I came across the expression stating that the character was on cloud nine, mostly thanks to the male interest being all kinds of hot and a sex god. Not once did I ever feel like that or close to it, not because I hadn’t had sex in a long time and it had never been that memorable until Mathis came along, but because I had never felt this light and free.

Now, I knew what being on cloud nine felt like and it was so foreign that a part of me begged me to be careful, to shield myself more, but I couldn’t let negativity or past fears taint what I felt because while it wouldn’t last, I wanted to enjoy it right now and remember for a long time what it was like.

Mathis Grimes made me happy.

My husband made me happy.

I put the last pin in my hair and admired my reflection and the elegant updo on top of my head, disciplining my long and thick hair without being too strict. The stones around my neck shone bright, the sapphires so beautiful that when I had opened the box delivered right before Mathis came back home I had lost my breath. The necklace made of small sparkling diamonds of the purest white and bigger sapphires adorned my cleavage to perfection, changing my white cocktail dress with a sweetheart neckline from simple and elegant to stunning and delicate with its flowing gauze-like fabric swishing around my body and molding my thin waist.