Be a Doll(60)

His heavy breathing echoed mine perfectly. Our sweat mingled. The smell of sex permeated the room, invading my nostrils to remind me what occurred. And his softening cock was still inside me.

Now that the fog of lust and pleasure receded, I realized that my hands were drawing odd shapes on his back, tracing some muscles, a part of his spine and he was petting my ribcage, my hips, my round thighs. We were touching and a traitorous part of me didn’t want it to stop. In fact, sated and pleasured like never before, I didn’t want to break that moment and go back to what we were, to our life, to the mess that I was trapped in for the next few years. In that moment, nothing was of importance than the orgasms we gave each other and the bliss enveloping us.

But it couldn’t last.

The first sign of reality peeking in was when I felt Mathis’ shoulders tensing. I immediately stopped my hands from their movements on his back and let them drop to my sides. In the next breath Mathis went to his haunches and he took off the condom without looking down. His eyes were on me, once again distant and cold. I couldn’t decipher the look on his face, but I didn’t try for long. I retreated inside and looked away, pressing my legs closed to hide myself and I turned on my side, closing my eyes as if I was ready to fall asleep. While I was exhausted from the chaos of the emotions and sensations he brought to me today, I wasn’t ready to fall asleep. I only wanted to escape his perusal, escape the risk of biting words that would reach my tender heart in such a vulnerable moment. I needed time to regroup.

Tomorrow, I would be back on my feet and I would ignore the incredible sex that took place in this very bed.

Tomorrow, I’d squash away the hurt I felt coming at the thought of Mathis giving to another woman what he just gave me.

Tomorrow, I’d remember that I didn’t care about Mathis Grimes, but right now I let myself crash after soaring so damn high I touched the stars.

***





MATHIS


After watching Lila sleeping for an hour I slowly climbed to my feet and padded out of our bedroom. Naked and soft dick swaying between my legs, I didn’t care. I only needed some space, to breathe and calm down.

Lila had faked sleep for over thirty minutes before I felt her melting into the mattress and succumbing to the call of dreams. During that time I made as if I wasn’t really looking at her out the corner of my eyes, but it was for nothing. She had made sure to stay on her side with her back to me. With the city lights pouring in from the large windows it created sensual shadows on her clear skin, soft shoulder and graceful neck. She was gorgeous. A piece of art.

I shook my head to clear it of the images of my naked wife and pushed open the door to my office. I went straight to the desk chair and let myself fall into it. I cringed when the leather touched my bare ass and back, but I didn’t move. My eyes were already lost on the picture on the desk, the only picture still up here. Max and I on that damn beach the day before he died.

I reached for it and as always, my hand was shaking. I swallowed past the boulder that had taken residence as soon as I pulled away from Lila in bed and breathed out slowly, forcing my heart to beat slower.

“What am I doing, Max?’’ I mumbled roughly and let my head drop against the back of the chair.

Before, I had never been so lost to a woman during sex. Before, I had never come so hard. Before, I had never forgotten who I was, not even for a damn second.

Lila did that to me, and a lot more without trying.

I rubbed at my temple and looked at the old photograph again. There were moments like this one when I felt the weight of my twin’s absence. We were only thirteen when he died, but I just knew that if he had been alive right now I could have called and he would have dropped everything just to talk me off the ledge. But then again, would I have to call him if he was still alive? I wouldn’t be in this situation, living a life I had never envisioned for myself before his death.

I sighed and put the picture back in its place on my desk and closed my eyes.

As soon as my eyelids hid away the world from me, I saw Lila under me, writhing, moaning, her blue eyes bright and flaming on me. I saw my wife coming so beautifully and strongly that a tear escaped from each of her luminous eyes.

The memory of Lila under me while I took her would forever be burned in my mind when all of my other sexual experiences had been swept away to leave behind just a bad aftertaste.

When you tasted the more complex and savory wine, how could you go back to drinking cheap wine coolers?

Lila was not just the best wine, she was a nectar, the kind you couldn’t forget and nothing could compete.

I had doubted that fucking her once would be enough, but now I knew it would never be enough. She was running inside me and I didn’t want her to. I wanted her out of my system, not so deep inside it that I had no idea how to get her out.

I put my elbows on the desk and leaned my face into my palms.

Lila had fascinated me from the get-go with the fire impossible to extinguish in her eyes, but now she enthralled me.

I wasn’t the kind of man who enjoyed being at anyone’s mercy.

I didn’t like the possibility she could play me, toy with me.

I needed my control back.





LILA


I woke up groggily and I immediately knew he was gone. It wasn’t just because the bed was cold or the fact that there wasn’t a single sound in the apartment. I always knew when Mathis was around because he sucked all the air and energy around him, seemingly to better attract the attention and fuel my contradictory thoughts and sensations.