Be a Doll(23)
“Me neither,’’ I mumbled and drew the covers closer to me when I felt air hitting my shoulder. “If you expect some sort of apology—‘’
“Of course not,’’ he retorted shortly without giving me a chance to finish my sentence. I bristled in the darkness, but I didn’t dare move when I felt him turning on his side and I just knew it wasn’t to look away from me. The man lived for torturing me and if he knew how much of an effect he had on me right now he’d be insufferable and impossible to resist. Sex deprivation could very well render an adult woman a slave to her hormones. I was pathetic. “I’d be disappointed, Lila. You’re the kind of woman who fights even when you’ve lost. That’s a lot more of a turn on than I would have ever expected.’’ The bed caved some more as he moved and the warmth coming from him became more present. I tensed and brought my legs closer to me in a fetal position when the bed caved so much that if I let myself relax I’d be rolling into him. But still, his body didn’t touch mine. I couldn’t see him in this position, but I was aware of him close by, the presence so potent and heavy it became difficult for me to breathe as if all the oxygen was re-routed to fill his lungs right behind me. When he exhaled, the air hit the back of my head and raised goosebumps all over my skin. “And let’s be honest, little wife. You’d rather be screaming in pleasure right now instead of hiding under these covers.’’
My first instinct was to turn over and glare at him in the darkness to hit him with some choice words, but my common sense stopped me just in time. He’d be too happy to get me to turn over to face him. I wouldn’t give him that satisfaction. Or any satisfaction even if his words had me squeezing my thighs together. “I’d rather not dignify that statement. Now, if you don’t mind, I’m trying to fall asleep.’’
Silence greeted me and with it my heart drummed a fast rhythm in my chest as my nerves twisted into knots so tight I knew I’d be hard at work to try and untie them. I was starting to believe that silence with my husband never bode well.
His big hand landed on my shoulder and he pulled on it until I was on my back and blinking furiously as his face appeared over me with a deep frown etched on it. He was so close that the air leaving his flared nostrils brushed over my neck and cheeks in a caress that made it impossible for me to hide the shiver that coursed through me. “I’ll let you in on a little something, Lila,’’ he said and leaned even closer. His nose almost touched mine, but only his hand still on my, now uncovered, shoulder touched me. “I know how a woman’s body reacts when she is sexually attracted. If you think for one second I hadn’t realized that you’re drowning in lust you’re very mistaken.’’
“So?’’ I asked bravely, but knowing full well that I couldn’t muster another word beyond that one. My breathing was already getting faster as my heart hammered fiercely in my chest. The only consolation prize was that his own breathing was getting heavier as his eyes trailed over my slightly parted lips.
His fingers traced an odd shape on the skin of my shoulder and I felt that touch in the deepest part of me, making me ache for something that made me furious for wanting such things with a man I despised.
“We’re married and we’re going to live together… share a bed.’’ His hand trailed up until he cupped my burning cheek in his big palm and his fingers delved in my hair probably splayed everywhere on my pillow around my head. “You’re a smart woman. You know it’s inevitable and it’s going to happen sooner than you think.’’
My throat started to close in on itself as the certainty behind his words hit me and seemed to swipe away my assurance. In the quiet room after the long day, I was left there to feel like a young woman without any experience and so out of my depth I couldn’t gather enough words to form a coherent sentence. Until his eyes fell to my mouth once again.
“You can play with me all you want, but it’s not going to happen tonight, Mathis.’’
His hand shook slightly against my cheek before he offered me a smirk that both lit me up and made me narrow my eyes on him. The slight tremble in his hand disappeared as soon as it appeared and if it weren’t for the responding shiver in my body, I’d think I had imagined it. I couldn’t decipher that man.
“I know. Right now, I’m just enjoying the effect I have on you.’’ He brushed his nose against mine and pulled his hand away from my face. I heard him inhaling so close to me and I was frozen there, lying partially under him while we now only touched with our noses. My whole being buzzed with the kind of restlessness that only an orgasm could cure. My mind was oddly bereft while my hands took a fistful of the sheets covering us. “Good night, Lila.’’
And just like that he retreated to his side of the bed, put one hand behind his head under the pillow and the other on his six pack just above the covers. One quick glance further down showed me the impressive tent in the bedsheets he didn’t try to hide. I snapped my head away from him and fixed on the high ceiling above hidden by the darkness.
It took a great deal of effort to control my breathing while my chest heaved and burned from the need for more oxygen, but I didn’t want to give him the satisfaction of knowing that he quite literally stole my breath. I only had a small part of dignity left and I’d clung onto it with all the strength I had. I only hoped that my strength would resist when colliding with my husband’s vices.