Be a Doll(65)

“I’m sure most people aren’t for business arrangements when it comes to marriages,’’ I said diplomatically, thinking of my own reaction to the whole ordeal when I willingly went to Carter Manor in the first place.

“It doesn’t mean he can’t act civilly and get to know you before passing judgment. He’s not twenty anymore when rash judgments and harsh behavior could be excused.’’ She played with her salad with her fork and knife, eyes lost in thought. “I don’t recognize my husband anymore,’’ she added quietly.

“I don’t know Mathis or Mr. Grimes enough, but it’s something between them, Sylvie. The problem is I don’t believe either of them will sit down to have a real talk. They’re too much on the attack and defensive.’’

“I hate seeing my son like this. I know he’s hurting from his father’s behavior even if he will not admit it.’’ She looked up. “Do you think he’d confide in you?’’

“I doubt it. We’re not… I mean,’’ I stuttered and took a bite of my salad to stall while I gathered my thoughts. “Mathis and I aren’t really close, which is normal. It’s only been days since we married.’’

“Of course. I’m sure you wouldn’t betray his trust anyway.’' She dried her lips with her napkin and drank more of her water. “I only want to see my son smile again. I… I want him happy.’’

Her soft eyes welled up, but before a tear left her eyes she blinked them back and hid her pain behind a smile. I knew that tactic so well it somehow hurt to see it on the face of a woman like her.

“I’ve learned something over the years. We’re responsible for our own happiness. You give him your love and support, he has an incredible job so he must be the one to work for his happiness and grasp it with both hands.’’

“And if he doesn’t?’’ She was looking at me, pleading with her eyes as if I had the solution to her motherly fears, as if I was the key to Mathis’ happiness. “At the wedding I had thought that maybe… Oh, I’m delusional.’’ She shook her head and went back to eating her salad in silence, her eyes sad and glazed over from the tears held at bay.

“Mathis and I will never have anything more than an arrangement, Sylvie,’’ I said quietly, my throat closing slightly as the memory of the previous night came back to the forefront of my mind. And the phone call with my husband didn’t help me feel any better regarding my night with him. “I’m sorry, but you have to know this. I will not make your son happy. I’m a convenience, a tool he needs to better his business. Nothing more.’’ I leaned over the table to put a hand over hers. Her fingers were cold. “With some luck and work on both our parts we could become friendly after some time.’’

“Do you hate Mathis, Lila?’’ She closed her cold fingers around my warm ones. “You can be honest. I will not think any less of you. I’m aware that my son is difficult.’’

“I save my hate for people that truly deserves it. Mathis…’’ I trailed off, looking away and stopped to stare at a couple in their thirties smiling at each other and making eye contact in such an intimate way that it was obvious they shared a special bond. I envied them. I envied that. “Mathis is a difficult man with a complexity I will probably never fully grasp, but no, I don’t hate him.’’

“And you don’t see yourself falling in love with him?’’

I pulled back at the mention of love and the physical reaction it created in me. My heart sped up, not with anticipation, but sheer fear at such a prospect. My face tingled, not because I blushed but because blood left my cheeks at once. “I don’t know what love is anymore. I can’t fall for your son and it won’t happen.’’

“Love can’t be controlled, Lila. Carter Manor couldn’t have taught you how to avoid such a thing.’’

“Carter Manor has nothing or very little to do with it.’’ I put my cutlery on the half full plate in front of me and dried my mouth with my napkin before I put it back on my lap when what I really wanted to do was up and leave. Talking about feelings wasn’t in my comfort zone and talking about love and Mathis in the same sentence made me sweat under my blouse and cardigan. “I’m not the kind of woman who falls in love easily, Sylvie. Love will never be a part of what is going on between me and Mathis.’’

“I’m sorry for pressing you.’’ She sighed and shook her head. “You’re so much like the kind of woman I always pictured for Mathis and I see the way you two look at each other. I stupidly thought… Forget it.’’ She swept her words with a move of her hand in front of her face. “I think Megan has been a bad influence on me with all of her romance books she tells me to read.’’ Her thin laugh sounded forced, but it broke the tension that fell on our table.

“I’m sure all mothers want their children to find love.’’

“It’s more than that. Anyway, it’s my problem. Right now I need to make sure my husband stops harassing you and Mathis. I believe he will stay a while in one of our guest bedrooms,’’ she said, her chin up and proud as her eyes started to find their usual sparkle.

I chuckled. “He will hate me even more.’’